The Cold Smell Of Sacred Stone

those who need it and who will allow Garth to help them. Is Garth doing wrong?'

'No, Garth,' I said quietly, 'you're not doing anything wrong. As a matter of fact, you're doing an enormous amount of good, and I'm terribly proud of you.'

'Are the people working with Garth doing wrong?'

'Not intentionally. But I think they may be harming you, even if they don't mean to.'

'No one is harming Garth, Mongo.'

'What do Braxton and Carling say when you tell them you're not the Messiah?'

'They don't believe Garth.' My brother paused, smiled wryly. 'Siegmund Loge would have found all of this very amusing, wouldn't he? He'd have laughed and said, 'I told you so.' '

The words momentarily stunned and disoriented me. 'Jesus, Garth,' I finally managed to say. 'You understand that?'

'Of course Garth understands that. Loge may have been mad as a hatter-like you think I am-but he understood exactly what he was doing when he manipulated all those people.'

'Aren't you manipulating people?'

'Garth is manipulating no one. All of the people who work with Garth are volunteers. They came here of their own accord, and they can leave any time they like. It makes no difference to Garth what they do. These people aren't anything like the Children of Father.'

'Aren't they? One of the things Loge was demonstrating was how easy it is to manipulate people who want or need something supernatural, occult, to believe in. They're always looking for humans to set up as gods to replace the heavenly gods who are never around when you really need them. Loge maintained that this flaw existed on a very deep, genetic level, and he predicted that it would be the ultimate cause of our extinction. How nice your followers are isn't the point; they're exactly like the Children of Father.'

'Garth does not set himself up as a god.'

'But others are-just as Loge predicted would always happen.'

'Garth can only be responsible for his own actions. Do you disagree?'

'No, Garth; you know I don't disagree with that.'

'Then where do you find fault with me?'

'I'm not finding fault with you. I'm just worried that you've become a part of something that can eventually prove very dangerous and destructive. I can't tell you how it's going to become dangerous and destructive, because it's just a feeling I have. But history is on my side.'

'Garth will never be a part of anything that is dangerous and destructive.'

'I'm talking about the whole movement that has grown up around you.'

'Garth is not part of any movement. Garth goes where he must go, and does what he must do. He will not allow what others think or believe to stop him from doing the things that must be done.'

'Garth, what do you say to all those people out on the streets?'

'Why don't you come out with Garth sometime and find out for yourself?'

'Maybe I will,' I said, knowing I wouldn't. I wanted nothing to do with Garth's People.

'Garth tells them that their confusion is his; their pain is his pain, as is their cold and hunger. Garth tells them about his experiences with Siegmund Loge, and Valhalla. Garth asks them to help ease his pain; he says that the way they can help him is to allow themselves to be helped, and then perhaps go out and help others. To a woman who keeps all her belongings in a bag, Garth says that he knows what it is like to have virtually nothing, and not have anyone to share even that with. Garth tells them how he hurts, and then begs them to come with him to seek food, clothing, shelter, and comfort. Some do. They know Garth is telling the truth.'

'That's nice, Garth,' I said quietly, meaning it.

Garth shrugged, smiled thinly. 'Garth also cries a lot when he's on the streets. That seems to mean a lot to the people Garth must help. Garth can't help crying, because he has been broken. He really does feel their cold, hunger, and loneliness. It's what. . Garth feels most of the time.'

'I know.'

'All this pain is in the place where Garth's I used to be.'

'I know.'

'And so what Garth does now is really very selfish; he's simply trying to ease his own suffering. That suffering doesn't allow him much time to think of anything else. Now can you understand, Mongo?'

'I'm not sure.'

'Is Garth wrong to try to stop his own hurt by stopping the hurt of others?'

'No.'

'Forgive Garth, Mongo, for the hurt he's caused you, Mom, and Dad. Garth didn't mean to be hurtful. All of the suffering that he sees and feels is much more. . immediate.'

Now the tears in my eyes spilled over my lids and rolled down my cheeks. 'I don't want you to hurt, Garth. That's why I want you to stop all this, come back to the clinic and let the people there help you to get better.'

'Can the people at the clinic make Garth's pain go away, Mongo?'

'I. . don't know. I don't think anybody can promise that.'

'Then Garth must continue to do what he can to help himself.'

'There are dangerous people around you, Garth. They could bring harm to you, or to others.'

'Who?'

'Marl Braxton, for one.'

Garth shook his head. 'Marl isn't dangerous any longer. If you knew what he'd been through, if you'd met his maid of constant sorrows, you'd understand why he behaved the way he did in the past. All he needed was for someone to understand, and truly feel, all that he felt.'

'Have you met Marl's maid of constant sorrows, Garth?' I asked in what I hoped was a neutral tone of voice.

Garth did not reply, and I pressed.

'Who is she, Garth? What is she?'

'Garth can't tell you,' my brother replied simply. 'He doesn't have the right.'

One last try.

'Garth, you haven't done anything wrong or hurtful. But, in the end, I believe that great harm can come from this thing that's growing up around you. This is definitely a religious movement, whether you want it to be or not, and it's centered on you. Religious movements, whether they're centuries old or only months, always end up at some time or another with blood and destruction as fertilizer as the people in them try to make them grow even more, and faster. People are nailed to crosses, wars are launched in the name of holiness, bodies are broken, women's breasts are cut off and their babies' brains bashed out, kids are pushed down elevator shafts, rattlesnakes end up in dissenters' mailboxes. The souls of whole nations can be swallowed up. The religious impulse is an insane one, Garth, and it's probably at the core of all the rest of humankind's insanities-a lesson driven home to our hearts by Siegmund Loge.'

'Garth agrees with everything you say, Mongo. Siegmund Loge taught us both the same lesson.'

'Then come home with me, Garth. First, we'll have ourselves a good, stiff drink, and then I'll drive you back up to the clinic.'

'Garth isn't a part of any religious movement. He doesn't lead, and he doesn't ask anyone to follow. He wants only to help people who need it.'

'The movement exists, Garth. If it ends up smelling of death and mental slavery, I don't want any of that smell rubbing off on you.'

Suddenly, Garth's eyes filled with tears. 'Have you smelled what's out on the streets, Mongo? That's where the death, destruction, and mental slavery exists, and that's where my battle must be fought.'

I sighed heavily, bowed my head. I tried to think of something else to say, but couldn't think of anything. It was time for me to leave. Again, I wanted to hug my brother-but that gesture was still beyond the wall, beyond me. I stepped forward and held out my hand; Garth gripped it.

'Good luck to you, Garth.'