Gun Church

did. And though the TV news had remote pictures from where the body had been discovered, they had no fresh details to tell. I got out my laptop and read and reread and reread again the scene from Gun Church.

Levon Dexter felt as if he was gagging on his own thundering heart as he ran through the brush along the riverbank, his mouth as dry as the combs of the reeds he swept out of the way that snapped back in his face as he pushed on. The muscles around his eyes, his cheeks ached from the prolonged tension, yet he felt no pain in his legs despite the blood. He knew there was blood. There had to be blood. He’d felt the nicks and cuts from the coarse grasses and brambles as they chewed into the bare skin of his ankles, calves, and thighs. The only persistent pain he felt was the burning stitch in his left side. Coach wouldn’t be happy about that. By this time in the season, Levon should have been in the kind of shape to play every down on defense and special teams without breathing too heavy.

“Coach! Shit,” he thought to himself, “why the fuck I’m thinking about Coach now?” Even as he ran he fought the urge to stop and listen, to rest to catch his second wind. He also fought the anger in him and the desire to find a way to get that bitch who set him up. Part of him wanted a piece of her so bad he thought it would almost be worth it to sacrifice himself in order to get at her. But his instinct for survival and his daddy’s words drove him forward.

“They can coach you stronger, boy, but they can’t teach you speed and speed is what you got. Just keep running. The rest of it will take care of itself.”

His daddy, a hardass ex-Marine sniper, had schooled him good, so Levon had been careful to leave false traces along the way. He’d torn his shirt up and left a shred of it only a few hundred yards from where them crazy gun motherfuckers had shoved him out of the van. He’d left other shreds of shirt and pants here and there in a clear path toward the hills before doubling back and working his way along the river’s edge. They didn’t have no dogs with them as far as Levon could tell, so he didn’t worry about leaving a scent trail. He was a little concerned about the blood he guessed he was trailing as he went, but even in full moonlight it would be hard to pick up.

Damn the full moon! If it had been cloudy or if the moon had been just a slice of itself, he might’ve risked fording the river at the point where he doubled back. If, if, if … But like Coach said, “if” was a loser’s word. Anyways, with that moon up there like it was, Levon couldn’t dare cross the river: so wide and violent along this stretch. He would be way too vulnerable. Dark black skin affords you only so much of an advantage. The light coat of mud Levon had spread over his face and body to matte the shine of his sweat would wash right off the second he hit the water. Then there was his unfamiliarity with the area. What if he made it across to the other bank and it was flat and wide open over there? He’d be too easy a target.

No, he had come back by them, passing so close he could hear the crackle of dry grass beneath their feet. Only one of them spoke and loud, too: the old man with the Irish accent, the one that blond bitch called McGuinn. If Levon didn’t know better, he’d have thought that McGuinn was helping him out, signaling their position. But no, Levon thought, that was bullshit, a trap. He just continued on, using the roar of the river to mask his sound. Was a windy night, too, so his stirring the cattails didn’t draw any particular attention.

He figured he must have been near parallel to where they’d cut the tape off his wrists and ankles and kicked him out of the van, so he willed himself to slow his pace and quiet his breathing. Levon didn’t stop, but his strides were careful now, measured and stealthy. He was no fool, realizing the river’s roar that helped provide cover also prevented him from hearing any trackers that were more than a few feet away. Then, in the distance, a shot. Another. Another and another. Pop. Pop. Pop, pop. Each echo seemed to overwhelm the one before it.

A little ways farther along the bank, the river took a sharp twist and from there seemed to flow directly into a dense wood. He stilled himself completely, gathering himself as well as listening as best he could for sounds only humans make. Hearing nothing, Levon charged through the sedge and reeds for the bend in the river. By the time he made it, the stitch in his side was on fire and he could barely catch his breath. He thought about trying to cross the river here, but decided not to. He pressed his hand to his side where the stitch burned and knew immediately that the moisture on his hand wasn’t just sweat. Blood. There was blood, a lot of it, pouring out of his side. It glowed black in the moonlight. The cold water would sap his energy and he didn’t think he had the strength to make it. He needed a safe place to rest, to think.

His daddy’s lessons came back to him again. “Most folks, they just plain lazy. Even most soldiers get that way. They just look straight on ahead of themselves or side to side. So you ever in a tight spot, boy, you get high or you get low. Most likely, they’ll walk right on past you.”

He picked out a big old oak tree with a few thick, low-hanging branches-a tree that had stubbornly held on to many of its leaves in spite of the season. Levon was pretty sure that if he could kick off the trunk of the tree, he’d be able to grab one of the low branches and make his way up. With all those leaves still on its branches and all those gnarled and crisscrossed branches, they wouldn’t be able to spot him from the ground, full moon or not.

Levon took several deep breaths-deep as he could, wounded like he was-and took off in a dead run for the oak. He thought he heard something to his left, a rustling of dried leaves, but did not lose focus. He had picked out a spot on the tree trunk where he would kick off with his right foot to propel himself up to that low limb. He heard the noise again, but kept thinking about what all his coaches had taught him about tackling. Focus on the ball carrier’s numbers. Stick your face mask right between those numbers, wrap your arms, and drive him into the ground. He focused on that spot on the tree and ran to it as hard as he could. This time, it wasn’t the rustling of leaves that tugged at his focus. He saw something, a flash, out of the corner of his eye. If he had held on a little bit longer, he might have heard the accompanying thunder, but he was beyond hearing, beyond pain, beyond the reach of his daddy or his coaches.

Zoe and McGuinn heard the shots and came running. The others already had the kid’s ankles roped to the limb of a big oak, his body swaying to and fro in the stiff breeze, his lifeless fingertips no more than two or three feet off the ground. Zoe and McGuinn hung back as the others used their cell phone cameras to snap pictures with the body as if it were a fourteen-point buck …

That was the last line I read when Renee walked through the front door.

I didn’t have to say anything to her. “Kip, what’s wrong?”

“That kid who was murdered.”

“What kid? What are you talking about?”

I handed her the paper and watched her read the story.

“Oh, my god. That’s terrible, but what’s it got to do with you?”

And that’s when it hit me, when Renee asked aloud the question that had been rattling around in my head for the last few hours: I had to get out of Brixton. I wasn’t thinking straight. It was the old narcissism kicking in. A black kid who just happens to be a football player gets murdered out in the woods near here and somehow I turn that into it being about me. How did that work exactly? What, I wrote things down on my magic laptop and poof, they came to be? I was losing my mind. The pressure of having to finish the book and anxiety over moving back to New York must have been getting to me. The time had come to relieve some of that pressure. I closed my laptop, took Renee by the hand, and walked her up the stairs to the bedroom.

Night had fallen by the time we were done and the room was nearly pitch black. It’s hard to use the term “old times” when you’ve only been with someone for a couple of months, but that’s how it felt: like old times. She was relaxed in my arms and begged me to face her when we fucked. After each orgasm, she cuddled in my arms until one of us got an itch to begin again. This was the Renee I’d left behind when I went to New York. Being with her, inside her, felt so good and so right, I couldn’t believe I was about to tell her I was leaving. I didn’t get the chance.

I was trying to summon up the words to say as we lay there in the dark, her back pressed against my chest, my arms surrounding her. It was incredibly quiet, but for the occasional wail of a passing train.

“You’re leaving to go back to New York, aren’t you?” she whispered. It was perfectly loud against the utter stillness.

“I am.”

“Good.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“No and yes. You know I love you, but you don’t belong here, Ken. This isn’t your home. It never has been.”

“It only ever felt like home with you here.”