'It is a great cause,' said Lady Matilda. She sighed and murmured, 'The Young Siegfried'.'
'I hope you enjoyed meeting your old friend,' said Amy as they drove back to the Gasthaus.
'If you could have heard all the nonsense I talked, you wouldn't believe it,' said Lady Matilda Cleckheaton.
Chapter 16
PIKEAWAY TALKS
'The news from France is very bad,' said Colonel Pikeaway, brushing a cloud of cigar ash off his coat. 'I heard Winston Churchill say that in the last war. There was a man who could speak in plain words and no more than needed. It was very impressive. It told us what we needed to know. Well, it's a long time since then, but I say it again today. The news from France is very bad.'
He coughed, wheezed and brushed a little more ash off himself.
'The news from Italy is very bad,' he said. 'The news from Russia , I imagine, could be very bad if they let much out about it. They've got trouble there too. Marching bands of students in the street, shop windows smashed. Embassies attacked. News from Egypt is very bad. News from Jerusalem is very bad. News from Syria is very bad. That's all more or less normal, so we needn't worry too much. News from Argentine is what I'd call peculiar. Very peculiar indeed. Argentine , Brazil , Cuba , they've all got together. Call themselves the Golden Youth Federated States , or something like that. It's got an army, too. Properly drilled, properly armed, properly commanded. They've got planes, they've got bombs, they've got God-knows-what. And most of them seem to know what to do with them, which makes it worse. There's a singing crowd as well, apparently. Pop songs, old local folk songs, and bygone battle hymns. They go along rather like the Salvation Army used to do — no blasphemy intended — I'm not crabbing the Salvation Army. Jolly good work they did always. And the girls — pretty as Punch in then bonnets.'
He went on:
'I've heard that something's going on in that line in the civilized countries, starting with us. Some of us can be called civilized still, I suppose? One of our politicians the other day, I remember, said we were a splendid nation, chiefly because we were permissive, we had demonstrations, we smashed things, we beat up anyone if we hadn't anything better to do, we got rid of our high spirits by showing violence, and our moral purity by taking most of our clothes off. I don't know what he thought he was talking about — politicians seldom do — but they can make it sound all right. That's why they are politicians.'
He paused and looked across at the man he was talking to.
'Distressing — sadly distressing,' said Sir George Packham. 'One can hardly believe — one worries — if one could only — Is that all the news you've got?' he asked plaintively
'Isn't it enough? You're hard to satisfy. World end well on its way — that's what we've got. A bit wobbly, not fully established yet, but very near to it — very near indeed.'
'But action can surely be taken against all this?'
'Not so easy as you think. Tear gas puts a stop to things for a while and gives the police a break. And naturally we've got plenty of germ warfare and nuclear bombs and all the other pretty bags of tricks — What do you think would happen if we started using those? Mass massacre of all the marching girls and boys, and the housewife's shopping circle, and the old age pensioners at home, and a good quota of our pompous politicians as they tell us we've never had it so good, and in addition you and me — Ha, ha!
'And anyway,' added Colonel Pikeaway, 'if it's only news you're after, I understand you've got some hot news of your own arriving today. Top secret from Germany , Herr Heinrich Spiess himself.'
'How on earth did you hear that? It's supposed to be strictly –'
'We know everything here,' said Colonel Pikeaway, using his pet phrase — 'that's what we're for.'
'Bringing some tame doctor, too, I understand –' he added.
'Yes, a Dr Reichardt, a top scientist, I presume –'
'No. Medical doctor — Loony-bins –'
'Oh dear — a psychologist?'
'Probably. The ones that run loony-bins are mostly that. With any luck he'll have been brought over so that he can examine the heads of some of our young firebrands. Stuffed full they are of German philosophy, Black Power philosophy, dead French writers' philosophy, and so on and so forth. Possibly they'll let him examine some of the heads of our legal lights who preside over our judicial courts here saying we must be very careful not to do anything to damage a young man's ego because he might have to earn his living. We'd be a lot safer if they sent them all round to get plenty of National Assistance to live on and then they could go back to their rooms, not do any work, and enjoy themselves reading more philosophy. However, I'm out of date. I know that. You needn't tell me so.'
'One has to take into account the new modes of thought,' said Sir George Packham. 'One feels, I mean one hopes — well it's difficult to say –'
'Must be very worrying for you,' said Colonel Pikeaway. 'Finding things so difficult to say.'
His telephone rang. He listened, then handed it to Sir George.
'Yes?' said Sir George. 'Yes? Oh yes. Yes. I agree. I suppose — No — no — not the Home Office. No. Privately, you mean. Well, I suppose we'd better use — er –' Sir George looked round him cautiously.
'This place isn't bugged,' said Colonel Pikeaway amiably.
'Code word Blue Danube,' said Sir George Packham in a loud, hoarse whisper. 'Yes, yes. I'll bring Pikeaway along with me. Oh yes, of course. Yes, yes. Get on to him. Yes, say you particularly want him to come, but to remember our meeting has got to be strictly private.'
'We can't take my car then,' said Pikeaway. 'It's too well known.'
'Henry Horsham's coming to fetch us in the Volkswagen.'
'Fine,' said Colonel Pikeaway. 'Interesting, you know, all this.'
'You don't think –' said Sir George and hesitated.
'I don't think what?'
'I mean just really — well, I — mean, if you wouldn't mind my suggesting — a clothes brush?'
'Oh, this.' Colonel Pikeaway hit himself lightly on the shoulder and a cloud of cigar ash flew up and made Sir George choke.
'Nanny,' Colonel Pikeaway shouted. He banged a buzzer on his desk.
A middle-aged woman came in with a clothes brush, appearing with the suddenness of a genie summoned by Aladdin's lamp.
'Hold your breath, please. Sir George,' she said. 'This may be a little pungent.'
She held the door open for him and he retired outside while she brushed Colonel Pikeaway, who coughed and complained:
'Damned nuisance these people are. Always wanting you to get fixed up like a barber's dummy.'
'I should not describe your appearance as quite like that, Colonel Pikeaway. You ought to be used to my cleaning you up nowadays. And you know the Home Secretary suffers from asthma.'
'Well, that's his fault. Not taking proper care to have pollution removed from the streets of London .
'Come on. Sir George, let's hear what our German friend has come over to say. Sounds as though it's a matter of some urgency.'
Chapter 17
HERR HEINRICH SPIESS
Herr Heinrich Spiess was a worried man. He did not seek to conceal the fact. He acknowledged, indeed, without concealment, that the situation which these five men had come together to discuss was a serious situation. At the same time, he brought with him that sense of reassurance which had been his principal asset in dealing with
