Your mother was here this morning. You will see her, of course.”
“Yes.”
“She’s about the same, I guess. She’s proud of you, but—”
“Yes, but.”
“She’s so very unhappy. She never learned to focus outward. She wallows in her own misery, and alcohol doesn’t help.”
“No.”
Lindsay watched her grandmother gently press the button that would release some painkiller into her arm. She said nothing, waiting for her grandmother to speak.
“I’m tired, Lindsay. Why don’t you go to the mansion and get settled in. Come back and see me this evening.”
“I’d rather stay someplace else, Grandmother.”
“Nonsense. You’re a grown woman now, not eighteen years old. You must learn to deal with your father sooner or later. It’s time, Lindsay, past time. Stop being a victim to your memories. You’re no longer a little girl for him to hurt and wound at his leisure. Deal with the present as you find it. As for your father, there are many things you don’t know about, but they aren’t important. Just remember, don’t let anyone intimidate you anymore, not even Royce.”
Easily said, Lindsay thought.
Lindsay wondered if anyone had ever dared disagree with her grandmother. She said, smiling as she squeezed her grandmother’s hand, “If I say no to you, you know very well you’ll intimidate me.”
“That’s different. I’m your grandmother and very old and sick and you must show me due deference. Go along, now. Oh, by the way, Holly’s a mess. Don’t give her any tit for tat. It wouldn’t be fair, even though it would probably make you feel good. She’s too vulnerable just now.”
Lindsay spoke to the doctor on her way out. His name was Boyd, and he was considered one of the best orthopedic surgeons on the west coast, at least that’s what Lindsay’s father had told her the night before. He was clearly astounded at Mrs. Foxe’s progress. He estimated only another week in the hospital if her recovery continued so rapidly. He smiled at Lindsay then and asked her if she would like to have a cup of coffee in the cafeteria. To discuss her grandmother’s case more thoroughly. His smile widened. He was a very confident man.
She said no with a sweet smile and left. It was only a short distance from the hospital to the Foxe mansion. Lindsay paid the taxi driver, set her two suitcases on the sidewalk, and stood there a moment staring at the house and beyond it to the clear blue sky over San Francisco Bay. It was an odd day in July when there was no fog. But it was crystal clear today and the air was so sweet and crisp and fresh it nearly made her eyes water. The Golden Gate Bridge looked stark and bold against that painfully clear sky, the barren Marin headlands, brown and gaunt from lack of rain, the backdrop. Lindsay had always loved the fog to curl around the bridge, softening it, blurring the headlands.
The mansion loomed up huge and neat and overwhelming, its pale brick mellow and soft with age. Odd that it seemed bigger to her now as an adult than it had when she was very young. The grounds were immaculate, the bougainvillea and roses and fuchsias and hydrangeas all in riotous oranges, reds, pinks, and whites. The grass was mowed smoothly, the hedges trimmed perfectly. Still, Lindsay didn’t move. She saw the front door open and there was a woman she didn’t recognize standing there. She waved to Lindsay.
Mrs. Dreyfus, the new housekeeper, showed Lindsay to her old room down the east corridor on the second floor. Lindsay thanked her and asked what had become of Lansford, Gates Foxe’s butler for thirty years. He’d retired, Mrs. Dreyfus told her, but Dorrey, the cook, was still here. There were two maids now, since Judge Foxe and his wife had returned to the mansion.
She finally left Lindsay to herself. Lindsay looked out the bow windows toward Alcatraz, then turned away. She lay on her bed and, to her surprise, fell asleep immediately.
One of the maids woke her at six o’clock.
It was time to see her father. She didn’t want to. There was no choice.
She washed her face and pulled her hair back into a soft bun at the back of her neck. Curly tendrils of hair fell at the sides of her face and the gentle deep waves flowed back to the bun. She applied makeup lightly and pulled on a silk wraparound dress of dark blue and white. The blue matched her eyes, the salesperson had assured her. Lindsay didn’t know about that, but she liked the dress, felt assured wearing it. She put on white heels, sending her to six feet, two inches, the same height as her father. She smiled at her reflection in the long mirror. She’d be right at his eye level. If she tilted her head back, she’d be taller. She felt confident for the first time in her life going to face her father. She wouldn’t let him intimidate her. She wouldn’t let herself feel worthless. She was ready for him, her grandmother’s advice clear in her mind.
Her confidence plummeted the moment she entered the huge living room. Sydney stood there by the fireplace, a glass of wine in her hand, speaking to their father. She was laughing, her left hand going out to touch his sleeve. He spoke more quickly, and when he finished, Sydney threw back her head and laughed deeply.
“Oh, hello, Lindsay, do come in.”
Lindsay nodded toward Holly, in pale cream silk lounging pajamas on the sofa, and came slowly, unwillingly, into the room. The last time both she and Sydney had been here was when Lindsay had been sixteen years old, at Sydney’s wedding. It lacked only her mother and five hundred guests. But there was Holly, a fine substitute. She’d gained weight; she was drinking what looked to be a double martini.
“Hello, little sister.”
“Sydney. Hello, Father.”
Royce looked her up and down and frowned. “You’ve gotten even taller. You look like a damned Amazon.”
“The heels make me your height.”
“Take them off. You look ridiculous. Not like a woman, but some sort of female impersonator.”
Lindsay took off her heels. Intimidation was a strange thing, or was it simply the long habit of a child obeying a parent? She wondered if she’d ever look him in the eye and tell him to stuff it.
“That’s better,” Royce said. “Not much, but it is the best you can do.”
Lindsay laughed. She couldn’t help it, she laughed. She leaned down, picked up her heels, and put them back on. She reached upward and stretched her back. “Ah, that feels better. As I said, Father, I’m now your height. You forget I’m a model. I’m supposed to be an Amazon.”
Royce wanted to strike her. For a moment he could think of nothing to say. Never had she gone against him, never. Look at her, the skinny beanpole! Damn, he wanted—He drew a deep breath. He would pick another time and then she would obey him without hesitation; he would see to it. He picked a piece of lint off his light gray suit coat. “Holly says she saw you at the hospital this afternoon. How was your grandmother?”
Lindsay realized she’d been holding her breath, waiting to see what he’d do. She’d won. This time she’d won. Her grandmother was right: no more intimidation. Now, if only she could stop hurting deep inside whenever he looked at her with his indifferent dislike. She answered in kind, “In good spirits. Dr. Boyd is very impressed at her recovery.”
“She’ll outlive us all,” Holly said, fingering the four gold chains around her neck. She also wore four rings on her right hand. She wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. “Sydney says you don’t drink alcohol because you’re too heavy. Would you like some soda water?”
“Yes, thank you, Holly. I’m surprised to see you here, Sydney.”
“I don’t see why. She’s my grandmother as well, and I was in New York, not Italy. I was just telling Father I would be modeling for Arden—nothing lowbrow or anything to be ashamed of, even for a powerful federal judge. Just imagine, both of us models.”
“You’ll be wonderful, Sydney.”
“Quite probably. I was just telling Father how your jealousy—so unnecessary now that you’re grown—clouded your judgment, how I wanted us to do the commercials together, two sisters, both so different—”
Lindsay interrupted her easily. “It had nothing to do with jealousy.” Holly thrust a glass of soda water into her hand. Lindsay took a quick drink. “It had to do with what happened five years ago. I told Demos why I didn’t want the whole business dredged up again.” Lindsay paused, then said, “I am asking you, Sydney, once you make your debut as a model, not to tell people what my real name is and our relationship.”
Sydney regarded her silently for several very long moments. She seemed amused.
