that as they focused on his penis.
I had changed the diapers of my nephews, so I had seen one before. But what was in the picture looked nothing like the innocent looking rolls of pink flesh my nephews had. This one was hard and sticking straight up, impossibly long with a swollen head on the end. Large hairy testicles lay below it, and the man’s hand was wrapped around the shaft, which was so thick his fingers didn’t go all the way around.
I snapped the book shut and looked around with wild eyes, hoping a teacher hadn’t seen me. The guy’s table erupted into roaring laughter as I stared at them in shock, my brain refusing to function. Joey reached over to retrieve the book, and leaned into me as he did so. His mouth was close to my ear, and I heard him whisper, “If you ever want to see the real thing, come see me.” He stood and walked back to his table to the cheers of his friends.
Finally finding the ability to move, I stood and fled, leaving the rest of my uneaten lunch behind.
I hadn’t seen anything like it, before or since, until now. Shane had one just like it, only this one was in color.
Maybe I had imagined it. I had transferred that long ago memory to the screen in front of me. Yeah, that was probably it.
I opened my eyes and the shock returned. Not only had I seen what I thought I had seen, by now my Mom’s hand was wrapped around it, moving up and down in a slow pumping motion.
I wanted to close my eyes and shut myself off from this, but I couldn’t. I was like a deer in the headlights, and the truck was bearing down on me.
I realized why I couldn’t look away. This penis may have been like the one in the photo, but it had my mother’s hand around it. And if her hand was around it, that meant it was safe.
I watched curiously as she continued to stroke him, their mouths locked together in an intimate kiss. He seemed to be enjoying it as much as she had enjoyed his hand on her. And they were kissing and smiling.
This was different than what I thought sex would be. I had thought it would be a serious thing, something you put up with because you wanted a baby. But here were Mom and Shane having fun doing it, being playful with each other like they were other times, like when they played in the pool, and he tried to dunk her, and she was giggling and splashing him in the face. My curiosity increased as I realized there was more to this sex thing than I’d thought.
I was starting to get used to my mom’s hand on Shane’s stiff penis, when she shifted her body down and kissed it, then took it into her mouth.
My jaw dropped again, my brain refusing to believe my eyes. That was disgusting! Licking him where he peed from? Yuck!
But as I watched, her head began to move, so that his penis slid in and out of her, and she got a look on her face like she was enjoying it. As a matter of fact, her face looked a lot like the times when she would get out my baby pictures and stare at them, smiling and getting all teary eyed before she took me in her arms and hugged me.
My mind was reeling. My mother was licking Shane where he peed, and she was enjoying it!
And so was he. Very much. He was lying back on the pillow with his eyes closed and a look of contentment on his face, making pleasant sighing sounds as his body twitched.
But even though I could see how much my mom enjoyed doing this, I knew I never could. I tried to imagine myself leaning over and taking Mark’s penis into my mouth, and I giggled from the thought. Nope, not going to happen.
Ever.
And I lived up to that promise, until I was sixteen and in the backseat of Joey Fatone’s Camaro parked out by the reservoir. It was then I finally understood my Mom’s blissful expression from the video.
I gave Joey a lot more than a blowjob that summer, and as I lay in his back seat crying out my pleasure from the exquisite feeling of having my first orgasm with my pussy stuffed full of cock, I knew how my mother felt later in the video, when she did the same as Shane fucked her.
Watching that video changed how I looked at Shane from then on. He was still the same nice guy, but he was also a man, with desires and needs. And I had witnessed how his desire for my mother was intertwined with his love for her. And I finally understood what sex was about.
When Mom died, we were both inconsolable with grief. I was fourteen, which is a rough age anyway for a teenage girl. I shut down and stayed in my room, and Shane, grieving also, allowed me the space I needed. We were separate during that time, but it was a separation with understanding, and we both knew we would find each other again.
It was to his credit that he stuck around. He could have left me to be raised by one of my aunts, but he fought to keep me, and I was happy he did. On the day he was legally granted guardianship, we went out to dinner to celebrate.
It was at the end of our grieving period when I had my revelation. It occurred to me that I was my mother’s daughter, and I was created to eventually take her place in this world. That eventuality had come sooner than anyone expected, but it was still my role to play.
I had to take my mother’s place, and that included the role she served with Shane. I didn’t consider sex part of the deal, at least at first. I just wanted to be there for him, making his meals, cleaning his house, doing his laundry, being there when he needed to talk. All those things my mom used to do for him.
And I did. I moved into her role and became the woman of the house. When Shane came home from work, it would be me he would talk to, telling me about his day. When he finished building a birdhouse, it was me he proudly brought outside and showed it off to. It was me he held and cried with when his sadness about mom overwhelmed him.
It was during these times when thoughts about sex would come. I was being everything else to him, why couldn’t I be that too? When he held me in his arms and cried, I wanted so badly for him to pick me up and carry me to his bed, and allow me to take away his pain. Allow me to perform that one last role that I hadn’t done yet.
But I knew it couldn’t happen. I was enough of a realist to understand the rules of society. We would never be allowed to be together. And worse, I was afraid how he would look at me if I ever asked. He would hate me for even suggesting such a perversion. We could never make love. Never.
So, my mind gave up on that obsession, but I still had needs, and I turned to Joey. His offer to ‘come and see him’ stuck with me all those years, and I did just that. He was more than willing to take my virginity, and teach me the pleasures of my body.
Shane wasn’t happy about Joey, but he recognized that I was mature for my age. He talked to me about birth control, and impressed upon me how important it was.
I never loved Joey, and didn’t expect him to be exclusive to me, which he wasn’t. But he served a purpose for me when I needed it. Which was sex.
And not just sex, but sex as a replacement for sex with Shane. I would cook Shane’s dinner, welcome him home, listen to his problems, feed him, and then tell him about my day. Everything a wife would do. But in a normal marriage, the couple would then go upstairs and make love, the physical pleasure they shared sealing the bond between them.
But instead of being carried upstairs by Shane, I went out with Joey and fucked him. When Joey came in the back of my throat, I imagined myself in Shane’s bed, taking his seed into my mouth. When Joey pressed his big cock into my pussy, I held my legs wide, opening myself to Shane’s invasion.
When Joey went off to college, I dated various guys, looking for his replacement. Someone who would give me sex when I wanted it, and not demand anything more. I thought it would be easy, but despite guys’ claims about wanting women just for sex, when it came down to it, their pride couldn’t accept the fact that their cock was all I wanted from them.
Looking back, I know it was fucked up. And I wondered to myself, how was this any better than actually sleeping with Shane? At least then I wouldn’t be out fucking strange guys.
So by the time I went off to college, I was ready to give up on my obsession. It could never happen, so why torment myself?
