Trial Junkies

to DVD, he was too busy getting blitzed to know that his so-called career was on a downward slide.

Then, late one drug and alcohol-fueled night, he turned to the woman lying next to him in bed, her bare ass peppered with traces of the coke he had just snorted off it, and he suddenly realized he had no idea who the hell she was.

Or who he was, for that matter.

Not only had he lost control of his life, he was completely alone. His parents were dead, his friends were bought and paid for, and the only people he had ever really cared about-his old college pals-had long ago given up on him.

All except Jenny.

She had left a message on his voice mail shortly after the incident with the paparazzi. The fistfight outside The Viper Room that had gotten so much airplay. He was so coked out of his mind that night that he couldn't remember any of it, and had awakened in a jail cell that smelled of booze, old urine and industrial antiseptic.

When his manager bailed him out and he collected his belongings at the front desk, he found Jenny's message waiting on his phone. He had no idea how she'd gotten the new number, but Jenny had always been a resourceful woman.

'You can't keep doing this, Ethan. You need help. Please don't ignore me this time.'

But he had. Because it hurt too much not to. She was a reminder of everything he had thrown away-and for what? A face on a movie screen? A half dozen cars in his garage? A line of coke on the ass of some flavor-of-the- week starlet?

Looking at it from a distance, it might have seemed like every man's fantasy. But it was a lifestyle that started to consume you after a while. To control you. And once you lose control you're bound to crash.

Which was exactly what Hutch had done.

More than once.

'I need a drink,' Nadine said.

Hutch had forgotten she was sitting next to him. He looked at her now and saw that her eyes mirrored his, red and full of tears.

'You okay?' he asked.

'I'll live, but only if I can get my hands on a rum and Coke. Old man Keating opted for a private burial, so a bunch of us are heading over to The Monkey House instead. You game?'

The Monkey House. Their old hangout near UIC. Hutch couldn't remember the last time he'd been inside the place, but he wasn't sure if tagging along was a good idea. He reached into his pocket, brought out his AA coin and showed it to her. The one that said KEEP IT SIMPLE.

'Six months sober,' he told her. 'And I'd like to keep it that way.'

'So order a club soda.'

'I hate club soda.'

'A root beer, then. A glass of water. I don't care as long as you come with.'

'I thought I was persona non grata with you guys.'

She shrugged. 'So now's your chance to prove you're not a complete asshole.'

'You assume far too much.'

'Hell, most of us figured you wouldn't even bother showing up today, so you're already ahead of the game.' She paused. 'Look, all I know is that Jenny loved you, and I'm pretty sure she'd like to see us all back together again. This'll give us a chance to celebrate her life the way she'd want us to.'

Hutch thought about it a moment, that sense of nostalgia coming back to him, stronger than ever. He glanced around and saw a few of his old friends huddled together near the cathedral entrance-Ronnie, Matt, Andy… And now Monica Clawson heading up the aisle toward them, her arms outstretched for a bear hug.

Then Ronnie caught his eye, giving him a bright smile and a waggle of her fingers. She was dressed pretty casually for the occasion and looked a little frazzled, her dark hair even wilder than he remembered it. But she was refreshingly real-the exact opposite of ninety-percent of the women he knew in Hollywood-and he'd always had a soft spot for her.

It would be good to talk to her after all these years.

It would be good to talk to all of them. Make him feel just a little bit closer to Jenny. The Jenny who wasn't included in today's Mass.

'Well?' Nadine asked. 'Are you in or out?'

Hutch slipped the coin back into his pocket and nodded. 'Root beer it is.'

— 6 -

Despite its name, The Monkey House was your typical Irish pub, located in the heart of University Village.

Stepping inside was like stepping through a portal into the past. The place had a kind of worn, old world feel to it, accompanied by the nearly overpowering smell of stale beer. You half expected to see a bunch of weathered old coots bellying up to the bar.

But, as always, it was packed with college students, many of whom were under the legal drinking age-not that it mattered. In the name of commerce, management had always been pretty lax about checking IDs.

They all looked like babies to Hutch. He sometimes felt as if he had aged thirty years in less than a decade.

On the cab ride over, as he watched the city streak by, he had started to reconsider this little excursion. Had wondered if he was making a mistake by accepting Nadine's invitation. While Ronnie and Nadine seemed happy to see him, he doubted Matt or Andy or any of the others would be all that thrilled about making room for him at the table.

He was a stranger to them now, no longer part of their world, and he knew they must resent him for his failure to stay in contact. He hadn't helped matters much by quickly exiting the church after promising Nadine he'd catch up with them. But he'd needed to be alone. Wanted to walk the streets for a while and reacquaint himself with the city he loved.

Then halfway through the cab ride, he had almost told the driver to turn around and take him to the apartment in Lincoln Park. His parents had left him the place and he had decided to stay there tonight rather than grab a late flight out. It had sat dormant for years and he had been meaning to sell it for some time now, but it was the one small piece of his folks-and the city-that he still had left, and he was reluctant to let it go.

There was a time when he had dreamed about moving into the place with Jenny. He had just finished a movie in France-a miserable experience for everyone concerned-and was back in L.A. feeling a little lost and a lot lonely, and had thought about chucking it all and giving Jenny a call.

But he was only halfway serious. He had been two weeks away from shooting another movie and he knew that Jenny was involved with someone-a guy from the Chicago District Attorney's office. He may not have kept in contact with her, but he did keep tabs. His life never felt complete without knowing how she was getting on, and he'd freely admit to occasional Google searches to find out. She was a fairly well-regarded corporate attorney and he was never surprised by the number of hits he found.

But he hadn't called-then, or in all the months that followed. And as he rode in the back of that cab, he kept wishing there was a way to take it all back, to erase all of the mistakes he'd made.

This wasn't possible, of course, but maybe meeting up with his old friends was a way to make up for some of it. To atone for his sins.

So, instead of telling the cabbie to turn around, Hutch had remained silent, lost in his thoughts as he rode