Veil

When he arrives back at his apartment, he sits down on the splintered floor and immediately begins to work. He has no skills, no idea of the proper way to use the materials he has purchased. Frustration builds as he struggles to capture on paper the essence of what he has witnessed in sleep; he experiences anger at his clumsiness, but also feels a kind of ecstasy that takes him out of himself, beyond his distress. He works through the night and by dawn has used up all his paper.

He sleeps during the day, missing work. For the first time in many weeks he does not dream. He is awakened by a late-afternoon thunderstorm that cools the air and flushes the streets of both city and mind. A cool breeze wafts through Veil's tiny apartment as he rises and dresses. He thinks about going out to buy something to eat, but discovers that he is not hungry.

Slowly, he leafs through the drawings and paintings he has made the night before. He finds them dismayingly crude, not even an approximation of the path, walls, and horizon he has witnessed.

And so he begins again.

He does not have money to buy more paper, and so he uses the backs of the sheets he has already drawn and painted on. Completely absorbed in his task, it is not until many hours later, when he has exhausted his supplies, that Veil realizes he is actually relaxed, even happy. He is still dismayed by the inadequacy of his representations, but he is equally awed by the psychic comfort he has acquired merely through the process of struggling with his visions. This is a different kind of combat, he thinks, combat in which winning the war is not as important as waging it; it is a bloodless battle that keeps the enemies in the self at bay, and now he dares to hope that he has found a way to fight for his sanity, and perhaps even his life.

If Madison wants him dead, then Madison is going to have to kill him.

Veil showers, shaves, and dresses. He has decided that he will look for work in the village. He may even ask the owner of the art supply shop for a job, or see if, in exchange for materials and lessons on how to use them, there might not be some service he can perform.

Chapter 19

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The nerve cells in his body reacted to the icy water that splashed over him, shocking him awake, like the flame of a blowtorch. Veil's head snapped back and slammed against the bars of his cage, and he barely managed to choke off a scream as his back arched and the muscles of his burned, feverish body objected to this insult by twitching and knotting in torturous spasms. The moment he could control any movement at all, he was licking like an animal at the droplets of water on his shoulders, arms, and the backs of his hands.

'You ready to talk to me, Kendry?'

Veil raised his head and squinted up into the sun. Parker was leaning on the top of the cage, looming over him. Veil opened his mouth to speak, but only gagging sounds would issue from his dry throat and past his swollen tongue. A long-handled ladle suddenly came out of the sun and appeared in his field of vision. Veil grabbed for it, spilling half its contents onto the ground. He gripped the bowl with both hands and drank what was left; the ladle was pulled away as he sucked air. To his surprise, another ladle was offered. He drank until the bowl was empty, sighed, and rested his head against the bars. 'Thank you,' he managed to say.

'Don't thank me,' Parker replied curtly. 'You know it's still just part of the routine. I gave you just enough water to get your head straight and your vocal cords working. There's no need for you to suffer like this, and frankly, I don't much enjoy watching it. You may be in the cage, but you're the one with the key in your hand. You can open it anytime you want to. Do I have to remind you that any man can be broken?'

'You won't listen to me.'

'I wouldn't listen to you before because you were getting ready to throw some bullshit in my direction. I may listen to you now. We'll see what your opening notes sound like. Tell me the truth and I'll give you all the water you want. You'll get food and medical attention. You'll get your clothes back, and you'll get out of that cage so you don't have to cook all day and freeze all night. If you don't tell me the truth, you're going to die right there on the ground. I swear it, Kendry. Dying of thirst isn't chicken soup, but you'll be doing it to yourself. From the looks of you, I'd say you have another night and day left in you. But you won't let it go to the end. No man could. You'll talk finally, so why not do it now and save both of us all this bother?'

Veil breathed deeply, dropped his chin on his chest, and tried to focus his thoughts through a mental haze of fever. 'I tried to tell you the truth yesterday. You just walked away.'

'Oh, shit, Kendry, are you going to—?'

'Listen to me, Parker!' Veil croaked. He swallowed hard and managed to work up some moisture in his mouth. He licked the roof of his mouth. The small amount of saliva disappeared like water into sand, but he was able to talk without each word ripping his throat. 'I wish to God I could make up some story about working for the KGB, because that's all you seem to want to hear. But I can't; I just don't know that much about today's KGB. If I tried making up something, you'd know for sure I was lying, and I'd be in even worse shape than I am now, if that's possible. I haven't done any intelligence work since the early seventies.'

Veil held his breath, half expecting to hear Parker walking away. But Parker stayed where he was.

'Tell me about your experiences with intelligence,' the Army officer said quietly.

'I worked for the CIA.'

'Wrong,' Parker said disdainfully. 'We've checked you out.'

'My records have been doctored.'

'I know that. The fact of the matter is that you were a turncoat. You went over. There's still some mystery as to how you got off so easily, and who was protecting you. I'm sure you'll clear up that little mystery for me during the course of this conversation. Like now.'

'What you think I was or did isn't the point, Park—' Veil swallowed again, but he had no saliva left. His throat felt as if it were swelling shut, and he dropped his voice to a hoarse whisper. 'What's important is that I did work for the Agency. They disapproved of something I did. I was put on a heavy shit list under sentence of being executed at some time in the indefinite future. End of story—except that's the reason I had to come back to the Institute after I'd killed your man.'

'Then you admit that you killed him?'

'For Christ's sake, Parker. You know I did.'

'Don't be a smart-ass, Kendry. If I remember correctly, you claimed at the time that it was a freak accident. I just wanted to set the record straight. You're the one who's going to die if I don't get the right answers, not me. So just answer my questions. Why come back after it looked like you were home free?'

'I need water,' Veil said in a barely audible whisper. 'Can't . . . talk.'

Parker thought about it, then filled the ladle from a bucket at his feet and passed it down through the bars. Veil had to suppress tremors in his throat as he drank.

'More,' Veil whispered. 'Please.'

'Earn it. What were you after?'

'Information; reasons. At first I thought the man might be a CIA agent sent to carry out my sentence. Then I realized it didn't make sense for the Agency to pick tight quarters like the Institute to kill me when they had all the time in the world and all of New York City to work in. It meant he was a double—'

'Bullshit.'

'—sent by his controller to kill me. Somebody who knew my background made me and assumed— mistakenly—that I was here on assignment to flush out their organization. You've got guys with black hats in here, Parker. You've been infiltrated.'

'I'm really sorry I gave you that water, jerk,' Parker said with genuine disgust. 'You're not as thirsty as I thought you were. It's a mistake I won't repeat. You really are a glutton for punishment.'

'What I'm telling you is the truth,' Veil said quickly, as Parker started to walk away. 'It has to be. I came back to look for proof. Why is my story so goddam difficult for you to even consider?'

Parker suddenly wheeled and kicked savagely at the bars beside Veil's head. 'Because we have proof that you're a Russian agent, jerk!' he shouted with unexpected and explosive rage. 'They recruited you after you were booted out of the Army. You think I'm crazy? You think I'd make any man suffer what you're suffering without absolute proof that he was a dangerous enemy with secrets that threaten the security