“Hello, A-ya,” I said softly.
“Zoey,” she said, dipping her head in hello. Her voice sounded a lot like mine, except there was a sense of sadness about her that colored everything she said.
“I trusted Kalona because of you,” I told her.
“You had compassion for him because of me,” she corrected. “When you lost me, you also lost compassion.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “I’m still compassionate. I care about Heath.”
“Do you? Is that why you are keeping him here with you instead of allowing him to move on?”
“Heath doesn’t want to leave,” I shot back, and then closed my mouth, surprised at how angry I sounded.
A-ya shook her head, causing her long, dark hair to flutter around her waist. “You haven’t stopped to think of what Heath might want—what anyone besides you might want. And you won’t, not really, not until you call me back to you.”
“I don’t want you back. It’s because of you that this has happened.”
“No, Zoey, it’s not. All of this happened because of a series of choices made by a number of people. This isn’t all about you.” Shaking her head sadly, A-ya disappeared.
“Good riddance,” I muttered, and started to pace again, even more restless than before.
When another shadow flickered at the corner of my vision, I whirled around, ready to tell off A-ya once and for all, but instead my mouth flopped open. I was staring at
“Hi,” I said.
“We got boobies!” the kid me said, gawking at my chest. “I’m really
“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. Finally.”
“I kinda wish they were bigger.” The kid me kept staring at my boobies until I felt like crossing my arms over my chest, which was ridiculous because she was me—which was just weird. “But, oh, well, it could be worse! We could have been like Becky Apple, heehees!”
Her voice was so filled with joy that she made me smile in response, but only for a second. It was like it was too hard for me to hold onto the joy she seemed to glow with.
“Becky Renee Apple—can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogrammed with ‘BRA’?” the kid me said, and then broke into giggles.
I tried, unsuccessfully, to hold onto my smile while I said, “Yeah, that poor girl was doomed from the first day of cold weather.” I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face, wondering why I felt so inexplicably sad.
“It’s ’cause I’m not with you anymore,” the kid me said. “I’m your joy. Without me, you can’t ever really be happy again.”
I stared at her, knowing that, like A-ya, she was telling me the truth.
Heath murmured in his sleep again, drawing my gaze to him. He looked so strong and normal and young, but he’d never step on another football field again. He’d never gun his truck around another slick corner and whoop like an Okie. He’d never be a husband. He’d never be a dad. I looked from him to the nine- year-old me.
“I don’t think I deserve to be happy again.”
“I’m sorry for you, Zoey,” she said, and disappeared.
Feeling kinda dizzy and light-headed, I paced.
The next version of me didn’t flicker or flutter at the edge of my vision. This version met me head-on, blocking my pacing path. She didn’t look like me. She was super tall. Her hair was long and wild and a bright copper red. It wasn’t until I met her gaze that I saw our similarity—we had the same eyes. She was another piece of me; I knew her.
“So who are you?” I said wearily. “And what part of me am I going to be missing if I don’t get you back?”
“You may call me Brighid. Without me, you lack strength.”
I sighed. “I’m too tired to be strong right now. How about we talk again after I take a nap?”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Brighid shook her head disdainfully. “Without us, you won’t take a nap—you won’t get better—you won’t rest. without us, you just get more and more incomplete, and you drift.”
I tried to focus through the headache that was building in my temples. “But I’d be drifting with Heath.”
“Yes, you might be.”
“And if I get all of you back together inside me, I’ll leave Heath.”
“Yes, you might.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t return to a world without him,” I said.
“Then you truly are broken.” Without another word, Brighid disappeared.
My legs gave out, and I sat down hard on the moss. I only knew I was crying when my tears started making wet marks on my jeans. I don’t know how long I sat there, bent with grief and confusion and weariness, but eventually a sound slipped inside my mental fog: wings, rustling, beating against the wind, hovering, dipping, searching.
“Come on, Zo. We need to get farther into the grove.”
I looked up to see that Heath was crouching beside me. “This is my fault,” I said.
“No, it’s not, but why does it matter so much whose fault it is? This is done, babe. It can’t be undone.”
“I can’t leave you, Heath,” I sobbed.
He brushed the hair back from my face and handed me another ball of Kleenexes. “I know you can’t.”
The sound of enormous wings got louder; tree boughs behind us swayed in response.
“Zo, let’s talk about this later, ’kay? Right now we need to move again.” He grabbed me under one of my elbows, lifted me to my feet, and started to guide me deeper into the grove, where the shadows were darker and the trees even more ancient-looking.
I let him move me. It felt better to move. Not good. I didn’t feel good. But it was better when I wasn’t holding still.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” I said listlessly.
“Him?” Heath asked, helping me step over a rough gray stone.
“Kalona.” The word seemed to change the density of the air around us. “He’s come for me.”
Heath gave me a sharp look, and shouted, “No, I’m not going to let him get you!”
“No, I’m not going to let him get you!” Dragon shouted.
Along with everyone else in the Council Chamber, Stevie Rae stared at the Sword Master, who looked like he might be getting ready to pop a major blood vessel.
“Uh, him who, Dragon?” Stevie Rae said.
“That Raven Mocker who killed my mate! That’s why you can’t go out alone until we track that creature down and destroy it.”
Stevie Rae tried to ignore the hollow feeling Dragon’s words gave her and the
