Cold Days

That is, on many levels, astounding to me. I mean, that’s like having a freaking superpower. When I, and most other people with a Y chromosome, have a conversation, we’re having a conversation. Singular. We’re paying attention to what is being said, considering that, and replying to it. All these other conversations that have apparently been going on for the last several thousand years? I didn’t even know that they existed until I read that stupid article, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

I felt somewhat skeptical about the article’s grounding. There were probably a lot of women who didn’t communicate on multiple wavelengths at once. There were probably men who could handle that many just fine. I just wasn’t one of them.

So, ladies, if you ever have some conversation with your boyfriend or husband or brother or male friend, and you are telling him something perfectly obvious, and he comes away from it utterly clueless? I know it’s tempting to think to yourself, “The man can’t possibly be that stupid!”

But yes. Yes, he can.

Our innate strengths just aren’t the same. We are the mighty hunters, who are good at focusing on one thing at a time. For crying out loud, we have to turn down the radio in the car if we suspect we’re lost and need to figure out how to get where we’re going. That’s how impaired we are. I’m telling you, we have only the one conversation. Maybe some kind of relationship veteran like Michael Carpenter can do two, but that’s pushing the envelope. Five simultaneous conversations? Five?

Shah. That just isn’t going to happen. At least, not for me.

So maybe it was something perfectly obvious and I was just too dumb to get it. Maybe the advice of someone less impaired than me would help. I went back into my head and made sure that I remembered the details of my recent conversations, putting them in order so that I could get a consult.

Once my brain had resolved that, it went straight down a road I’d been trying to detour around.

If I blew it tonight, people I loved were going to die. People who weren’t involved in the fight. People like Michael, and his family and . . .

And my daughter, Maggie.

Should I call them? Tell them to hit the road and start driving? Did I have the right to do that, when so many other people’s loved ones were at risk, too, with no possible way to get them out of reach of harm? Did that matter?

Was I going to be responsible for my daughter’s death, the way I was for her mother’s?

The lights didn’t waver, but it got really, really dark in that shower for a minute.

And then I shook it off. I didn’t have time to waste moaning about my poor daughter and my poor life and, gosh, do I feel bad about the horrible things I’ve done. I could indulge my self-pity after I’d taken care of business. Scratch that. After I’d taken care of bidness.

I slammed the water off hard enough to make it clack, got out of the shower, dried, and started getting dressed in a fresh set of secondhand clothes.

“Why do you wear those?” asked Lacuna.

I jumped, stumbled, and shouted half of a word to a spell, but since I was only halfway done putting on my underwear, I mostly just fell on my naked ass.

“Gah!” I said. “Don’t do that!”

My miniature captive came to the edge of the dresser and peered down at me. “Don’t ask questions?”

“Don’t come in here all quiet and spooky and scare me like that!”

“You’re six times my height, and fifty times my weight,” Lacuna said gravely. “And I’ve agreed to be your captive. You don’t have any reason to be afraid.”

“Not afraid,” I snapped back. “Startled. It isn’t wise to startle a wizard!”

“Why not?”

“Because of what could happen!”

“Because they might fall down on the floor?”

“No!” I snarled.

Lacuna frowned and said, “You aren’t very good at answering questions.”

I started shoving myself into my clothes. “I’m starting to agree with you.”

“So why do you wear those?”

I blinked. “Clothes?”

“Yes. You don’t need them unless it’s cold or raining.”

“You’re wearing clothes.”

“I am wearing armor. For when it is raining arrows. Your T-shirt will not stop arrows.”

“No, it won’t.” I sighed.

Lacuna peered at my shirt. “Aer-O-Smith. Arrowsmith. Does the shirt belong to your weapon dealer?”

“No.”

“Then why do you wear the shirt of someone else’s weapon dealer?”

That was frustrating in so many ways that I could avoid a stroke only by refusing to engage. “Lacuna,” I said, “humans wear clothes. It’s one of the things we do. And as long as you are in my service, I expect you to do it as well.”

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t, I . . . I . . . might pull your arms out of your sockets.”

At that, she frowned. “Why?”

“Because I have to maintain discipline, don’t I?”

“True,” she said gravely. “But I have no clothes.”

I counted to ten mentally. “I’ll . . . find something for you. Until then, no desocketing. Just wear the armor. Fair enough?”

Lacuna bowed slightly at the waist. “I understand, my lord.”

“Good.” I sighed. I flicked a comb through my wet hair, for all the good it would do, and said, “How do I look?”

“Mostly human,” she said.

“That’s what I was going for.”

“You have a visitor, my lord.”

I frowned. “What?”

“That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for you.”

I stood up, exasperated. “Why didn’t you say so?”

Lacuna looked confused. “I did. Just now. You were there.” She frowned thoughtfully. “Perhaps you have brain damage.”

“It would not shock me in the least,” I said.

“Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?” she asked.

Someone that short should not be that disturbing. “I . . . No. No, but thank you for the offer.”

“It is my duty to serve,” Lacuna intoned.

My life, Hell’s bells. I beckoned Lacuna to follow me, mostly so I would know where the hell she was, and went back out into the main room.

Sarissa was there.

She sat at the kitchen table, her small hands clutched around one of Molly’s mugs, and she looked like hell. There was a dark red mouse on her left cheekbone, one that was swelling and beginning to purple nicely. Her hands and forearms were scraped and bruised—defensive injuries. She wore a pale blue T-shirt and dark blue cotton pajama pants. Both were soaked from the rain and clinging in a fashion that made me want to stare. Her dark hair was askew, and her eyes were absolutely haunted. They darted nervously toward me when I appeared, and her shoulders hunched slightly.

Molly said something quiet to her and rose from the table, crossing the room to me.

“She said you knew her,” Molly said.

“I do. She all right?”

“She’s a mess,” Molly said. “Showed up and begged security to call me before they called the cops. And it isn’t the first time this has happened to her. She’s terrified to be here—terrified of you personally, I think.”