Twisted: The Collected Short Stories of Jeffery Deaver

'Yeah, I guess. That'd be the worst thing I could think of.'

That was a pretty damn scary thing and I'd thought on it before. 'Cause that was what happened to my old man. And it wasn't not seeing anymore that got to me. No, it was that I'd have to depend on somebody else for… Christ, for everything, I guess.

'Okay, think about this,' he said. 'The way you feel about going blind's the way my family'd feel if they lost me. It'd be that bad for them. You don't want to cause them that kind of pain, do you?' I didn't want to, no. But I knew I had to. I didn't want to think about it anymore. I asked him, 'So what's this last reason you're telling me about?'

'The last reason,' he said, kind of whispering. But he didn't go on. He looked around the room, you know, like his mind was someplace else.

'Yeah?' I asked. I was pretty curious. 'Tell me.'

But he just asked, 'You think these people, they have a bar?'

And I'd just been thinking I could use a drink too. I went into the kitchen and of course they didn't have any beer in the fridge on account of the house being all closed up and the power off. But they did have scotch and that'd be my first choice anyway.

I got a couple glasses and took the bottle back to the living room. Thinking this was a good idea. When it came time to do it it'd be easier for him and for me both if we were kinda tanked. I shoved my Smitty into his neck and cut the tape his hands were tied with then taped them in front of him. I sat back and kept my knife near, ready to go, in case he tried something. But it didn't look like he was going to do anything. He read over the scotch bottle, kind of disappointed it was cheap. And I agreed with him there. One thing I learned a long time ago, you going to rob, rob rich.

I sat back where I could keep an eye on him.

'The last reason. Okay, I'll tell you. I'm going to prove to you that you should let me go.'

'You are?'

'All those other reasons — the practical ones, the humanitarian ones… I'll concede you don't care much about those — you don't look very convinced. All right? Then let's look at the one reason you should let me go.'

I figured this was going to be more crap. But what he said was something I never would've expected.

'You should let me go for your own sake.'

'For me? What're you talking about?'

'See, Jack, I don't think you're lost.'

'Whatta you mean, lost?'

'I don't think your soul's beyond redemption.'

I laughed at this, laughed out loud, because I just had to. I expected a hell of a lot better from a hotshot vice-president salesman like him. 'Soul? You think I got a soul?'

'Well, everybody has a soul,' he said, and what was crazy was he said it like he was surprised that I didn't think so. It was like I'd said wait a minute, you mean the earth ain't flat? Or something.

'Well, if I got a soul it's taken the fast lane to hell.' Which was this line I heard in this movie and I tried to laugh but it sounded flat. Like Weller was saying something deep and I was just kidding around. It made me feel cheap. I stopped smiling and looked down at Toth, lying there in the corner, those dead eyes of his just staring, staring, and I wanted to stab him again I was so mad.

'We're talking about your soul.'

I snickered and sipped the liquor. 'Oh, yeah, I'll bet you're the sort that reads those angel books they got all over the place now.'

'I go to church but, no, I'm not talking about all that silly crap. I don't mean magic. I mean your conscience. What Jack Prescot's all about.'

I could tell him about social workers and youth counselors and all those guys who don't know nothing about the way life works. They think they do. But it's the words they use. You can tell they don't know a thing. Some counselors or somebody'11 talk to me and they say, Oh, you're maladjusted, you're denying your anger, things like that. When I hear that, I know they don't know nothing about souls or spirits.

'Not the afterlife,' Weller was going on. 'Not morality. I'm talking about life here on earth that's important. Oh, sure, you look skeptical. But listen to me. I really believe if you have a connection with somebody, if you trust them, if you have faith in them, then there's hope for you.'

'Hope? What's that mean? Hope for what?'

'That you'll become a real human being. Lead a real life.'

Real… I didn't know what he meant but he said it like what he was saying was so clear that I'd have to be an idiot to miss it. So I didn't say nothing.

He kept going. 'Oh, there're reasons to steal and there're reasons to kill. But on the whole, don't you really think it's better not to? Just think about it: Why do we put people in jail if it's all right for them to murder? Not just us but all societies.'

'So, what? Ooooo, I'm gonna give up my evil ways?'

And he just lifted his eyebrow and said, 'Maybe. Tell me, Jack, how'd you feel when your buddy — what's his name?'

'Joe Roy Toth.'

'Toth. When he shot that customer by the counter? How'd you feel?'

'I don't know.'

'He just turned around and shot him. For no reason. You knew that wasn't right, didn't you?' And I started to say something. But he said, 'No, don't answer me. You'd be inclined to lie. And that's all right. It's an instinct in your line of work. But I don't want you believing any lies you tell me. Okay? I want you to look into your heart and tell me if you didn't think something was real wrong about what Toth did. Think about that, Jack. You knew something wasn't right.'

All right, I did. But who wouldn't? Toth screwed everything up. Everything went sour. And it was all his fault.

'It dug at you, right, Jack? You wished he hadn't done it.'

I didn't say nothing but just drank some more scotch and looked out the window and watched the flashing lights around the town. Sometimes they seemed close and sometimes they seemed far away.

'If I let you go you'll tell 'em about me.'

Like everybody else. They all betrayed me. My father — even after he went blind, the son of a bitch turned me in. My first PO, the judges. Sandra. My boss, the one I knifed.

'No, I won't,' Weller said. 'We're talking about an agreement. I don't break deals. I promised I won't tell a soul about you, Jack. Not even my wife.' He leaned forward, cupping the booze between his hands. 'You let me go, it'll mean all the difference in the world to you. It'll mean that you're not hopeless. I guarantee your life'll be different. That one act — letting me go — it'll change you forever. Oh, maybe not this year. Or for five years. But you'll come around. You'll give up all this, everything that happened back there in Liggett Falls. All the crime, the killing. You'll come around. I know you will.'

'You just expect me to believe you won't tell anybody?'

'Ah,' Weller said and lifted his bound-up hands to drink more scotch. 'Now we get down to the big issue.'

Again, that silence and finally I said, 'And what's that?'

'Faith.'

There was this burst of siren outside, real near, and I told him to shut up and pushed the gun against his head. His hands were shaking but he didn't do anything stupid and a few minutes later, after I sat back, he started talking again. 'Faith. That's what I'm talking about. A man who has faith is somebody who can be saved.'

'Well, I don't have any goddamn faith,' I told him.

But he kept right on talking. 'If you believe in another human being you have faith.'

'Why the hell do you care whether I'm saved or not?'

'Because life's hard and people're cruel. I told you I'm a churchgoer. A lot of the Bible's crazy. But some of it I believe. And one of the things I believe is that sometimes we're put in these situations to make a difference. I think that's what happened tonight. That's why you and I both happened to be at the drugstore at the same time. You've