She thought she'd never heard such a lonely sound.
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Iraj paced the royal chamber like a captive lion, golden hair flowing from under his crown like a mane, beard jutting forward like a lion's snout; his eyes were narrowed, lips stretched back over his teeth as if in a snarl.
Safar stood in the center of the chamber watching him pace, feeling the anger build.
'I could command it, Iraj said. I could require you to make the casting.'
'Yes, you could, Safar said.
'Would you obey?'
Safar breathed in deeply. Then let it out. No.'
'Even if the penalties were most severe?'
'Even so.'
'I could strip you of your title and fortune, Iraj said.
'I understand that.'
'I could even take your life, Iraj said. Are you so set in your refusal that you'd risk it?'
'Let me answer this way, Safar said. If you were in my boots and felt your honor was at stake, how would you answer such a threat?'
Iraj paused. I didn't threaten, he said. I was only pointing out a fact.'
'Still, Safar said, how would you answer?'
'It's not the same. I am Iraj Protarus!'
'And I am Safar Timura!'
It was not an answer sculpted to please. Iraj glared at Safar, who stood there calmly, manner mild, but will just as strong. The king broke first, spooked by the strange glow in Safar's eyes.
He resumed his pacing, saying, I'm told you think you are more popular than I am.'
Safar lifted an eyebrow. I'd brand that a lie, he said, but it's too stupid a charge to deserve the name.'
Iraj whirled. What? Now you dare to insult me?'
'I don't dare anything, Safar said. But if you believe such a claim, it's no insult, but the truth.'
Iraj's fury suddenly turned to anguish. Tears welled up. Why do you insist on defying me, Safar? he cried. We are friends. No, more than friends. More even than blood oath brothers. I swear that I love you more than my mother, more than my father, more than any son born to me.'
'I can only answer that with another question, Safar said. If you love me, why are you pressing so hard to make me violate a thing I hold most sacred?'
The anguish reverted to fury. Because I am your king! Iraj thundered. And I find it necessary to ask this of you for the greater good of Esmir!'
Safar said nothingthere was no reply to make.
Iraj's manner returned to normal. He shook his head, as if saddened. And still you refuse, he said.
'I do, Safar answered.
'What if I made this a matter of friendship? Iraj asked. You pleaded with me not to before. But we do have a blood bond between us. We swore we would give the other anything that was askedfreely and without hesitation.
'If I asked out of friendship, would you comply?'
'Whatever I did, Safar said, it'd be the end of our friendship. If I agreed, it would my last act as your friend. If I refused, you'd consider our bond broken. Either way it would be over.
'Are you willing to risk that, Iraj?'
Protarus laughed bitterly. It would be the only thing in my life I haven't risked, he said.
'Family? Hah! I killed my uncle. And slew his wives and his children too so they wouldn't sprout into enemies.
'The honor of my clan? Yes, I risked that from the very beginning. For if I had ever stumbled and fallen, the name Protarus would have been shamed for all history.
'Fortune? Bah! I am like you in that, Safar. I know I tell little lies to myself now that I am king and can have anything I want. It's habit, like drinking too deeply and too often. But I risked one fortune after another on the road to Zanzair. Every palace I looted I risked in the next toss of the dice to win another.
'Life itself? No one would deny that I've proved my willingness to cast it down as the price of a challenge. Why, I've nearly thrown it away many times just for the thrill of it.'
Safar suddenly remembered Iraj's headlong race down the Kyranian mountainside to confront the demon raiders. It seemed like such a pure act at the time. The act of a storied hero. And for what? To save a merchant's caravan? A caravan carrying not a soul Iraj knew or cared about. And there was not an innocent among themnot a babe, not a maid, mother, granny, or man who if you met them would wring pity from your heart.
Then he remembered his own mad dash in Iraj's wake. He saw it clear. Saw the snow crusted boulders leaping up in his path. Saw the demons with fangs and talons and terrible swords. Saw their steeds who fought like great cats. And he felt it. Felt the fear icing his veins. Felt the demon magic crackling with power he never knew was possible. Felt the anger when he saw Astarias being dragged through the snow by her long black tresses. Felt the cold, distant satisfaction of his first kill.
He looked at Iraj and for the first time truly understood the man he'd been following for all these years. With that knowledge came a small understanding of himself. It arrived with a pang of disappointment. Like Iraj, he'd been a creature of events. A creature who'd cried holy purpose when there was only self at heart. Made himself a man who stretched his head above others, falsely ennobled by the vision of Hadin.
For the first time since this confrontation had first roused itself, Safar wavered. What did it matter? In a world of lies, what was one more? Magic was no holy thing. He was no priest with a godly cause. He had no temple, no altar. And the gods themselves were silent on the matter. Why not do as Iraj asked and declare an Era of Great Blessings? He could say it, then work like the devils from the Hells to make it so.
Then it came to him to do otherwise might destroy the man he'd called friend. A man who had only one thing left to risk in the chest that made him humanIraj's claim of friendship with Safar.
He almost said it, almost relented, almost opened his lips to speak.
But Iraj said, And finally, there's friendship. My love for you. That I haven't risked. Am I willing? I can't say. The first question I have to ask myself before I do, is if that friendship, that love, is returned? Is it real?
'Or have you been playing me false all these years?'
'You know I haven't, Safar said.
'Do I? Iraj asked, an awful smile growing on his face. Do I now?'
'Of course, you do, Safar said. So we're arguing. We've argued before. We'll argue again. We're different men, so we hold different opinions. But they are merely differences between friends.'
'I tested you once long ago, Iraj said. If you recall, you didn't do well at that test.'
Safar shrugged. I was a boy in lust, he said. It meant nothing.'
'I also said someday I might test you again, Iraj went on. I think that day has finally come.'
'You mean the casting? Safar asked. You want me to lie to prove my friendship?'
He was about to say, very well, then, I'll do it. But Iraj shook his head, cutting him off.
'No, he said. You claim that as a matter of honor. I won't ask you to soil it. A man of equal honor would never require such a thing of his friend.'
The statement caught Safar by surprise. Was it over? Had he succeeded?
'So here is the test, Safar Timura. The man who claims to be my friend. It's a small test. One that should give you no trouble.'
'And that is? Safar asked, alarm rushing back.
'I gave you a woman once, Iraj said. A virgin I greatly desired for myself. Astarias.
'And now I ask the same of you, although she is no virgin and is therefore the lesser gift.'
