her expression when she turned on the news and saw a photo of her son plastered on the screen with a face beaten purple by a bunch of terrorists. And you weren’t the one who sat with Dad after he came out of cancer surgery.”
“I got him the best care and doctors possible.”
“Writing a check isn’t the same as being there.”
I tried to speak, but Ethan evoked his big-brother rights and talked over me, “And you weren’t the one who had to talk Noah down off Samerauk Bridge last year. He was going to kill himself. But did you care? You took us to France, so I guess everything is fine.”
I knew Noah was in a bad place, but the depths shocked me.
“Because you weren’t here!”
“I’m not the first child to move away from the nest.”
He shook his head like I just wasn’t getting it.
“Proximity has nothing to do with it. Just because you take off to God-knows-where doesn’t stop Mom and Dad from thinking about you … worrying about you … contacting you. Their love for you is unconditional. Sometimes I wonder if it works both ways.”
“That’s not fair.”
“You want to talk about fair? Dad gave his heart and soul to this town, and when it came time to dedicate a field, who does the school board vote to name it after?”
I knew where this was headed, but I let him continue venting, “That’s right, they named it after JP Warner, a man whose main contribution was getting the hell out as fast as he could and never looking back. You didn’t even show up for the ceremony.”
“Stop playing this off on Dad,” I shot back, angrily. “This is about you and your fragile ego. You chose a life, just like I chose a life, but the only difference is I don’t need an award for it.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
We were now face-to-face, a crowd had gathered around us like when a fight was about to break out in junior high. We had become the most popular exhibit.
“Maybe you can get a Mr. Perfect award. The perfect life with the perfect wife. The perfect family man who always does the perfect thing with his perfect kids. When you receive that honor, I promise I’ll show up!”
I was getting close to adding missing teeth to my medical resume.
“Why don’t you go do your usual leaving act, JP? It’s going to happen sooner or later, anyway. There will never be enough attention and spotlight here for you.”
“You better get used to me, big brother, because I’m going to be here for a long, long time.”
As if she sensed a calamity about to happen, Pam returned with the children. She was a lot like a UN peacekeeping force-good intentions, but not enough firepower to stop anything significant from happening. She hugged me-I was unable to determine if it was a warm greeting, or she was trying to protect me-and then after we traded a couple pleasantries, she invited me to a barbecue at their house on Labor Day.
Ethan turned and began walking away in a huff.
I stood awkwardly with Pam and the children. We made small talk about the weather, and I discussed the impending return to school with my nieces and nephew. Acting as if what just happened didn’t happen, seemed like the best way to proceed.
Finally, Pam broke the delusion, “JP, you just have to understand that Ethan puts in all the blood and guts around here. He’s done all the dirty work with your mom and dad, and Noah is no picnic, either. Then you walk in like the prodigal son and he gets shoved to the side like yesterday’s news. Can you blame him for being a little hurt? He’s only human.”
I nodded.
“He really is glad to see you. Just give him some time, okay?” she asked with an encouraging smile.
“I will.”
“Are you really planning on sticking around?”
Our shouting must have been heard all the way to the ice cream stand. Which meant everybody within shouting distance heard my claim to drop anchor in Rockfield. I doubt anyone believed it.
“Why is that so hard for people to believe?”
Pam shrugged, while simultaneously pulling a cloth from her purse and wiping spilled ice cream off the shirt of her youngest son, Eli. “I guess it’s hard to believe someone would want to drive a minivan after driving a Jaguar.”
“Problem with Jaguars is that they’re always in the shop.”
Pam smiled, but talk of my physical condition made me think of Byron, so I changed the subject, “That was a great game last night, huh?”
Pam looked off into the distance. “There’s one of the coaches-why don’t you ask him about it?”
Chapter 26
I stared at Noah, who was in many ways a spitting image of myself. He just dressed a lot different with his ever-present denim jacket, black boots, and cigarette hanging from his lips. He reminded me of the young Serbs partying on the river.
We made eye contact at long distance, and then he began heading right toward me in a slow jog.
“Dad tells me he’s been working two jobs, besides volunteering as a coach, and he’s even going back to school,” I said to Pam.
“He’s made great strides. I worry about him though, especially on
“This day?”
“Today is the anniversary of Lisa’s … well, you know…”
I stared out at my brother as he approached. “Ethan was right … I should have been here.”
Noah arrived with a bear hug for me that sent pain through my broken body. He had a cheek kiss for Pam, and smiles for the children, who declared their love for Uncle Noah, but took issue with the cigarette smell.
Pam excused herself to find Ethan, but first invited Noah to their Labor Day barbecue on Monday.
“I wouldn’t miss it, sis,” he said with a smile.
It was good to see him smile, especially now knowing what today signified.
“You look a mess,” he addressed me.
“You should see the other guy.”
“I did … every night on the news, claiming he was gonna kill my big brother if their demands weren’t met.”
“And he would have, but then he found out how happy everyone would be if he got rid of me.”
Noah laughed, before embracing again. This was a much more affectionate Noah than the one I remembered from before the accident.
Our reunion wasn’t like old times. Old times, frankly, weren’t that memorable in our relationship. We didn’t fight like he and Ethan did-we always got along-the problem was that we rarely spent time together. I went off to college when Noah was just in first grade. Maybe because of the wide age gap, he always seemed to be trying to find his identity. I had regrets about not being there for him in the way that Ethan was there to steer me in the right direction, or at least attempt to. Maybe that’s why he gripped so tightly to Lisa.
So it was like new times. Times I looked forward to.
We remained standing in the middle of the fairgrounds, rehashing last night’s game, and getting me caught up on all the hot-button topics in Rockfield. He also received the first, in what I figured would be many “smoking is bad for you” lectures.
The most interesting part of the conversation was Noah’s career plans. As far as I knew, he never had any before. Lisa was his career. He had returned to school to become a guidance counselor. He wanted to help kids so that they, to use his words, “Don’t mess up their lives the way I did.”
What we didn’t talk about was the accident.
