Killing Time

'I'm not sure I like the idea of you roaming loose, Gideon,' he said in a measured tone, 'now that you know all our secrets. And do you honestly think that Larissa would go with you?'

'If you didn't stand in her way,' I replied, as bravely as I could. 'And as far as your secrets go, what are you worried about? I'm a criminal, remember, I'm in no rush to go to any authorities. And even if I was, who in the world would believe me?'

Malcolm cocked his head, considering it. 'Perhaps…'

Suddenly he sucked in a rush of air, and his hands fairly flew to his temples. I made a move to help him, but he waved me off. 'No!' he said, gritting his teeth and fumbling in his pocket for his injector. 'No, Gideon. This — is no longer your affair. Take your tender conscience — and leave — now!'

What was there to do but comply? Farewells would have been inappropriate, even grotesque, in light of all we'd been through and said to each other. I simply crossed over to the door and opened it, all anger gone, all compassion numbed. As I stepped out I turned once, to see Malcolm sitting there, huddled with the injector at a vein in his hand, murmuring something to himself through his still-clenched teeth.

I found myself thinking that it was a pity that all his talk of time travel had been so obviously delusional; for when all was said and done there really was very little in the present for such a man.

CHAPTER 43

My only remaining quandary was how much to tell the others about my conversation (if conversation it could be called) with Malcolm. I knew that all of them were immensely loyal to him, though each in a different way, and it was not my purpose to tamper with those relationships. But they had a right to know that his behavior and statements had been such as to make me question his sanity, and so I asked them to join me in my quarters, which they did at sunset. As I related my tale, I sat in the bay window that looked out over the little cove, the omnipresent flocks of seabirds keeping up a chatter during their evening feed that made it difficult for me to speak in the hushed tone that I could not help but feel the situation warranted. I tried not to be biased in my explanation, but I also tried to be frank and complete, stressing Malcolm's consistent refusal to accept any responsibility for the Moscow disaster and detailing in full his apparently genuine belief that he would soon be able to travel through time.

'Did he happen to say,' Eli remarked, looking, to my surprise and dismay, very intrigued, 'whose configuration he's emulating?'

I had to shake my head hard. «What?»

'Was it Godel?' Eli went on. 'Kerr? Or Thorne maybe?'

'Not Thorne' Jonah said dismissively. 'Even Malcolm doesn't have the power to create a wormhole in his lab—'

'Eli? Jonah?' I was a bit dismayed and let it show. 'You're not going to do any good by humoring him about this. It's a fantasy, and a potentially dangerous one, based in a lot of old and new psychological trauma—'

'Do you know that?' The tone was Malcolm's, but the voice belonged to Larissa. She was sitting near me but looking away, deep concern all over her face; she seemed to have known from the moment I'd begun speaking that she would shortly face a crisis of her own.

'If you do, Gideon,' Julien threw in, 'then you know more than many brilliant minds who have studied the subject for generations.'

'Listen, I've read Einstein and Hawking,' I countered. Then I added, with some embarrassment, 'Well, I've read Einstein, anyway. But I've read about Hawking. And both said that the paradoxes inherent in the idea of time travel forbid it as a physical possibility.'

'They forbid one type of it,' Eli countered, adding, in terminology that matched Malcolm's, 'closed timelike curves. But there are other ways to move through time, though they're not particularly appealing—'

'I think,' Colonel Slayton said firmly, 'that this is perhaps not the moment for an academic discussion of time travel.' He eyed me sternly. 'Gideon, I'm sorry to have to say this, but you could be seen as having personal reasons for calling Malcolm's judgment into question. You're aware of that, I trust — and aware of the fact that we're aware of it.'

Julien, Eli, and Jonah looked away in evident discomfort; Larissa, however, moved closer to me. 'That statement's a little out of line, isn't it, Colonel?' she said. 'Gideon's never done anything to warrant suspicion — or disrespect.'

'Gideon is fully aware of the respect I have for him, Larissa,' Slayton replied. 'But he also knows that I have to ask.'

I nodded to Larissa, indicating that what the colonel had said was true but trying at the same time to silently thank her for coming to my defense. 'I understand, Colonel,' I said. 'But believe me, no personal interest would ever make me misrepresent something like this. It's not just that it would be unethical — I've considered Malcolm a friend. And it's friendship that's making me warn you about this. There's nothing more I can do. I told him I can't participate in this undertaking anymore, and after a rather dicey moment he agreed that I should depart. So it won't be up to me to deal with the question of his mental health. But I had to tell you that in my opinion it needs dealing with — badly.'

Colonel Slayton took this all in with a slow nod and a look that was, for him, very close to being emotional. Julien and the Kupermans, on the other hand, were quite openly saddened. 'But,' Eli said eventually, 'where will you go, Gideon?'

I glanced at Larissa, who did not return the look. 'I haven't really decided.'

'There will be warrants out for you,' Slayton advised. 'The U.S. is certainly out of the question, and Europe will be dangerous, too.'

'I know.' For the first time since I had started to anguish morally over my participation in Malcolm's enterprise, I began to realistically consider leaving these people with whom I had shared so much in such a compressed time; and it tugged at me hard. 'I suppose I'll head south,' I went on, turning away from them. 'Try to find someplace where no one's paying attention to any of this.' I attempted to rally and smile. 'If anybody feels like coming along, I wouldn't say no.'

Slayton, Julien, and the Kupermans tried to return my halfhearted smile, but with as little success as I was enjoying: the moment had arrived for good-byes, and we all knew it. Slayton was the first to approach me, his strong hand extended. 'One of us will get you over to Scotland in the jetcopter, Gideon. We've got an emergency reserve of various currencies, you can dip into that. And you'll want some alternate identity documents and discs. But be careful— we can adjust them to match your DNA for the average reader, but if anyone runs one through the universal database, you'll be in trouble. You'd better have a couple of sidearms, as well.'

'Thank you, Colonel,' I said quietly, shaking his hand.

As he studied my face, his eyes went thin, the one on his right pulling at the long scar that I no longer even noticed when I looked at him. 'Try not to be too alarmed about Malcolm. He's exhausted. We'll look after him and make sure he recovers — and once he has, you may want to return, Gideon. I know there are aspects of this fight you don't like, but now that you've been part of it I think you're going to find readjusting to the world you used to know… difficult.'

'I'm sure that's true, Colonel,' I said. 'But you shouldn't have someone on your team whom you can't rely on absolutely. And after — well… too many questions, that's all.'

Slayton touched his scar briefly, then clasped my shoulder. 'I suppose you're right. But I'm sorry to see you go, Dr. Wolfe.' He began to walk slowly toward the door. 'As for me, I've seen madmen burn cities before. Not on this scale, perhaps, but enough to know in my heart where the blame belongs. So take my word for it, Gideon— that's one thing you don't need to burden yourself with while you're on the run.'

As Slayton's soldierly step began to resound on the stone walkway outside, Eli and Jonah came over to me together, Eli giving me the same generous smile he had when I'd first faced him in Belle Isle prison. 'I owe you one jailbreak,' he said. 'So if they pick you up and you get a chance to make that phone call…'

I chuckled and shook his hand, then glanced from him to Jonah. 'None of it bothers you two — the things I've said?'