The Undertaker

the table and dropped into a tight fighting stance, the long blade flashing back and forth in front of her.

I raised my hands in mock surrender. “Hey, you win. All I want to do is talk.”

“Talk, huh?” she answered as the accent disappeared and the letter opener flashed past my nose.

“Whoa!” I stepped back and raised my hands higher. “Don't do that, please?”

“Please, my ass. Try anything and you're gonna to bleed.”

“Whatever that guy told you, it's a lie.”

She feinted with the letter opener and jumped three feet in the air in a spinning karate kick. I leaned back as the heel of her shoe narrowly missed my nose. In the process, I knocked over a tall, brocade armchair and she knocked over a Chinese table lamp.

“Keep that up and we'll total the place. Look, I'm not leaving until we talk.”

She backed off and glared at me. The shock of black hair had fallen over her eyes again and she pushed it up and out of the way.

“What did they tell you?” I asked. “It must have been a beauty.”

“That you're the North Side serial rapist they've been after: a sicko-pervert who preys on helpless young women.”

“Helpless young women? That's funny,” I said, looking at the sharp blade and the killer expression in her eyes.

“They said you've already killed three women, three that they know of.”

“Jesus! And you believed that?”

“They were the FBI? Why shouldn't I?”

“For starters, if this really was a rape or murder case, it would be the Chicago PD knocking on your door, not the FBI. But why did you call them in the first place?”

“I didn't call them; they called me, right after you did.”

“Then they have your phone tapped.”

“The FBI? Tap my phone? Get real.”

“Yours, my friend Doug's in Boston, his home and office, and probably everyone else I know.”

She stared at me, wary, but a little less certain. “They told me they raided your apartment in Evanston and found my name and address on a slip of paper. They figured you were coming after me next, so they called to warn me.”

“Convenient, but I don't have an apartment in Evanston. I got in town about three hours ago from Ohio.”

“That's convenient, too.”

I pointed at her camera. “What's with that? The big photo op? “Feds Grab North Side Rapist.” “Local Woman Sets Up Vicious Killer.” Is that why the goon in the sunglasses got all uppity? Your camera?”

“The goon in the sunglasses?” I saw a hint of a smile. “No, he kept insisting I go with them. I declined. He got pushy, but he won't do that again.”

“Be careful with those guys. They can be nasty.”

“So can I. And I'm always careful with guys.”

So much for Midwestern hospitality, I thought. “I'll bet he didn't appreciate you taking pictures of them, did he?”

“That was one of his issues. I'm a stringer for some local papers and like I told that jerk, it's a living, it's mine, and it's not negotiable.”

“Good for you. Even if there is a North Side rapist, I'm not him and they know it. If I had shown up, there wouldn't have been any story and you'd have never seen your film or your camera again. That is, if anybody ever saw you again, or saw me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Hi, my name's Peter Talbott. Hi, I'm Sandy Kasmarek,” I said. “Pleased to meet you Peter. You too, Sandy. And now that we've been properly introduced, I'm tired.” I picked up the armchair and sat down on it. ”

“Great. Another fucking comedian.”

“No, I'm a systems engineer. I do computer programming.”

“Ah, pardon, a fucking rocket scientist. Me, I play third base for the Cubs, but today's an off day over at Wrigley, so I came in to sell some art... Gimme a break.”

I stared at her. “I do mathematical paradigms and systems design.”

“Yeah? Well take your pair-a-dimes downstairs and drop them in a fucking pay phone. Maybe somebody else will listen to your story, 'cause I'm not.”

“Sandy, I came here because I need your help. I don't rape women, and I sure as hell haven't killed any.”

“And I'm supposed to believe that because… ?” she fired back, holding out her hand. “Let's see some ID.”

“I don't have any ID. They took my wallet back in Columbus. I have some newspaper and magazine clippings, but they're going to take some explaining.”

“Gee. Why doesn't that surprise me?”

“It's the truth. Look at me. I'm not even half-way good at lying and it took a real pro to dream this thing up.”

“A real pro?”

“The goon with the bad manners and sunglasses you tangled with. His boss.”

“The FBI? You're telling me they set this whole thing up, just to catch you?”

“They weren't FBI.”

“I saw his badge and his ID, and that was a US Government sedan.“

“Yeah? Then why didn't you get in the car with him, instead of tossing him into a brick wall? You knew he was bogus. The French cuffs and gold cuff links? Come on. If he was real, after you dented his head, why didn't he arrest you for assaulting a cop? You knew he was a phony.”

She studied me a moment and I could see some of it was sinking in.

“Look, I stumbled into something back in Ohio.” I leaned back in the chair and tried to look my least threatening. “I haven't figured it all out yet, but back in Ohio they're burying mob guys under other people's names, people who are already dead so no one will notice. When I got too close, they tried to kill me.”

“Kill you? The government? You really are crazy.”

“Am I? You told me Eddie died almost a year ago.”

“Yeah,” she answered warily.

“And he was buried here in Chicago?”

“Out by Park Forest.”

I pulled out the wad of newspaper clippings and laid the one for Edward J. Kasmarek on the desk in front of her. “Here, read this,” I told her, laying the clipping on her desk. She snatched it up and read it, then read it again. “That was in February. They used Eddie's name, but that wasn't Eddie and I know where the grave is. That's why I came here and tracked you down, because we're not the only ones.”

“This is nuts.”

I pulled out the ones for the Brownsteins, the Skeppingtons, and the Priors, and the ones for Terri and me, and I laid them on the desk. After she read them, I pulled out the three flash drives. “These belonged to a mob accountant named Louie Panozzo; I found them hidden in his car. They're the financial records of the New Jersey mob. He took them with him and I think it's what got him killed.” I pulled out the George Deevers driver's license and showed her that too. “This is a phony ID he had, but that's his picture.”

She looked at the ID and the three flash drives. She still wasn't sure, but she was listening. There was a thin-screen computer monitor sitting on her receptionist desk. “You've got a PC? Let me use it, I'll show you.”

“You aren't going anywhere near it... or near me.”

“Fine, fine,” I put the first flash drive on her desk and plopped on the floor with my back to the door. “Is this safe enough for you? Go ahead and boot it up yourself. You do know how to use a computer don't you?”

“Yeah, I know how to use one, smart ass! I got my Associates in Photography, but I'm not stupid. I know some bookkeeping, too.”

“Great. Put the drive in and bring up the directory.”