me. Didn’t he tell you that I should be destroyed or sent to the public works?’’
‘‘Yes,’’ laughed Samoilenko.
Laevsky also laughed and drank some wine.
‘‘His ideals are despotic as well,’’ he said, laughing and taking a bite of peach. ‘‘Ordinary mortals, if they work for the general benefit, have their neighbor in mind—me, you, in short, a human being. But for von Koren, people are puppies and nonentities, too small to be the goal of his life. He works, he’ll go on an expedition and break his neck there, not in the name of love for his neighbor but in the name of such abstractions as mankind, future generations, an ideal race of people. He worries about the improvement of the human race, and in that respect we are merely slaves for him, cannon fodder, beasts of burden; he’d destroy some or slap them with hard labor, others he’d bind with discipline, like Arakcheev,24 make them get up and lie down to the drum, set eunuchs to protect our chastity and morality, order that anyone who steps outside the circle of our narrow, conservative morality be shot at, and all that in the name of improving the human race... But what is the human race? An illusion, a mirage... Despots have always been given to illusions. I understand him very well, brother. I appreciate him and do not deny his significance; this world stands on men like him, and if the world were placed at the disposal of us alone, with all our kindness and good intentions, we’d do with it just what the flies are doing to that painting. It’s true.’’
Laevsky sat down beside Samoilenko and said with genuine enthusiasm:
‘‘I’m an empty, worthless, fallen man! The air I breathe, this wine, love, in short, life—I’ve been buying it all up to now at the price of lies, idleness, and pusillanimity. Up to now I’ve been deceiving people and myself, I’ve suffered from it, and my sufferings have been cheap and trite. I timidly bend my neck before von Koren’s hatred, because at times I, too, hate and despise myself.’’
Laevsky again paced from corner to corner in agitation and said:
‘‘I’m glad I see my shortcomings clearly and am aware of them. That will help me to resurrect and become a different man. My dear heart, if only you knew how passionately, with what anguish, I thirst for my renewal. And I swear to you, I will be a man! I will! I don’t know whether it’s the wine speaking in me, or it’s so in reality, but it seems to me that it’s long since I’ve lived through such bright, pure moments as now with you.’’
‘‘Time to sleep, brother...’ said Samoilenko.
‘‘Yes, yes... Forgive me. I’ll go at once.’’
Laevsky fussed around the furniture and windows, looking for his cap.
‘‘Thank you ...’ he murmured, sighing. ‘‘Thank you... Gentleness and a kind word are higher than alms. You’ve revived me.’’
He found his cap, stopped, and looked guiltily at Samoilenko.
‘‘Alexander Davidych!’’ he said in a pleading voice.
‘‘What?’’
‘‘Allow me, dear heart, to spend the night with you!’’
‘‘Please do ... why not?’’
Laevsky lay down to sleep on the sofa, and for a long time went on talking with the doctor.
X
SOME THREE DAYS after the picnic, Marya Konstantinovna unexpectedly came to Nadezhda Fyodorovna and, without greeting her, without taking off her hat, seized her by both hands, pressed them to her bosom, and said in great agitation:
‘‘My dear, I’m so agitated, so shocked. Our dear, sympathetic doctor told my Nikodim Alexandrych yesterday that your husband has passed away. Tell me, dear... Tell me, is it true?’’
‘‘Yes, it’s true, he died,’’ Nadezhda Fyodorovna answered.
‘‘My dear, it’s terrible, terrible! But there’s no bad without some good. Your husband was probably a marvelous, wonderful, holy man, and such people are more needed in heaven than on earth.’’
All the little lines and points in Marya Konstantinovna’s face trembled, as if tiny needles were leaping under her skin. She smiled an almond-butter smile and said rapturously, breathlessly:
‘‘And so you’re free, my dear. Now you can hold your head high and look people boldly in the eye. From now on, God and men will bless your union with Ivan Andreich. It’s charming. I’m trembling with joy, I can’t find words. My dear, I’ll be your sponsor... Nikodim Alexandrych and I have loved you so much, you must allow us to bless your lawful, pure union. When, when are you going to be married?’’
‘‘I haven’t even thought about it,’’ said Nadezhda Fyodorovna, freeing her hands.
‘‘That’s impossible, my dear. You have thought about it, you have!’’
‘‘By God, I haven’t,’’ laughed Nadezhda Fyodorovna. ‘‘Why should we get married? I see no need for it. We’ll live as we’ve lived.’’
‘‘What are you saying!’’ Marya Konstantinovna was horrified. ‘‘For God’s sake, what are you saying!’’
‘‘If we get married, it won’t be any better. On the contrary, even worse. We’ll lose our freedom.’’
‘‘My dear! My dear, what are you saying!’’ cried Marya Konstantinovna, stepping back and clasping her hands. ‘‘You’re being extravagant! Come to your senses! Settle down!’’
‘‘What do you mean, settle down? I haven’t lived yet, and you tell me to settle down!’’
Nadezhda Fyodorovna remembered that indeed she had not lived yet. She had finished the girls’ institute and married a man she did not love, then she had taken up with Laevsky and had been living with him the whole time on that dull, deserted coast in expectation of something better. Was that life?
‘‘Yet it would be proper to get married ...’ she thought but, remembering Kirilin and Atchmianov, blushed and said:
