The Cords of Vanity. A Comedy of Shirking

  'And I that have lived long in Arcady— 
  I that have kept so many a foolish tryst, 
  And written drivelling rhymes—feel stirring in me 
  Droll pity for this woman who pities me, 
  And whose weak mouth so many men have kissed.'

'That,' I airily said, 'is, in the first place, something you had no business to read; and, in the second, simply the blocking out of an entrancingly beautiful poem. It represents a mood.'

'It is the sort of mood that is not good for people, particularly for children. It very often gets them shot too full of large and untidy holes.'

'Nonsense!' said I, but not in displeasure, because it made me feel like such a devil of a fellow. So I finished my letter to Bettie Hamlyn,—for this was on the seventh,—and I went to Negley precisely as I had planned. 

7

'We were just speaking of you,' Mrs. Hardress told me, the afternoon of my arrival,—'Blanche and I were talking of you, Mr. Townsend, the very moment we heard your wheels.'

I shook hands. 'I trust you had not entirely stripped me of my reputation?'

'Surely, that is the very last of your possessions any reasonable person would covet?'

'A palpable hit,' said I. 'Nevertheless, you know that all I possess in the world is yours for the asking.'

'Yes, you mentioned as much, I think, at Nice. Or was it Colonel Tatkin who offered me a heart's devotion and an elopement? No, I believe it was you. But, dear me, Jasper is so disgustingly healthy that I shall probably never have any chance of recreation.'

I glanced toward Jasper Hardress. 'I have heard,' said I, hopefully, 'that there is consumption in the family?'

'Heavens, no! he told me that before marriage to encourage me, but I find there is not a word of truth in it.'

Then Jasper Hardress came to welcome his guest, and save from a distance I saw no more that evening of Gillian Hardress.

10. He Samples New Emotions

1

It was the following day, about noon, as I sat intent upon my Paris Herald that a tiny finger thrust a hole in it. I gave an inaudible observation, and observed a very plump young person in white with disfavour.

'And who may you happen to be?' I demanded.

'I'm Gladys,' the young lady responded; 'and I've runned away.'

'But not without an escort, I trust, Miss Gladys? Really—upon my word, you know, you surprise me, Gladys! An elopement without even a tincture of masculinity is positively not respectable.' I took the little girl into my lap, for I loved children, and all helpless things. 'Gladys,' I said, 'why don't you elope with me? And we will spend our honeymoon in the Hesperides.'

'All right,' said Gladys, cheerfully. She leaned upon my chest, and the plump, tiny hand clasped mine, in entire confidence; and the contact moved me to an irrational transport and to a yearning whose aim I could not comprehend. 'Now tell me a story,' said Gladys.

So that I presently narrated to Gladys the ensuing

Story of the Flowery Kingdom

  'Fair Sou-Chong-Tee, by a shimmering brook 
  Where ghost-like lilies loomed tall and straight, 
  Met young Too-Hi, in a moonlit nook, 
  Where they cooed and kissed till the hour was late: 
  Then, with lanterns, a mandarin passed in state, 
  Named Hoo-Hung-Hoo of the Golden Band, 
  Who had wooed the maiden to be his mate— 
  For these things occur in the Flowery Land. 
  'Now, Hoo-Hung-Hoo had written a book, 
  In seven volumes, to celebrate 
  The death of the Emperor's thirteenth cook: 
  So, being a person whose power was great, 
  He ordered a herald to indicate 
  He would blind Too-Hi with a red-hot brand 
  And marry Sou-Chong at a quarter-past-eight,— 
  For these things occur in the Flowery Land. 

  'And the brand was hot, and the lovers shook 
  In their several shoes, when by lucky fate 
  A Dragon came, with his tail in a crook,— 
  A Dragon out of a Nankeen Plate,— 
  And gobbled the hard-hearted potentate 
  And all of his servants, and snorted, and 
  Passed on at a super-cyclonic rate,— 
  For these things occur in the Flowery Land. 
  'The lovers were wed at an early date, 
  And lived for the future, I understand, 
  In one continuous tete-a-tete,— 
  For these things occur…in the Flowery Land.' 

Gladys wanted to know: 'But what sort of house is a tete-a-tete? Is it like a palace?'

'It is very often much nicer than a palace,' I declared,—'provided of course you are only stopping over for a week-end.'

'And wasn't it odd the Dragon should have come just when he did?'

'Oh, Gladys, Gladys! don't tell me you are a realist.'

'No, I'm a precious angel,' she composedly responded, with a flavour of quotation.