'I don't know. Everything here worries me,' she answered, and pondered. 'Everything worries me. I hear sympathy in your voice; it seemed to me as soon as I saw you that I could tell you all about it.'
'Tell me, I beg you.'
'I want to tell you of my opinion. It seems to me that I have no illness, but that I am weary and frightened, because it is bound to be so and cannot be otherwise. Even the healthiest person can't help being uneasy if, for instance, a robber is moving about under his window. I am constantly being doctored,' she went on, looking at her knees, and she gave a shy smile. 'I am very grateful, of course, and I do not deny that the treatment is a benefit; but I should like to talk, not with a doctor, but with some intimate friend who would understand me and would convince me that I was right or wrong.'
'Have you no friends?' asked Korolyov.
'I am lonely. I have a mother; I love her, but, all the same, I am lonely. That's how it happens to be. . . . Lonely people read a great deal, but say little and hear little. Life for them is mysterious; they are mystics and often see the devil where he is not. Lermontov's Tamara was lonely and she saw the devil.'
'Do you read a great deal?'
'Yes. You see, my whole time is free from morning till night. I read by day, and by night my head is empty; instead of thoughts there are shadows in it.'
'Do you see anything at night?' asked Korolyov.
'No, but I feel. . . .'
She smiled again, raised her eyes to the doctor, and looked at him so sorrowfully, so intelligently; and it seemed to him that she trusted him, and that she wanted to speak frankly to him, and that she thought the same as he did. But she was silent, perhaps waiting for him to speak.
And he knew what to say to her. It was clear to him that she needed as quickly as possible to give up the five buildings and the million if she had it -- to leave that devil that looked out at night; it was clear to him, too, that she thought so herself, and was only waiting for some one she trusted to confirm her.
But he did not know how to say it. How? One is shy of asking men under sentence what they have been sentenced for; and in the same way it is awkward to ask very rich people what they want so much money for, why they make such a poor use of their wealth, why they don't give it up, even when they see in it their unhappiness; and if they begin a conversation about it themselves, it is usually embarrassing, awkward, and long.
'How is one to say it?' Korolyov wondered. 'And is it necessary to speak?'
And he said what he meant in a roundabout way:
'You in the position of a factory owner and a wealthy heiress are dissatisfied; you don't believe in your right to it; and here now you can't sleep. That, of course, is better than if you were satisfied, slept soundly, and thought everything was satisfactory. Your sleeplessness does you credit; in any case, it is a good sign. In reality, such a conversation as this between us now would have been unthinkable for our parents. At night they did not talk, but slept sound; we, our generation, sleep badly, are restless, but talk a great deal, and are always trying to settle whether we are right or not. For our children or grandchildren that question -- whether they are right or not -- will have been settled. Things will be clearer for them than for us. Life will be good in fifty years' time; it's only a pity we shall not last out till then. It would be interesting to have a peep at it.'
'What will our children and grandchildren do?' asked Liza.
'I don't know. . . . I suppose they will throw it all up and go away.'
'Go where?'
'Where? . . . Why, where they like,' said Korolyov; and he laughed. 'There are lots of places a good, intelligent person can go to.'
He glanced at his watch.
'The sun has risen, though,' he said. 'It is time you were asleep. Undress and sleep soundly. Very glad to have made your acquaintance,' he went on, pressing her hand. 'You are a good, interesting woman. Good-night!'
He went to his room and went to bed.
In the morning when the carriage was brought round they all came out on to the steps to see him off. Liza, pale and exhausted, was in a white dress as though for a holiday, with a flower in her hair; she looked at him, as yesterday, sorrowfully and intelligently, smiled and talked, and all with an expression as though she wanted to tell him something special, important -- him alone. They could hear the larks trilling and the church bells pealing. The windows in the factory buildings were sparkling gaily, and, driving across the yard and afterwards along the road to the station, Korolyov thought neither of the workpeople nor of lake dwellings, nor of the devil, but thought of the time, perhaps close at hand, when life would be as bright and joyous as that still Sunday morning; and he thought how pleasant it was on such a morning in the spring to drive with three horses in a good carriage, and to bask in the sunshine.
NOTES
kalibromati: potassium bromate; what the governess probably means is potassium bromide, which was used as a sendative
Convallaria: used as a sedative to calm heart rhythms
uniform: even non-governmental organizations had uniforms
Red Cross Badge: given for charitable work
Lermontov's Tamara: heroine of the narrative poem
* * *
The Darling
by Anton Chekhov
OLENKA, the daughter of the retired collegiate assessor, Plemyanniakov, was sitting in her back porch, lost in thought. It was hot, the flies were persistent and teasing, and it was pleasant to reflect that it would soon be evening. Dark rainclouds were gathering from the east, and bringing from time to time a breath of moisture in the
