'I think I got him breathing'
He was told to stand back. He stood back. He retreated to the far wall and stood there. He said, 'I'm sorry,' and kept repeating it, though he wasn't sure if the paramedics could hear.
But they must have, because one of them directed him to the kitchenette, safely out of the way.
37
Into the bedsit came two uniformed police officers. They were followed by Jacki Hadley. She was in plain clothes.
Nathan had the whisky bottle in his hand. Pretending to ruminate, he was using his thumbnail to pick the tiny bits of solder from the bottom of the cap. He'd almost forgotten about that.
Jacki noticed the wet patch on Nathan's leg - water from the melting carrier bag.
Nathan followed her gaze and half-grinned, sheepish.
'It's the shock,' said Jacki. 'It happens.'
'It happens.'
Nathan set down the whisky bottle and began deliberately to button his raincoat to cover the wet patch.
Jacki led him by the elbow to the far corner of the room. She said, 'Look, Nathan. I know this is a terrible shock. But I need to speak to you before you can go. Just quickly. We'll talk some more in the morning.'
Nathan nodded. 'Appreciate it.'
'The first thing I need to ask is -- how did you get in tonight?'
'He left the front door on the latch. I think he wanted me to find him.'
Jacki's face softened. 'He's a troubled man,' she said. 'Don't blame yourself
'I'll try not to,' said Nathan.
He looked over Jacki's shoulder at the paramedics, two men and a woman, who were working so industriously to save Bob Morrow's !r life.
More police had arrived by the time they let Nathan go.
By then, Bob had been taken away. The police would be photographing the place, Nathan supposed; the ranks of books on the supernatural, the chalk circle on the floor. He wondered how long it would be before they found Elise. He was sure it would be tonight.
Not too soon, he hoped. He didn't want to be there when it happened.
Jacki
walked upstairs with him. She stopped on the threshold, in earshot of the curious neighbours who'd gathered in the hallway and , front garden. She hugged him.
'You did well. You should be proud of yourself Tears came to his eyes. He wiped them away with the back of his hand. He could smell the latex and talcum. 'Thank you.'
She squeezed his hand.
He told her, 'All I have to do now is face Holly.'
She'll understand.'
- I hope so.'
Nathan gave her a brave soldier smile.
, On his way home, he pulled into the kerb. From his pocket he fished out the now-limp freezer bag containing the balled-up vestiges of Elise's clothing. He examined it. They seemed such trivial scraps.
What little evidence was on them had surely been destroyed by all those years in the soil.
Now he was alone, and now Bob was gone, that seemed obvious.
He thought about burning the rags somewhere. But that seemed an odd thing to risk being caught doing. So he got out of the car and lit a cigarette. He stood over a drain. He ripped open the bag and stooped down, stuffing the remnants between the rungs. Bits of rotten cloth clung to the wet metal. He eased them away with his fingertips.
He poked down what was recognizably the toe shell of an Adidas trainer, perished and withered like a burst balloon.
He didn't think anybody saw him, but didn't think it mattered.
For all they could see, he might be looking for something: dropped keys, perhaps. He stuffed the rolled-up gloves down there, helping them with the tip of his pen. The ripped-apart freezer bag followed, and the remains of the Sainsbury's carrier too.
That was it. All gone.
He smoked the cigarette and dropped that down the drain. Then he got behind the wheel of the car, and put the radio on.
38
When Nathan arrived, Holly was sitting in the living room, in darkness.
He
stood in the doorway.
She said, 'They found her.'
He went to her. Kneeling, brushing the hair back from her face.
He wanted to look at her.
She did not want to look at him. She turned her head away.
He withdrew, standing.
He said, 'Will you call June and Graham?'
'In the morning. Let them sleep. Just one more night.'
He followed her to the kitchen.
There was too much to explain.
He said, 'We don't know it's her. Not yet.'
It's her. You know it's her.'
She frowned, knuckling a knot between her eyes. She said, 'You know.'
'If you hadn't. If you hadn't lied, we might have been spared . . .'
All this.
Holly said, 'Every word. Every word you ever spoke. All of it.
Based on a l
She lit one of his cigarettes. Her first for years.
'How could I tell you?'
'How could you not?'
'Because I didn't want this to happen.'
'Well, it's happening.'
'I know. I'm sorry.'
He searched for better words. But they'd passed into a territory where words had no function. So he just said, 'I'm sorry.'
They sat at the table and talked in slow circles until morning.
There was a dawn chorus. Sunrise through the condensation cast pearly drops on their skin.
In the wan light, she went to stare at the photos ofElise. Then she came back into the kitchen to light another of his cigarettes. She ran her hands through her hair. It was frizzy and dry: it needed washing.
Her lips were cracked.
She said, 'I can't have you around me.'
'Okay.'
'You should never have lied. You should just never have lied.'
'I know.'
She grabbed his face. Her nails dug into his flesh. Her eyes fluoresced with hatred. And then her eyes welled with tears and she let him go.
At 6.30, she rang her parents. There were long silences at either end of the line. There were no tears. It was
