thieved from me on occasion, too, so I wasn?t going to beat myself up about that. The important thing was that I wasn?t an offense to the Trades Description Act anymore. Now I just had to sit back and wait for the clients to start pouring in.
As to what spiritual services
When I took Grambas?s toolbox back round to the yard, he was coming out of the lockup carrying a gallon drum of frying oil in each hand. He stopped when he saw me, and put them down. ?I forgot to tell you,? he said. ?You got a customer. Two, in fact.?
I raised my eyebrows. That was a novelty these days. ?When?? I demanded.
?This morning. About seven o?clock. They were standing in the rain out there when Maya came back from the wholesaler. She felt sorry for them. In fact she wouldn?t stop feeling sorry for them, and she wouldn?t shut up about it, so in the end I put some pants on and went down. They were still there, waiting for you to show. I told them they should leave a number and I?d call them when you turned up.? He dug in his pocket, fished out a table napkin, which he handed to me. There was a phone number written across it in Grambas?s lopsided, up-and-down handwriting.
?What did they look like?? I asked him.
?Wet.?
In the office I did the usual triage on the utilities bills and the usual ruthless cull on the rest of the mail, most of which is of the kind where you can tell it?s a scam or a speeding fine without even opening the envelope. The phone messages take longer, and some of those I had to follow up with calls of my own, but none of them were what you could call work. Not paying work, anyway. There was one from Coldwood asking me to call him, but I decided I?d put that off until later in the day. There was one from Pen, telling me that Coldwood had called the house, too, about five minutes after I left.
And there was one from Juliet.
?Hello, Felix.? I was rummaging in the filing cabinet, but that voice?plucking on the bass strings of my nervous system?brought me upright and turned me around to face the phone as though she might actually be there. ?I want your advice on something. It?s a little unusual, and I?d like you to see it for yourself. You?d have to get over to Acton, though, so I?ll understand if you say no. Call me.?
I did. Juliet, I should point out, is only a professional acquaintance of mine. True, I?d crawl on my belly to Jerusalem to turn that business relationship into something more torrid and sweat-streaked, but so would any other man who meets her and I?d guess more than half of the women. She?s a succubus (retired): getting people aroused and not thinking straight is part of how her species hunts and feeds.
Call return didn?t work, but I had Juliet?s number written down on a card that I carried in my wallet: like I said earlier, I almost never used it, because there was almost never any point. She stayed?nominally?in a room at a women?s refuge in Paddington. It had struck me as odd, at first, but it made a crazy kind of sense: men had abused her and controlled her until she got out from under and devoured them body and soul. In reality, though, the room was just a place where she stored her few belongings: she didn?t need to sleep, and she liked the open air, so she never spent much time there herself.
Her phone rang for long enough for me to consider giving up, but it?s rare enough to get a ring tone rather than the busy signal, so I held out. It?s not really her phone at all: it?s in the communal kitchen of the refuge, shared by all two dozen or so of the residents. After a minute or so it was finally picked up by Juliet herself so my luck was in again. I made a mental note to buy a lottery ticket.
?Hello??
?It?s me,? I said. ?What?s the deal??
?Oh, hello, Felix. Thanks for getting back to me.?
?Well, I?m still your sensei, right? Can?t leave you running around on your own out there.?
This was one of the more ridiculous aspects of our relationship. Juliet?her real name is Ajulutsikael?had originally been raised from hell to kill and devour me because I was asking awkward questions that a pimp named Damjohn didn?t want answered. But then she decided that living on earth was preferable to going home to the arse-end of hell, so she bailed out on the job and let me live?on condition that I taught her the exorcism game. So I found myself giving a work experience placement and tax advice to an entity several thousands of years old, who if she ever got the munchies during the working day could suck my soul out through any bodily orifice or appurtenance she chose. It had been interesting. Many years from now I might even get an unbroken night?s sleep again.
?So is this work, or what is it?? I went on, pushing those memories firmly back down into the fetid oubliette of my subconscious.
?I have a commission,? she said, sidestepping the question. ?At a church in West London. St. Michael?s, on Du Cane Road?it?s right opposite Wormwood Scrubs.?
?And???
?And I?d like a second opinion on something.?
?Are you being deliberately oblique and mysterious??
?Yes.?
?Fair enough. I?ll come on over when I?m done here. Is around six okay??
?Perfect. Thank you, Felix. It?s been a long time. I look forward to seeing you.?
?Yeah,? I said. ?Likewise. Catch you later, Jules.?
I hung up. Damn if I wasn?t sweating. Just her voice, and I was sweating.
I had to get my mind onto another track. Remembering Grambas?s napkin I took it out of my pocket: the numbers were slightly smeared by raindrops from when he?d passed it to me in the yard, but still legible. The first digits were ?07968,? so it was obviously a mobile.
I dialed.
?Hello?? A man?s voice, hesitant and over-careful, as if he expected bad news.
?This is Felix Castor,? I said. ?You called by my office this morning.?
?Mr. Castor!? The sudden excitement added a whole new palette of colors to the guy?s voice. I wish I could have that effect on some of the women I meet. ?Thank you for getting back to us. Thanks so much. Are you at your office now??
?Yes, I am. If you?d like to arrange an appointment??
?We?ll be right there. I?m sorry, I mean can we come and see you now? We?re very close by. Would that be convenient??
I considered a face-saving lie: it?s never a great idea to let a client see that you?re instantly available, because they draw all sorts of inferences about your caseload. On the other hand, it didn?t sound like I?d be having to work too hard to sell myself here.
So, ?Sure,? I said. ?Come on over.?
* * *
They introduced themselves as Melanie and Stephen Torrington?Mel and Steve. Nice people. I could see why Grambas?s fiancee, Maya, had instinctively sympathized. They both looked to be in their late thirties, well dressed and well groomed, affluent but not making a whole big thing out of it. Actually, there might have been one other thing that triggered the sympathy, and I was surprised that Grambas hadn?t mentioned it. The whole of the left side of Melanie?s face was a purple mass of bruising, her eye swollen half out of its socket.
Stephen was tall and blond with a rich tan that could even have been natural, although he sure as hell hadn?t gotten it in Harlesden. His slate- gray eyes could have given his face a hard cast, but the expression?self-effacing, open, slightly nervous?took a lot of the edge off it. He wore a nicely cut dark gray suit?too nice, and with too good a hang, to have come off the rack?and a sky-blue tie with a lacquered tiepin in the shape of a judge?s gavel. He also had a black plastic bin-liner full of something or other, clutched tightly in both hands so that he had to put it down to shake my hand. The bin-liner didn?t exactly go with the ensemble, but I figured we?d get to it in due course. And the handshake, which I?d hoped might give me some measure of the man underneath the tan, told me almost nothing. Sometimes whatever sense it is that lets me spy on the dead lets me overhear the emotions of the living, too, through skin-to-skin contact. From Stephen Torrington I got nothing but a burning thread of determination that overrode everything else.
Melanie was also blond, and also tall?a match made in heaven, obviously, or at least at some very exclusive country club on the way to heaven?and judging from the intact side, she had a beautifully sculpted face with aristocratic cheekbones and vivid blue eyes dusted with flecks of a lighter shade, like highlights. The ugly, swollen tissue on the left side sort of ruined the effect, though. She looked as though she?d been in a bad car accident?or as though someone had bounced her off a wall.
Like Steve, she was immaculately dressed and exuded wealth and status. Like him, she seemed to be locked inside a sarcophagus of dense emotion that I felt would have rung aloud if I?d tapped it with a finger. She kept her arms rigidly folded, hugging herself as if for comfort. The handshake here revealed complex, overlapping skeins of positive and negative affect: fear, pride, shame, ferocious love, more fear?a cat?s cradle of emotions that shouldn?t make it into each other?s company.
Steve said he was a solicitor for a family firm in Stoke Newington?not quite a partner, but almost there. Melanie was a barrister, which was how they?d met. They?d been married for eighteen years. This paltry small talk was as stiff and awkward as if I?d been asking them where and how they contracted syphilis.
Things were going to be awkward in other ways, too: with three people in it, my office was already feeling a little crowded. Add to that the fact that the
