Burial

'Then why did Justin's secretary call to ask where you were?

Apparently there was some kind of presentation. Someone called Steve Jackson had to do it for you. There's been a bit of a fuss around the office.'

Nathan slumped in the chair.

'Fuck. I forgot.'

'Where were you?'

'With Justin.'

'Well. That's what I said to Miriam: 'He's probably with Justin.' But she told me Justin was in a meeting.'

'It's her job to say that. She says it a hundred and fifty times a day. It's never true.'

'I've got no reason to disbelieve her.'

'You have every reason to disbelieve her. She's Justin's PA. Her job is to lie.'

'Apparently you had your phone turned off 'That's true enough.'

'That's not like you.'

'No.'

'Are you seeing someone?'

'Excuse me?'

'Are you having an affair?'

He wanted to stand in indignation, but he was far, far too tired.

'You should know better than to ask that.'

'What am I supposed to think? You're like a different person.'

'I'm sorry.'

'If you're not seeing someone, then what is it?'

'I can't explain.'

'Is it Bob?'

'No. Why?'

'Because you haven't been yourself from the minute he came round that night. Right from the minute.'

What could he say? She was right.

She said, 'I'm going to bed.' 'Me, too.'

'Whatever.'

He followed at her heel. Trying to minimize at least the physical distance between them.

32

In the morning, having gone to some effort to look and act less hungover than he felt, he told Holly, 'I'm going to see Brian.'

Brian was their family doctor; he was one of Graham's domino playing cronies.

She said, 'Good.'

Nathan knew Brian socially - they'd spoken at various fetes and barbecues and New Year's Eve parties. It was to Brian that Nathan and Holly had gone, when first trying to conceive. So he was able to book an appointment for that afternoon.

Brian was petite and aquiline and dapper -- sixty-three and unmarried.

Nathan

liked Brian - they often gravitated to one another at parties.

Nathan thought they recognized a secret in each other --although Nathan supposed his secret was not what Brian imagined.

Now Nathan described to Brian his anxiety, his inability to sleep.

'But I don't want anti-depressants. They don't work. I'll get through it without them. All I need is sleep. Just a few good nights'

sleep, and it'll be okay.'

Brian wrote Nathan a prescription for three months' supply of temazepam, telling him: 'Everyone has their ups and downs. You've probably been working too hard. I've seen it all before, more times than I can count. You need to slow down, take some time out.

Graham and June are always telling me how hard you're working.'

'You're probably right.'

'Come back and see me, if you need to.'

'I will. I will. But I'm sure I'll be fine.'

He stood outside Oakley's the Chemist while the pharmacist prepared his prescription. Wandering up and down the pavement like a polar bear in a zoo enclosure, he called Bob. Who said, 'How are you?'

'Tired. We need to talk again. Can we meet tonight? In the Plough?'

'I can be there at eight?'

'I'll see you then.'

Nathan pocketed the phone, went in to Oakley's to collect his prescription, then drove back to work. On the way, he stopped off at Travis Perkins, building suppliers, where he bought a pair of heavy duty bolt cutters.

The man behind the counter looked at Nathan in his suit and his good tie and his haircut, buying bolt cutters. Nathan smiled tightly and walked out, dangling the bolt cutters in his fist by one long handle.

He called Holly from the office. She said, 'How are you?'

'Tired.'

'How did it go with Brian?'

'Good. He says I've been working too hard.'

'Well, we know that's true.'

'He offered me something. To help me sleep.'

'What?'

'Temazepam. But I've kept the prescription. I don't think I need it.'

'That's good. It's good to hear you say that.'

'I'm going to be fine.'

'I know.'

'And so are we.'

'I know.'

He took a breath and said, 'I'll be late tonight.'

A moment of silence on the line. 'Where will you be?'

'Look. You're right. Part of it is this bloke, Bob. He's been on my back. He's unhappy, he's got no friends. He's really needy. You know what I mean.'

She said nothing, which meant she did.

'Well, it's too much,' said Nathan. 'I feel sorry for him and every thing, but I'm sick of it. I hardly even know him. So tonight, I'm going to tell him: I've got my own problems, leave me alone.'

Now he could hear her smiling as she said, 'Okay.'

'I'll see you later,' he said. 'Don't wait up.'

At 7.45, he called Bob.

'Hello?'said Bob. 'Where are you ?'

'Why?'

'Noise in the background.'

'I'm in the pub.'

'Okay. Good. Look, I've got an issue at work. I'm stuck in the office. I'll be fifteen, twenty minutes late. Is that a problem?'

'No problem.'

'Then I'll see you about quarter past.'

He terminated the call and turned off the phone, placing it in the glove compartment.

He wasn't really at work. He was parked outside Bob's lock-up garage.