The Blind Barber

'By the Lord! had he pinched the emerald elephant?' demanded Warren. 'Look here; we did better than we knew. Getting this back — ha! Why old Sturton'll — What's the matter with you all? What are you thinking about?' His eyes suddenly widened. They all stared at one another under the wild screaming of the night. 'Look!' muttered Warren, swallowing hard. 'That is, you don't think— hurrum?'

Captain Valvick groped his way down to where a stout mass in a waterproof, dead to the world, was wedged into an angle of the glass enclosure. Bending down, and sheltered by the enclosure, they saw the spurt of a match.

'Oh, Yesus!' said the captain, in an awed voice. He got up. He pushed back his cap and scratched his head. When he came back to them his leathery face had a queer, wrinkled, wryly amused expression, and his voice was matter-of-fact.

'Ay t'ank,' he observed, scratching his head again— 'ay t'ank we haf made a mistake. Ay t'ank we are in one most hawful yam. Ay t'ank de man you haff busted in de yaw is Captain Whistler.'

6 — The Missing Body

Morgan reeled, in a more than merely literal sense. Then he recovered himself, after a long silence in which everybody stared at everybody else. He hooked his arms in the rail and took a meditative survey of the deck. He cleared his throat.

'Well, well!' he said.

Captain Valvick suddenly chuckled, and then let out thunderous guffaws. He doubled up his shoulders, shook, writhed in unholy fashion, and there were tears in those honest old eyes as he leaned against the rail. Warren joined him; Warren could not help it. They chortled, they yowled, they slapped one another on the back and roared. Morgan eyed them in some disapproval.

'Not for the world,' he observed, in a thoughtful yell, 'would I care to be a spirit of Stygian gloom upon the innocent mirth and jollity of this occasion. Go on and gather rosebuds, you fatheads. But certain facts remain for our consideration. I am not thoroughly familiar with maritime law. Beyond the obvious fact that we have compounded and executed a felony, I am therefore not fully aware of the exact extent of our offence. But I have my suspicions, gentlemen. It would strike me that any seagoing passenger who wilfully up and busts the captain in the eye, or is found guilty of conniving at the same, will probably spend the rest of his life in clink… Peggy, my dear, hand me that bottle. I need a drink.'

The girl's lips were twitching with unholy mirth, but she put the steel box under her arm and obediently handed over the whisky. Morgan sampled it. He sampled it again. He had sampled it a third time before Warren got his face straight.

'It's aaal-ri-whooooosh!' roared Warren, doubling up again. 'It's all riii-whi-choosh! I mean, wha-keeeee! It's all right, old man. You people go on back to the cabin and sit down and make yourselves comfortable. I'll throw some water over the old walrus and confess to him. Huh-huh-huh!' His shoulders heaved; he swallowed and straightened up. 'I pasted him. So I'll have to tell him… '

'Don't be a howling ass,' said Morgan. 'You'll tell him what?'

'Why, that—' said the other, and stopped.

'Exactly,' said Morgan. 'I defy anybody's ingenuity to invent a reasonable lie as to why you came roaring out of your cabin, Slid down sixty yards of deck, and bounced the captain of the Queen Victoria all over his own deck. And, when that walrus comes to, my boy, he's going to be WILD. If you tell him the truth, then the fat's in the fire and you've got to explain about Uncle Warpus — not that he'd probably believe you, anyway… '

'Um,' said Warren, uneasily. 'But, say what do you suppose did happen, anyway? Hell! I thought I was hitting the fellow who tried to break into my cabin… '

Morgan handed him the bottle. 'It was his captainly solicitude, my lad. Peggy told him all about your accident at dinner. Now that I come to think of it, what she neglected to tell him was that you were supposedly taken to the infirmary. So he came to call on the wreck… '

'After—' shouted Captain Valvick excitedly—'after he hass persuaded de English duke to give him dat hemerald helephant, and he take it wit' him to put in de safe… ''

'Exactly. He glanced in your cabin, saw you weren't there, went out, and—bang ' Morgan reflected. 'Besides, my lad, there's another good reason why you can't confess. The one thing we'll be forced to report to him is that girl — the one in the cabin now — with a crack over the back of the head. You'll certainly be for it if you admit slugging the captain. To our friend Whistler's forthright intelligence, the explanation would be simple. If one of your simple pleasures is to go about assaulting the skippers of ocean liners, then you would consider beaning his lady-passengers with a blackjack as only a kind of warm-lng-up exercise. Especially as — Holy Mike!' Morgan Mopped, stared, and then seized the rail again as the ship roared down. 'Now that I remember it, our good Peggy Informed the captain at dinner that she was afraid you suffered from bats in the belfry… '

'Oooo, I never did!' cried the girl, and undoubtedly believed it. 'All I said was—'

'Never mind, Baby,' said Warren, soothingly. 'The point is, what's to be done? We can't stand here arguing, mid we're soaked to the skin. I'm pretty sure the old whatnot didn't recognise me, or any of us… '

'You're positive of that?'

'Absolutely.'

'Well, then,' said Morgan, with a breath of relief, 'the only thing to do is to shove the box inside his coat and leave him where he is. Every second we stay here we're in danger of being spotted, and then — whaa! I — er — don't suppose there's any danger of his rolling overboard, is there?' he added, doubtfully.

'Noooo, not a chance!' Captain Valvick assured him, with cheerful scorn. 'He be all right where he iss. Ay fold him up against de bulkhead, Ha-ha-ha! Giff me de box, Miss Glenn. Ah, you shiver! You should not haf come out wi'out de coat. Now you giff me de box and go back where it iss warm. Dere iss not'ing to be afraid of now, because we haf—'

'Captain Whistler, sir!' cried a voice, almost directly above their heads.

Morgan's heart executed a somersault over a couple of rowdy lungs. He stared at the others, who were stricken silent, and stayed motionless without daring to look up. The voice seemed to have come from the top of the companion-way to B deck, near which Warren and Valvick were standing. They were in shadow, but Morgan feared the worst. He glanced at Peggy, who was petrified, and who held the steel box like a bomb. He saw what was passing in her mind. She looked at the rail, as though she had a wild impulse to toss the box overboard, and he gestured a savage negative. Morgan felt something knocking at his ribs…

'Captain Whistler, sir!' repeated the voice, more loudly. The sea battered back in answer. 'I could've sworn,' the voice continued, in tones which Morgan recognised as belonging to the second officer, 'I heard something down there. What's happened to the old man, anyway? He said he'd be up… ' The rest of it was lost in the gale, until a second voice — it sounded like the ship's doctor — said:

'It sounded like a woman. I say, you don't suppose the old man's up to any funny business with the ladies, do you? Shall we go down?'

Feet scuffled on the iron companion-ladder, but the second officer said: 'Never mind. It might've been imagination. We'll—'

And then, to the horror of the little group by the glass enclosure, the captain's corpse sat up.

'!!!!³^¹/2&?!?!??⁰???' roared Captain Whistler-weakly it is true, and huskily, but with gathering volume as his sticky wits ceased to whirl.'!&?&/?/!' He gasped, he blinked, and then, as the full realisation smote him, he lifted shaking arms to heaven and set soaring his soul in one hoarse blast: 'M!!&/?—!!?????&—&?/!!/?%³/4Vsll Thieves! Murderers! Help!'

'That's torn it,' breathed Morgan, in a fierce whisper. 'Quick! There's only one… What are you doing?' he demanded, and stared at Peggy Glenn.

After saying, 'Eiee!' the girl did not hesitate. Just behind her there was the porthole to somebody's cabin, open and fastened back. As the obliging boat rolled over to assist her aim, she flung the steel box inside. It was a dark cabin, and they heard the box bump down. Without looking at the others, who were staring aghast, she had