uncertainty of her face, he thought better of it and resumed biting his lips. “I suppose you’re right,” said Susan, not sounding entirely convinced.
“So you’ll take the money.”
Susan thought a moment longer, then the shadow left her face. Harlan smiled again, both at the leap of joy in Kane’s eyes as his mum nodded, and at the way the boy turned to him as if expecting him to somehow magic up the cash right that instant. There was relief as well as amusement in Harlan’s expression. The thought of accepting the reward turned his stomach. If Susan had refused it, he would’ve instructed the solicitors to distribute it to whatever worthy causes they pleased. And after all, what worthier cause was there than Ethan? The money wouldn’t erase the memory of what’d happened to him — only time and love might do that — but it would make things easier. After everything he’d been through, surely he deserved that much at least. Harlan was careful not to let Susan see his relief. He knew she’d reverse her decision if she got even the slightest hint that taking the money was charity.
“Does this mean we’re gonna move house?” Kane asked eagerly. When Susan nodded, he continued, “Fuckin’ wicked! Can we get one of those plasma tellies for the front room?”
“Kane, what did I just say about watching your language?”
“Sorry, Mum, but can we?”
“We can’t afford a new telly.”
“Yes we can. We’re gonna be rich.”
“Seventy-thousand pounds is a lot of money, but it doesn’t make us rich.”
Kane’s lips contracted into a pout. “Harlan said it’s my money. So that means I can spend it on what I want.”
“If you think I’m gonna let you piss that money away on TVs and the like, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“But-”
Susan raised a warning finger. “This isn’t up for discussion.”
With a huff of annoyance, Kane turned and stomped from the room. Susan rolled her eyes at Harlan. “Honestly, kids! Who’d have ’em?”
I would, was Harlan’s instant thought.
Susan blinked guiltily, as if she’d read his mind. “Sorry. I forgot about…y’know, about your son.”
Harlan smiled, but it was the old forced smile. “You don’t ever have to apologise to me.”
“But I want to.” Susan squeezed Harlan’s hand, looking into his eyes. “I want…” For a second she seemed to be struggling to find the words she was looking for. Or maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe she was thinking the words, but finding it difficult to say them. She cleared her throat as if clearing a slight blockage from her mind. “I want you to be happy.”
The strain vanished from Harlan’s face. Happy. The word vibrated through his body. Was it possible for him to be happy? He didn’t know. He was certain of only one thing: it was possible now for him to try. He squeezed Susan’s hand back. Their eyes remained in contact a moment longer, then she glanced worriedly towards the door. “Go after him,” said Harlan.
“Do you mind? I can stay if you want?”
Harlan shook his head. “He needs you a lot more than I do.”
Susan released Harlan’s hand, saying in a hesitating kind of way, “I guess we’ll talk soon.”
Harlan nodded. “I’ll call you.” Even as he said the words, he realised he wouldn’t be calling Susan. As much as he wanted to keep tabs on how she, Kane and especially Ethan were doing, he also knew it wouldn’t do any of them any good to remain in contact. All it would do would be to keep the embers of the past glowing. Now was the time to let that fire die and build another. From her hesitation, he guessed Susan felt the same way, even if she didn’t consciously recognise it.
“Take care.”
“You too.”
As Susan headed out the room, Eve stepped into it. The two woman exchanged a glance. Susan smiled faintly and nodded almost imperceptibly. Eve replied in kind. There was no particular like or dislike in either of their eyes, simply acknowledgement. Eve’s brow creased in a slight wince at the sight of Harlan, as if it hurt her to look at him. She made as if to take his hand, but hesitated. She stared nervously at him, unconsciously touching her belly as she waited for him to speak. “She came to say thank you,” he told her.
“And what does that mean for us?”
“It means I want us to start again, build a new life, maybe in a new place, just the two of us — that’s if you’ll have me.”
The lines faded from Eve’s brow, but her nervousness remained. “Of course I’ll have you,” she began in a soft, almost tentative voice. “I don’t care whether we stay here or move to the other side of the world, just so long as we can be together. But-” She broke off with a little swallow.
Harlan frowned. “But what?”
“Wherever we are it won’t be just the two of us?”
“What do you mean?”
“For an ex-copper, you sure are slow catching on sometimes.” Eve took Harlan’s hand and very gently placed its palm against her stomach.
He stared up at her, feeling hope flicker in the darkness that’d grown like a tumour inside him, but hardly daring to believe it. “You mean…”
“I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant! Was it possible? Or was it the effects of concussion and painkillers playing tricks on him. “How?”
“How do you think? Remember, Harlan, that doctor didn’t say you were infertile, he said you’d find it very difficult to conceive.” Eve smiled. “You look as if you’re wondering whether or not you’re about to wake up. Well don’t worry, you’re not dreaming. This is real. I’m…we’re going to have a baby.”
“A baby.” Suddenly tears filled Harlan’s eyes, and laughter filled his mouth. “We’re going to have a baby!” He pulled Eve to him and kissed her hard and full on the lips.
“Easy, tiger,” she gasped, laughing too.
Harlan eased his embrace. He gently touched Eve’s stomach and softly spoke to it. “Sorry, little baby, Daddy got a bit carried away. I promise it won’t happen again. From now on I’ll handle mummy as if she was made of glass.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m made out of something a lot tougher than glass.”
A look of guilt came into Harlan’s eyes as he thought about everything he’d put Eve through. He started to drop his gaze, but she lifted his chin.
“This isn’t the time for sad thoughts, Harlan. Like you said, this is the time for putting the past behind us and starting fresh. All that other stuff — the grief, the guilt — that’s over with, isn’t it?”
Harlan nodded, wanting to believe she was right, needing to believe it. Tom would always be with him, of course. As would Robert Reed. But maybe he could start to remember the good times with Tom. And maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t feel like tearing his own guts out every time the image of Robert Reed lying on the snowy pavement came into his mind. He kissed Eve again, as gently as a breeze this time. Then he pulled back his sheets and got out of bed.
“What are you doing?” asked Eve.
“What does it look like? I’m discharging myself.”
“But you’re not well enough.”
“I feel great. Better than I have done in years. And besides, I’m not letting either of you out of my sight. This time things are going to be different. No working long hours at a job that sucks me dry. No losing sight of what really matters. This time it’s just going to be the three of us all the way.”
“Sounds wonderful. Unfortunately someone has to go to work and pay the bills.”
“You’re forgetting. I’ve got a couple of hundred thousand quid coming my way. If we’re careful, we should be able to live off that for a good few years.”
“And what about when it runs out?”
Harlan shrugged. “We’ll work something out.”
