Despite his misgivings, Josse saw that it was true. ‘Shall I come and see you tomorrow?’ he suggested. He very much wanted to tell the boy about his little half-sister.
‘No, I’ll come to you,’ Ninian replied. ‘I’ll wait behind the big oak where I put the statue.’
‘Very well. Until tomorrow, then.’ And with a cheerful wave, he turned and paced away.
Helewise had been summoned to the infirmary, where Piers was anxiously asking to speak to Josse. ‘He is not here just now,’ she said to the sick man, standing by his bed and taking his hot hand in hers. ‘Can I help?’
‘Oh, my dear lady, I would speak of matters not fit for your ears!’ Piers protested.
‘You refer to the activities that went on in the tower on the Ile d’Oleron?’ she asked softly.
His face, already flushed with fever, burned a deeper red. ‘I am ashamed that you should have had to hear such things,’ he muttered. ‘But no — the matter that lies so heavily on my mind is something very different.’ He paused, studying her intently. ‘My lady, I have spoken of the dark secret that the Knights of Arcturus were formed to protect.’
‘Yes,’ she agreed. She sat down on the edge of his bed, for now they both spoke very quietly.
‘It did not originate in Outremer but in Egypt, during an early age of the world when men worshipped strange deities who bore the heads of animals,’ Piers whispered. ‘There was Horus the falcon-headed, Thoth with the head of an ibis, Hathor the helper of women, in the image of the divine cow.’
The poor man must be suffering dreadfully, Helewise thought, to see such frightening, febrile visions. But she did not interrupt.
‘Above them all there were Isis and Osiris,’ Piers went on, ‘husband and wife but also twin brother and sister, who fell in love in the womb and who did not desert each other, even through death and beyond, for when Osiris was murdered and dismembered by Seth, Isis reassembled his body and by her magic restored him to life. She was the life-giver, loved and worshipped all over the old world and she-’ As if he suddenly remembered where he was and to whom he was speaking, Piers abruptly stopped and said anxiously, ‘My lady, I beg your pardon, that I speak of such things within this holy place.’
‘It’s all right,’ she said soothingly. ‘Go on.’
He was fretful now, turning his head on the pillow, and she felt his fingers grasp hers convulsively. ‘They had answered Pope Urban’s great call to arms and most of them went out to Outremer with Robert of Normandy or his cousin, the duke of Flanders.’ She realized he was now speaking of the Knights of Arcturus. ‘I don’t know which of them discovered it — their camp was some distance away from Jerusalem and it is said that a group of them came across their find by purest accident.’ He sighed heavily. ‘There were learned men among the original thirteen, men with unorthodox views, and since arriving in the East they had been distressed at the war they saw waged for a holy purpose. The world was changing and the sounds of steel clashing against steel and the screams of wounded men dying in agony drove out the quiet voice of the spirit. To find what they found was somehow meant, for it possessed within it an older, simpler power and it spoke with a voice of ancient wisdom.’ He closed his eyes. ‘Or that is what they say.’
‘So they hid their discovery,’ she said slowly, ‘and in time brought it back to the West and formed themselves into a guardian group, and the eternal task that was theirs and that of their descendants was to keep it safe.’ She thought she had a good idea what the nature of this discovery might be.
‘It began with such a pure and noble motive.’ His voice was infinitely sad. ‘But there is a seductive appeal in secrecy, is there not? The power affected the descendants of those first honourable men and, in only a hundred years, they have fallen from the heights of honour to the depths of depravity. Dear sweet Lord, no wonder my poor old uncle tried to warn me off.’ He closed his eyes, his face crumpling in distress.
‘Were they…? Is it their intention to guard this secret for ever?’ she asked.
He opened his eyes, agitated again. ‘No! They were meant to judge when the moment was right to reveal what they knew,’ he said urgently. ‘That was why Philippe had to go to Chartres — the knights had considered concealing their treasure within the new cathedral, so that the power would always be there for those who knew to go looking for it, only… only…’ A tear rolled down his cheek. She waited, and slowly he recovered his control. ‘That proposal was outvoted,’ he said flatly. ‘Instead Philippe was to take funds from the knights’ coffers and commission a special statue. He found a talented mason and gave his orders, but the mason, de Fleury, found out something — I do not know what — and tried to make Philippe pay for his silence. He might have picked up some unpleasant little details about Philippe but the poor soul did not know nearly enough; no man threatens Philippe de Loup, not if he wants to live.’
‘And so you-’ she began, but then she stopped. She thought she understood now. Many things that had deeply troubled her all at once began to clarify, and the heavy burden she had been carrying for the past two days no longer weighed her down. ‘Sir Piers?’ She spoke very gently, for she thought he had slipped into sleep.
His eyelids fluttered open. ‘My lady abbess!’ He seemed surprised to see her. ‘Did you wish to speak to me?’ His expression clouded. ‘Oh, but I have to speak to Sir Josse,’ he whispered anxiously. ‘Is he here?’
And, aching for him — he seemed to have totally forgotten their intense, disturbing conversation — she repeated what she had said a few minutes ago. ‘He is not here, I’m afraid. I will ask him to come and see you when he returns,’ she added. ‘Sleep now, Sir Piers.’ Then she got up and tiptoed out of the recess.
Helewise’s footsteps led her automatically to the church but, as its shadow fell over her, unnaturally long in the light of the setting sun, she realized that it was not where she needed to be. She muttered a quick prayer to the loving spirit whom she knew kept it in his protection. Nothing, she thought fiercely, nothing could change her love for he who gave up his life to save the world, but another voice was calling to her and it was not to be found within the abbey’s walls.
She walked out through the gates and up the grassy slope until she reached the edge of the forest. Then, taking a deep breath, she went in under the trees. She glided slowly, as if in a dream, and, as she moved beneath the leafy branches, dapples of rosy sunset light patterned her black habit.
Sunshine, shadow. Light, dark.
The play of light was hypnotic and soon she felt that she had entered a trance-like state. Her mind, which was always so busy, overflowing with all that each day demanded of her, gradually grew calm. It was, she thought, stopping to give it her full attention, like a child’s bouncing ball, which, as the initial impetus dies, bounces lower and lower until it is still.
Alone out in the quiet of the forest, Helewise stood with her eyes closed and she thought she understood. That strange moment of epiphany when she had speculated about the black statue had penetrated deep within her. Now she knew what it meant and, as realization flowered, it was as if she had always known, as if all her life there had been two Helewises. There was the one who loved the Lord and had for most of her adult life served Him within Hawkenlye Abbey — for the past fifteen years as its abbess — but there was also the Helewise in whom ran an understanding and a full acceptance that other ways also led to the divine.
With the realization came so much more and, as the tumult of thoughts exploded, she understood that the effort of suppressing them had been enormous, and that she had been making it for some time.
She sank down on to the short grass beside the track, her mind leaping back. There had been the business of the heretics and that sweet-natured woman whom Helewise ought to have denounced; she vividly recalled the night when she had kneeled before the altar, to see after hours of anguish the tender face of Christ. Aurelia — yes, the woman’s name had been Aurelia. Helewise had let her go. Then there was the abiding presence of the forest people and, indeed, dear old Sister Tiphaine, at least still half pagan. There was Joanna, whom Josse loved…
She turned her mind from that. This, she told herself firmly, is not about Josse.
She was a nun — an abbess — and it was exactly what she wanted to be, for her love of and faith in the Lord was profound and sincere. But her role meant that she must serve another master, whose nature was no longer what she had believed it to be. She was bound by that great, powerful, impersonal and increasingly furtive body, the Church, and sometimes she barely recognized this master at all.
She drew up her knees, rested her folded arms on top of them and put her head down on her crossed wrists. She closed her eyes. She sat there for a long time.
Then slowly she came back to herself, got up, stretched her stiff limbs and set out in the twilight to find Martin and tell him he could start building the chapel in the morning.
Very early the next day, Josse left Meggie in the care of Sister Tiphaine and set off for Tonbridge. He might not be able to persuade Ninian to accept a more secure lodging but at least he could make the place where the lad was a little safer. Philippe de Loup was after him and Piers — or, as Ninian had said, after the statue; well, Josse would do all that he could to stop Philippe in his tracks. Ninian had wounded him, perhaps gravely. He had not come
