tightening in my chest only easing, once each one had filtered away to their different classes. Only Amber remained at my side.
‘See you tomorrow’ Claudine called, looking at me ominously.
‘Yeah, tomorrow,’ her twin, Caro echoed.
I felt sick, and damned myself on the way home for agreeing. I didn’t want to go, I only felt comfortable with Jo-Jo. Most of what I did went unnoticed. I took walks on my own, soaking up the energy of the air and light. I preferred to be barefoot, feeling the earth beneath my feet. Outside everything looked radiant to me, not artificial.
I didn’t tell them that I already meditated or where. I didn’t tell them anything. I loved meditating in the woods, my other home. It always started the same way, once I had settled myself under a tree. In my dream world, I was walking through the mist into a land of wide, expansive fields filled with every flower imaginable. The grass moved beneath my feet tickling me in welcome and the light was warm and inviting. In the distance, mountains with waterfalls poured down into large pools while strange flying birds called from nearby trees. The most exciting part for me was when I got deeper, and found myself in a place I hadn’t created.
There, I’m standing on large marble steps which lead to a grand hallway, held up by twisted columns. Impressions of golden statues in the far recesses excite me and the urge to touch them, and weave round them like a child was always tempting. It was hard not to get excited when I reached that level, but sometimes I ruined it by trying too hard, and I’m brought back.
Only once did I manage to see further up the lap of the statue, spying the long tapering fingers that clasped a round shaped ball. It took all of my effort to concentrate on the engraved map before it had started to spin. I was ecstatic, and felt like I’d got an A plus in my exams. Then, like an elastic band I always snapped back past the field to the woods, where I woke up. I didn’t try to do that too often, it made me tired. I smiled to myself, and wondered what the meditation group would have made of that.
Mum and Dad didn’t seem to mind when I took walks. After all, the woods were behind my house, and I’m fifteen going on sixteen or twenty five according to my parents, so old enough to wander. I loved my house, and my parents always talked about their luck when they moved into the area. ‘Meant to be,’ Mum had smiled. The leaflet was dropped in their post-box advertising a private sale. They had just moved to the village of Tidwell, but were renting a flat. Dad’s job wasn’t far away; he worked for the council as a planner. So when they phoned, and found out the house was empty, they were convinced there had to be something wrong, but even the price was right. It turned out that the owner, who was overseas, wanted a quick sale. The story had been told so many times, I knew it by heart, including how they always compared it to their luck in finding me. It was rickety and old, and the thatched roof was replaced, but for me, the best part had always been about where it was.
My bedroom window looked out over the woods, and at night, when they thought I was asleep, I was leaning out as far as I could. It was my thinking time, although I thought better with the dew under my feet. The back garden had a high fence. It didn’t when I was little, only a hedge and a gate – that was all. But then, when I was little, I had gone missing for nearly a whole day. After that, they never let me out of their sight.
The moon tonight from my window, seemed fatter, brighter, and I sighed, breathing in deeply, like I did every night, imagining the light entering my body. I missed Jo-Jo, and being in a new group was stressful. Everything felt different lately, even when I meditated, I found it hard to let go of the tension. It was like I was waiting for something to happen, I just didn’t know what.
Maybe it was because I was thinking about something happening, as my heart beat increased when a rustle from below caught my attention. I looked over the fence where the top of the trees glinted in the moonlight, and it took a while for my eyes to adjust.
An icy grip of fear touched the back of my neck, and I felt drawn, unable to look away. I hesitated, my hand on the handle and rubbed my thumb over the cold metal, thinking, looking. A shadow in the trees made me jerk my neck at the image of a shapeless dark thing, rushing up. I didn’t hesitate any longer and closed the window. Small sounds like scraping fingers, felt the edges of the window and I stared in horror. Maybe it was my imagination, but the room seemed darker, and I felt trapped. I was almost relieved to hear the sound of my grumpy baby sister moaning below. I rushed down to the safety of my parents. It was the first time that I had ever voluntarily closed my bedroom window.
3
Know me
I’m running, from what I don’t know, but its close. Someone is calling my name. The voice is echoing through the tall towers of trees. I can hear my breathing and scream when I feel the iron grip of something on my arm. The fingers are cold, and I don’t want to look. I call out, but there are more of them now, hands coming out of the mist. Hands dragging me down and I look down in horror. My legs have already sunk knee deep, and I can’t move. Fingers scrape my skin, pulling me further into the earth. I feel him before I see him. A shadow sweeps down and pulls at my arms. I concentrate on the fleeting outline of his face. It’s fuzzy to start off with, and I get the impression of wings behind him. His face shifts from dark, intense eyes to sea green and I’m confused and let go. Darkness takes me then, as I slip and I hear his voice in my ear, whispering. I know you…you know me.
‘You ready?’ Amber sang from the front door. I looked at the voluminous vision in black gossamer and netting and quickly pulled on my jacket before shouting goodbye. I had cleared going out, earlier, with my parents. I knew they were confused that I didn’t invite her in, but they accepted it. I was lucky to have their trust at fifteen; most of the girls in my school were always under some kind of house arrest. I didn’t want to push my luck. Amber looked as if she might have dolls hanging by their necks in her room. I almost giggle now, imagining Mum and Dad’s face on meeting her. They weren’t very skilled at masking their feelings and the grump’s reaction would be brutal.
‘You seem happy.’ Amber grinned, and I shake my head. I wasn’t! All day today, I had looked at my watch dreading this moment. It felt like I was heading for the gallows, waiting for the trapdoor to open. The thought makes me zip my fleece up against the sudden cold chill winding round me. I can’t help but look behind us while Amber chatters, thinking of last night.
Waking up in the morning, without fresh air had made me feel sick, and the moment sunlight hit my room, I threw the window open. Immediately, the familiar cold chill is back, pressing on me, pushing me forward. I was definitely being watched.
