choices since Susan’s incarceration have been consistently bad; from his relationship with the much older girlfriend that produced repeated charges of abuse, to his acting out in ways that virtually assured that authorities, especially the police, would have to step in and control his behavior. This vicious circle—paranoid beliefs about authority, acting out so that he becomes a target and the inevitable clamping down on his freedom—will not be broken unless Eli gains personal insight that, thus far, does not seem to exist.
After many years at the hands of two people well-educated in psychology, it is ironic that more counseling and therapy may be the only hope for Eli’s salvation. Some people are capable of working through emotional troubles on their own or at least compartmentalizing the past such that they appear to function well in their daily lives. I am not optimistic this will occur for Eli. Despite his physical appearance, time spent around this young man made me acutely aware of his frailties. Coupled with the detrimental impact his recent imprisonment has had, and the essentially life-time incarceration of his only living parent, I do not believe the prognosis for Eli’s future is a good one.
At present, Eli has been released from jail. His grandmother, Helen, a figure virtually unknown to him until Susan’s arrest and one who reinforces her daughter’s skewed world view, has a condominium waiting for him in San Diego, but Susan is objecting to this arrangement. She wants him to stay in the Miner Road house completely alone, despite the planned sale of that home. Sadly, Eli continues to listen to such irrational advice from his mother.
He dreamed of entering the military. Maybe the discipline would have been a good balance for him, but I believe that insubordination would have been his likely reaction to that environment. Nevertheless, his criminal record has now foreclosed this career path. Will he reconcile with Adam and Gabe such that his remaining family can form a support unit? Again, that does not seem likely in the immediate future. Can Eli manage any remaining monies from his parent’s estate as he tries to get his feet on the ground? I fervently hope that alternatives present themselves for this troubled young man, but I cannot conjure such a scenario at present. I worry that, without extraordinary intervention, the Polk story has more tragedy in store for him.
In stories such as this, I am always searching for the larger meaning. Obviously, the issue here is recognizing the enormous repercussions that flow from dysfunctional families. Both Susan and Felix were set on a path in their early years that propelled them toward pain and grief in their lives. That the two would find each other is not so unusual. Society has learned much about codependent relationships in recent decades. Yet there were many warning signals ignored along the way. Many people in positions of responsibility were aware of the improper, unethical beginnings for the Polks, yet did nothing to address this.
Even more evident were the rampant behavioral problems exhibited by the Polk sons at relatively early ages. School professionals, members of law enforcement, jurists, and psychologists—all could see that these boys were having grave troubles, but they did little to challenge the underlying conditions at home. With the benefit of hindsight, it is easy to criticize, but the incidents were too numerous to chalk them up to minor difficulties in an otherwise normal family.
The literature on dysfunctional families has grown astronomically in recent years. The requirements that officials at school and elsewhere report and react to such events exist for a reason. More aggressive behavior by these authorities had no assurance of success, but much more could have been done.
Ultimately, the Polk family seemed to be on a runaway train barreling toward a cliff with no way to halt the looming tragedy. If Susan had not killed Felix, I believe another catastrophe would have presented itself. I cannot fathom that a divorce between these two people would have ended their dangerous dance; nor would a legal dissolution have repaired the younger boys, Eli and Gabriel. Adam simply removed himself from the family unit, exhibiting enough inner strength to reject the poison that was still infecting his siblings. What might have occurred had the younger boys continued as players in their parent’s drama will never be known. But it is not hard to imagine that some sort of violence would have occurred—an outcome that still threatens Eli.
Our families are the most formative influence on the human psyche. For better or worse, a childhood forever shapes attitudes, outlooks, and more subtle perceptions about the world. Felix brought enormous trauma and inner turmoil to his relationship with a very troubled young woman and, instead of healing her wounds, exacerbated her serious psychological problems. The couple then projected their disastrous mix onto three helpless children.
This is the story of so many of the people who fill our prisons today. Whether rich or poor, smart or simple, this group usually has been damaged long before they act out. Society cannot simply empathize and open prison doors because of a bad childhood, but it should understand that without addressing this insidious damage, incarceration will do little to affect what makes such people dangerous to others or themselves. Prison therapy is often seen as a weak, “liberal” response to criminal behavior, but it is one of the few measures that might actually rehabilitate those who will one day walk our streets again.
As you read this, adults and children all over the country are being subjected to mental and physical violence in a place that should be the most safe—their homes. Their personal traumas regularly become bigger problems for our schools, our workplaces, and the criminal justice system. We must better address this reality to save not only these tragic souls, but our larger family—the human race.
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