Chosen

have caused Loren's death.

His death … Loren's death …

It hit me again. I don't know how long I leaned against the wall of the auditorium and cried and shook. I just knew that I was mourning the death of the girl I used to be as much as Loren.

'It's your fault.'

Neferet's voice sliced through me. I looked up, wiping my face with my sleeve, to see her standing there, red-eyed but tearless.

She made me sick.

'They'll all think you're not crying because you're brave and strong,' I said. 'But I know you're not crying because you don't have a heart. You're not capable of caring enough to cry.'

'You're wrong. I loved him, and he adored me in return. But you already know that, don't you? You watched us like the little sneak you are,' she said. Neferet glanced quickly over her shoulder at the doors and raised her index finger up, as if saying she needed a minute. I could see the warrior who had been about to come out to her stop and turn his back against the doors; obviously his job was to keep anyone from interrupting us. Then Neferet turned back to me. 'Loren's dead because of you. He could feel how upset you were, and when the perimeter was breached he assumed it was you running away from the little scene I orchestrated between you and poor, shocked Erik.' She said it with a sarcastic sneer. 'Loren went out to find you. And because he was looking for you, Loren was killed.'

I shook my head, letting my anger and disgust drown out my pain and fear. 'You caused all of this. You know it. I know it. And, more importantly, Nyx knows it.'

Neferet laughed. 'You've used the Goddess's name before to threaten me, yet here I am, a powerful High Priestess, and here you are, a silly, stupid fledgling who has been abandoned by her friends.'

I swallowed hard. She was right. She was all that, and I was nothing. I'd made stupid choices, and because of that I'd broken the trust of my friends. And she was still, well, in charge. I knew in my heart Neferet was hiding evil and hatred, but even I couldn't look at her and see it. She was bright and beautiful and powerful. She looked like the perfect picture of a High Priestess and someone Chosen by a goddess. How did I think I could ever stand up to her?

Then I felt the nudging of the wind, the heat of a summer's day, the sweet coolness of the seashore, the wild vastness of the earth, and the strength of my spirit. The new evidence of Nyx's favor tingled around my waist as the Goddess's words whispered from my memory: Remember, darkness does not always equate to evil, just as light does not always bring good.

I straightened my spine. Focusing on the five elements, I raised my hands, palms out, and without touching Neferet, I shoved. The High Priestess was thrown backward, stumbled, lost her footing, and fell smack on her butt. As several warriors burst out of the auditorium to help her to her feet, I bent, pretending like I was making sure she was okay, and whispered, 'You might want to reconsider pissing me off, old woman.'

'This isn't over between us,' she hissed.

'For once I totally agree with you,' I said.

Then I backed away from her and let the warriors and the rest of the fledglings and vamps who were swarming out of the auditorium mill around her. I could hear her reassuring them that she'd just broken a heel and tripped—that everything was okay—and then the crowd blanketed the sight and sound.

I didn't wait for the Twins and Damien to come out and ignore me. I turned my back on all of them and headed toward my dorm. I was brought up short when Erik stepped out of the shadows at the edge of the auditorium. His eyes were wide with shock, and he looked shaken and pale. Clearly, he had witnessed the entire scene between Neferet and me. I lifted my chin and met his familiar blue eyes.

'Yeah, there's more going on here than you assumed,' I said.

He shook his head, but more like in surprise than in disbelief. 'Neferet… she's—she's …' He stuttered, glancing over my shoulder at the mob that still surrounded the High Priestess.

'She's an evil bitch? Are those the words you're searching for? Yeah, she is.' It felt good to say it. It felt especially good to say it to Erik. I wanted to explain more to him, but his next words stopped me.

'This doesn't change what you did.'

I suddenly felt nothing but very, very tired. 'I know that, Erik.' Without another word I walked away from him.

Predawn was lighting the sky, giving the darkness the pastel tint of misty morning. I breathed deeply, taking in the coolness of the new day. The confrontations with Neferet and Erik had left me weirdly peaceful and my thoughts easily organized themselves into two neat little columns.

On the positive side: One, my best friend was no longer an undead-dead blood-crazed monster. Of course, I wasn't really sure what she was, or, for that matter, where she was. Two, I no longer had three boyfriends to juggle. Three, I wasn't Imprinted with anyone, which was also a good thing. Four, Aphrodite wasn't dead. Five, I'd told my friends a whole bunch of stuff I'd wanted to tell them for a long time. Six, I wasn't a virgin anymore.

On the negative side: One, I wasn't a virgin anymore. Two, I no longer had a boyfriend. Not one. Three, I may have somehow caused the Vampyre Poet Laureate's death, and if I hadn't caused it someone in my family might have. Four, Aphrodite was a human, and clearly totally freaking out. Five, Most of my friends were pissed at me and didn't trust me. Six, I wasn't done lying to them because I still couldn't let them know the truth about Neferet. Seven, I was smack in the middle of a war between vampyres (which I was not one of yet) and humans (which I was no longer one of). And, for the grand prize winner, eight, The most powerful vamp High Priestess of our time was my sworn enemy.

'Mee-uf-ow!' Nala's grumpy voice gave me enough warning to open my arms just before she launched herself at me.

I cuddled her. 'Some day you're gonna jump too soon and fall right on your butt.' I smiled, remembering. 'Kinda like Neferet fell right on her butt.'

Nala turned her purr button on and rubbed her face against my cheek.

'Well, Nala, seems I'm in the middle of some deep poo. The negatives in my life totally outweigh the positives, and you know what's weird? I'm starting to actually get used to it.' Nala kept up her purr machine, and I kissed her on the little white splotch over her nose. 'Hard stuff is coming, but I honestly believe Nyx has Chosen me, which means shell be with me.' Nala made a huffy-old-lady cat noise, and I hastily corrected myself. 'I mean us. Nyx will be with us.' I shifted Nala in my arms so I could open the door to the dorm. 'Of course, Nyx choosing me kinda makes me question her decision-making skills,' I mumbled, only half kidding.

Believe in yourself, Daughter, and get ready for what is to come.

I yelped as the Goddess's voice floated through my mind. Great. Get ready for what is to come did not sound good. I looked at Nala and sighed.

'Remember when we thought me having a sucky birthday was our biggest problem?'

Nala sneezed directly in my face, making me laugh while I said 'eew' and hurried into my room, going for the box of Kleenex I kept on my bedside table.

As usual, Nala summed up my life perfectly: kinda funny, kinda gross, and more than kinda messy.