Veil

'You don't want me to put this in the computer?'

'Not yet . . . not until I say so. In fact, I don't even want a transcript made. Squirrel the tape away someplace safe.'

'I don't understand what you're doing, Jonathan.'

'I want to go on record, Sharon, but I'm not quite ready to go public. This way, if anything happens to me, you'll at least have the history of one more Lazarus Person to work with. Just go ahead and use the questions on the standard questionnaire; that will make it easier to transcribe and punch into the computer when the time comes.'

'Why now, Jonathan? Is something the matter?'

'Nothing's the matter.'

'You sound so tired.'

'I am tired. I don't mind admitting it.'

'Do you want me to get something for you from the pharmacy?'

'No. That stuff screws up my head, and I need all my wits about me for the next few weeks. I have someone coming in who may need a bit of handling. He doesn't know it, but he could make an incredibly important contribution to our understanding of the phenomena associated with the Lazarus Syndrome. I believe he represents a link we've never seen before.'

'Then he's coming here to the hospice?'

'No. He'll be with me on the other mountain.'

'Why?'

'Because I don't want him to know what I'm doing; at least not right away.'

'Who is it?'

'I don't want to identify him to you, Sharon. If things work out, you'll understand why.'

'I think I already know why. You don't want me to have any preconceptions if and when I do meet him.'

'That's part of it. The fact of the matter is that I don't know all that much about him myself. Henry's out in the field now doing a work-up on his background.'

'Jonathan, you're not thinking of . . . going away, are you?'

Sharon's tone had become anxious, and it was some time before Pilgrim answered.

'No. Not yet. Please ask the questions, Sharon.'

'Jonathan, I don't know where to begin with you. My God, you are the Lazarus Project, and I know you have things to say that you've never even told me. How can I use the standard questionnaire?'

'This is just for the computer model. I'm writing up my own anecdotal report; in fact, I've been working on it for some time. It's kept in a place where you'll easily find it if anything happens to me.'

'Jonathan—?'

'Come on, Sharon, let's get to it.'

Sharon sighed, and there was the sound of papers being shuffled.

'Name?'

'Pilgrim, Jonathan James.'

'Age?'

'Forty-eight.'

'Citizenship?'

'American.'

'Place of birth?'

'Boston, Massachusetts.'

'Parents living?'

'Yes.'

'Siblings?'

'One sister, living.'

'Education?'

'Undergraduate work at Syracuse, graduate work at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. I have a doctorate in mechanical engineering.' 'Profession?'

'United States Air Force, retired. I'm currently the Director of the Institute for Human Studies.' 'Religion?' 'None.'

'Do you believe in a personal god at this time?' 'No.'

'Did you ever believe in a personal god?'

'As a child, perhaps, but not since my early teens.'

'Do you believe in an afterlife at this time?'

'Skip this part, Sharon.'

'Jonathan?'

'Please, Sharon. I have my reasons. Anything we don't deal with here will be in my report.' 'Is your family religious?'

'My parents are lifelong Presbyterians. My sister recently converted to Baha'i.'

'Did you have a religious upbringing?' 'My parents took me to church every Sunday when I was a child, but I can't say it ever had any real effect. I just never took much interest in religious matters.'

'You've suffered what is known as 'clinical death'?' 'Yes.'

'How long were you in this state?'

'I don't know. I was pronounced DO A at the base hospital, but they revived me in the emergency room about three minutes after I wheeled in. I have no way of knowing how long I was dead before I got to the emergency room.'

'What were the circumstances of your death?'

'Plane crash.'

'Did you have what you would describe as an 'out-of-body experience'?'

'Yes.'

'When were you first aware that you were outside your body?'

'Just before I got to the hospital.'

'What were your surroundings?'

'The ambulance was just pulling into the driveway outside the emergency room entrance. I was floating along outside the ambulance, looking in at my body through one of the windows. I was a mess; somehow I knew I was dead.'

'You didn't find this a contradiction?'

'No—not at the time. Now I do.'

'What was your first reaction?'

'My first reaction was, 'Oh, shit.''

Both Sharon and Pilgrim laughed.

'You said this aloud?'

'I thought it.'

'Were you angry? Afraid?'

'None of those things. It was just 'Oh, shit.''

'Did you feel any other presence with you?'

'No. I was alone.'

'Were you lonely?'

'No, just alone. I felt no real emotion in that state.'

'Were you in physical pain?'

'Quite the contrary. I felt great. There was a distinct feeling of sensual physical pleasure. If I had to describe it in words, I'd say it was like the feeling you get after a heavy workout and a shower, or after you'd made love. It was also like being in love with someone in whom you place total confidence and trust. In fact, I remember thinking: 'Death is Love.''

'That's fascinating, Jonathan. You've never talked about this before. All of the Lazarus People use almost