She saw his face and said, 'Never mind,' then hung the anorak over the back of a chair. Then she removed her gardening gloves and laid them next to the sink, saying, 'Holly's in town, at the shops. She shouldn't be long. She's taking a skirt back or something.'
Nathan coughed and said, 'I know.'
Then, before he had time to think about it, he said, 'Actually, I'd quite like a word.'
Graham and June stood next to each other. Hesitantly, June reached out and took Graham's hand.
Nathan said, 'I know that we - Holly and I ... I know that we haven't known each other very long. But the fact is, the fact is, this has been the happiest time of my life. I don't want you to think we're rushing into anything. And I don't want you to imagine I do this kind of thing often. Because I really don't. Not ever.'
'What are you trying to say?'
'That we'd like to -- with your permission. We'd like to get married.
If that's all right.'
Now it was said, he felt worn out and awkward.
He looked past them, at the blossoming orchard at the foot of the garden. It was so quiet in the kitchen. Just the ticking of the clock, the croaking of the birds outside.
Graham and June had not so much as exchanged a glance. But June was squeezing Graham's hand in hers.
Graham said, 'We would consider it an honour.'
Nathan shook the proffered hand with measured formality.
Holly arrived home an hour later. She opened the door on the latch and called out a speculative 'Hello?'
The champagne was already half drunk and June's flowers were in the vase.
Holly stepped into the kitchen. 'I see he's told you, then?'
June and Holly held each other's hands and sobbed, happy-sad.
Graham stepped back, casting his eyes upon his shoes. When June had disengaged, he hugged his daughter. He kissed her cheek and whispered something. It made her squeeze his hand and screw up her eyes and nod.
Nathan stood in the corner of the conservatory, watching them, the sunlight streaming in behind him, casting a faint amber lozenge on the floor.
21
A week before Holly's thirtieth birthday, she organized a table at a Greek restaurant, so Nathan could meet her friends. He was late; he hurried upstairs, clutching the flowers he'd bought as a gift for Holly's best woman.
Five women and a man were seated round a long table. Holly was in the centre, with Nathan's seat empty beside her.
Breathless, Nathan presented the flowers in a general, speculative way to the people seated round the table, saying: 'These are for Jacki.'
By the way all the faces turned to face one person, he guessed that Jacki was the woman sitting opposite Holly. She turned to him and stood, smiling.
He recognized her at once as the police officer who'd come to his flat with Detective William Holloway. He remembered how she had stood silently, watching the passing buses.
She said, 'Nathan?'
He nodded.
'Come here and give me a hug.'
He and Jacki hugged. The table clapped and whooped and whistled.
He handed her the bouquet, then crab-stepped round the table, saying hello to everyone. He sat next to Holly. She squeezed his knee.
'You okay?'
'Fine, fine.'
'You look pale.'
'Mad rush. Bad day at work. The traffic's insane. The taxi was late.'
'Anyway,' said Jacki. 'Aren't you going to introduce us?'
Holly pressed Nathan's hand flat to the table. 'This, everybody, is Nathan.'
He gave a fey half-wave like an ailing monarch. There was more hand clapping, more whooping.
Only Jacki was in focus. She was pretty short - shorter than he'd imagined police officers were allowed to be. Practical haircut: sleek and dark, tucked behind her ears.
She said, 'We've heard a lot about you.'
'Not all bad, I hope.'
'Not all of it,' said the man, Martin.
(Everyone laughed, as if he'd voiced a broad innuendo.) Holly squeezed Nathan's hand. It was a question. He squeezed back a reply: Really, I'm fine.
He feared the light of recognition in Jacki's eyes. That she'd drop her fork, clattering on the edge of her white dinner plate, and the table would fall silent and heads would turn and that would be the end of it all.
Nathan forced down his starter, then bolted a glass of wine. Steph leaned over to top him up. He thanked her. He could feel the wine, cold in his guts. He wanted a cigarette, but nobody was smoking.
Finally, a waiter arrived to clear the first course. Jacki produced a pack of Silk Cut, dumping them on the table like a deck of cards. In relief, Nathan reached into his own pocket.
Jacki looked round the table. 'Nobody else smoking?'
She half stood, grabbing Nathan's hand.
'Then it's the perfect opportunity to give my warning speech to the groom.'
Nathan allowed himself to be dragged outside. Martin made a loud and witless joke about handcuffs and going quietly. Nathan looked pleadingly over his shoulder. The table laughed.
Outside, Nathan and Jacki stood beneath a lamp post. Drizzle swarmed like midges in its yellow light.
Jacki lit a Silk Cut, offered the pack to him. He thanked her, said no thanks, took one of his own.
She blew a long plume of smoke and said, 'She doesn't know, does she?'
A car went past. Nathan followed its progress.
'No.'
'What did you think you were playing at?'
'I didn't know.'
'Ha.'
'She never talked about it. And by the time she did, by the time she told me, it was too late.'
'You have to tell her.'
'Tell her what? That, along with about a million other people, I was at the same party as her sister?'
'The night she disappeared, yeah. And that you knew the suspect.'
'It was his party. I was employed by him. I hated his guts. And he was never even charged.'
They fell silent and stepped aside, allowing two lovers to pass huddled together, heads down in the rain.
'She's got a right to know.'
'It would break her heart.'
Jacki glared at him, defiant.
'Look,' said Nathan. 'For Christ's sake, she's happy. What else matters?'
'Yeah,' said Jacki. 'Well.'
'I know you care for her.'
'I've known her since she was eleven. Don't talk to me about caring for her.'
'Okay. I haven't known her as long as you have. But Jesus. Please.
Come on.'
'Jesus,' said Jacki, and shook her head.
'Come on,' said Nathan. 'Please.'
Jacki made a face. He thought she was about to spit. She threw down the stub of her cigarette and watched
