receded.
There was just me. And the knife. And the tail.
I watched my right hand point the tip of the knife at the ground beside the tail. I didn’t know if I had the strength but I had to make one single swift movement and the job had to be done. There would be no time for a second slice. I decided that a downward stroke with the force across the tail was the best way. There was hair around the base of the tail and that stopped the demon feeling the keenness of the blade. For all it knew it might have been the finger of a maiden ready with more stimulations. I took a deep breath in and mustered all my power and focus. I thrust the knife downward and towards the tail with every fibre of my strength and every atom of my will. With the other I kept a gentle hold on the tail. That was when I discovered, to my probably eternal relief that demons don’t have bones in their tails. The blade went through it as if I was cutting roast bison and the tail came away in my hand. I was so delighted I knelt there looking at the thing and smiling when I ought to have been running away.
I think it’s accurate to say that the demon felt the bite of the blade. It sat up knocking Mrs. Rickett—a still not totally satisfied Mrs. Rickett—backwards. She grappled the beast’s chest hairs and managed to hang on. There was no sound of a scream from either the body or the head, but I did hear repeated bursts of air escaping its windpipe and it didn’t take much to imagine the level of noise it would have made if its head were still attached to its body. The tail writhed like a snake in my hand and I fell backwards just as two enormous, six-fingered, talon- tipped hands came my way. Trapped by a leg on each side, I rolled backwards, ending up in a heap, but out of reach, at the creature’s feet. I stood up, knife in one hand with not a drop of blood upon it and tail in the left gripping my wrist and flailing as if blessed with its own life.
The circle of semi clad and unclad village ladies faltered in its rhythm. Some of the women looked around as if not knowing where they were and then, seeing each other as though for the first time and seeing me, they tried to cover themselves up with their hands. Most of them were far too well endowed for this approach to work. They merely looked more naked than ever. I ran past them to the sounds of Mrs. Rickett screaming, ‘NO, NO. Don’t stop. I haven’t finished yet!”
Moments later, women were running past me into the night, into the forest, trying to get home. We let them go but the men looked downhearted. Some of them looked totally defeated by what they’d seen. No doubt they thought that if they’d been lacking before in the eyes of their wives, they now had no chance. It wasn’t the moment for a pep talk on the unimportance of size. Instead I tried to rally them.
“Come along now, men folk. We have its tail. We have all the power.”
In the clearing the demon was standing, swaying with both hands clasped over the place where its tail had so recently been. Its once intimidating erection drooped defeated towards the ground. Even without its head the demon’s posture was an utter advertisement of its feelings.
It was humiliated, it was powerless, it was embarrassed.
I checked the demon’s face, knowing it knew what had happened and saw there, so contrasted with all its expressions of menace and excess, such a look of debilitation and despair that I almost felt sorry for the thing.
“Here, help me,” I said.
Prattle bent and took hold of a horn. We started to swing the head.
“One, two, THREE!”
We let go and the head flew away from us into the clearing. Rolling the last few strides and coming to rest at the feet of its estranged body. Controlling its body with difficulty from such a wrong angle, the head directed the hands downward until they had a hold of it. They lifted it back into place and for the first time since the demon had landed in the field, we saw it standing up, alive and complete except for one small and essential detail. From the front, of course, it still looked fairly fierce and the men took a few nervous steps backwards.
“Be bold, gentlemen. We are in control now,” said I.
I don’t think they believed me and to be honest, neither did I. The demon advanced towards us in huge strides, shaking the ground enough to unnerve me. The tail tried to slither free of my hand and I squeezed it tight. Even when the demon had been hanging from the church bell tower, it hadn’t seemed this large. It loomed in front of us. Well, in front of
“Return that which you have stolen,” it said, pointing at my hand.
I had to force myself not to hesitate and my own voice sounded puny to my ears when I replied.
“I think not, demon.”
“Return it or I will slaughter all of you and devour your souls.”
Prattle tugged at my sleeve,
“Perhaps you ought to do what it suggests.”
I shook his hand away.
“Sorry, demon. Can’t do it. If you want your tail back, you’ll have to take it.”
I smiled a sweet smile and put my hands behind my back so that the tail was out of sight. The demon puffed himself up and spread his wings. He stretched his powerful arms out and uncurled his claw-tipped fingers. He raised himself up to his full height. He peeled his lips back to reveal his many teeth. He took a huge deep breath and his chest expanded to twice its normal size.
“That’s enough posturing, demon. Now, the fact is that you’re the one who’s stolen something from us. A couple of things, actually. First, you’ve taken our contentment and second, you’ve thieved the purity of some of our wives. We’d like both those things back, please. Or I’m very sorry, but it will be no more tail for Mr. Demon.”
The demon pointed a long and deadly finger at me.
“You will rue this disrespect, Delly Duke.”
“Oh, so you know my name do you? I expect I’m rather famous in Hell.”
“No, but we anticipate your imminent arrival. And the indignities I’ve suffered at the hands of you humans will be as nothing to those you’ll suffer at ours.”
“Quite so, I’m sure, but you won’t be involved in any of the fun because you’ve lost your tail. You’re out of a job. Now, I’ve given you a chance to win it back by undoing your misdeeds, but you’ve ignored that, so now the price goes up. Come and see me tomorrow if you wish to negotiate some kind of exchange. Not too early, though, it’s been a long night already.” I turned my back on the creature and walked away down the path back to the village. The rest of the men turned and followed but I saw them all cast uneasy looks back over their shoulders as we left the demon behind. Scant moments passed before the ground was shaking once again just behind us.
“I’ll return your contentment and the purity of your women. Just give me the tail. Now.”
I stopped and faced the creature again.
“I’m terribly sorry, demon. You must have misunderstood me the first time. You refused my offer and now the price has increased for the item you wish to purchase. Refuse the terms again and the price will increase yet again. It’s really very simple. Now do you want the tail back or don’t you?”
It was as though I’d pricked a bubble. The demon deflated, its shoulders sagged and its head hung down in misery and defeat.
“Yes,” it sighed.
“Then you’ve got some questions to answer and some work to do. Let’s go back to the church and make a start, shall we?”
“I don’t much like churches.”
“Tough.”
More Bargaining
In the church the demon sat near the altar shivering in discomfort. We sat in the front pews, me near the centre asking the questions.
“What is your name, demon?”
“Rupert.”
