'Look, if you gentlemen will just leave me alone…'
The one on the right screwed up his face. 'Might it be a citizen of the Cities of the Plain?'
'Thought I smelled salt and brimstone.'
'Well, see here, young Zeboimite, if that you be, take care to guard your tongue in this place. If Eugene and Snowden get wind of you, you might end up skewered in a way you had not bargained on, or stuffed into a firkin and set out as salt meat.'
'Or both.'
The young man nodded. 'Yeah, I'll watch my step.'
'It would be wise.'
They left.
The young man's eyes smoldered. 'Rotten macho creeps…'
'The poem again, Eugene! Please!'
Eugene downed the rest of his muscatel. 'Oh, very well. But not the same poem. An improvisation from memory is your moron's oxymoron. No, I'll improv new lines, afresh. And on a new subject.'
'Bravo!'
'Hear, hear!'
Lord Snowden sat back and regarded the rafters.
Eugene mounted the table and drew his rapier. Putting one finger to his temple, he said, 'One moment, while I choose my rhymes.'
'Oh, brother,' the young man murmured, rolling his eyes.
'I have them,' Eugene said presently. 'Now to begin:
'_'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the ? ''
'Up yours!'
Silence. Everyone slowly turned to look at the source of the outburst.
Eugene cast an imperious eye in that direction. Pointing, he said, 'Who… is… that… man?'
'One of the Legate's catamites, we've surmised.'
'Does this creature have a name?' Eugene asked.
The young man shouted, 'Baron Lyndon of the castle!'
'Baron Lyndon of the cas ??' The wind spilled out of Eugene's sails. 'Uh… oh. Well, fine.'
'Eugene! You'd let the impertinent puppy live?'
'Forget it. Has a right to his opinion.'
Unbelieving looks were exchanged amongst the audience.
'The poem, then!'
'Yes, the new poem.'
'Where was I? Uh, yeah.
'_In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran ? ''
'Plagiarist! Throw the bum out!'
The crowd was outraged.
Lord Snowden stood. 'Who is that?'
'It's a perilous night, Snowy!'
'Hey, I know who that is.'
Someone shouted, 'Make mincemeat of him, Eugene!'
'Everyone out!' Eugene shouted.
'But, Eugene!'
'Leave him to us! Go on, get out. Come back later.'
'But Ragueneau's men ?'
'We'll meet you back here in an hour. Come on, guys, take a hike, okay?'
Grumbling, the troop of cavaliers left. Soon the tavern was empty but for the barkeep.
The two men advanced on the blond.
'Linda!' Gene whispered. 'What are you doing here in that ridiculous get-up?'
'They don't let women in bars here. Think I wanted to come in drag?'
'You know, men's beards are almost never blond.'
'Yeah, so I found out. Jeez, it was almost impossible to get close to you guys. I chased you all over town, from one dive to the other.'
'Well, we're on the Legate's poop roster, so we have to keep on the move. What's up? What the matter?'
'It's Melanie. She ?'
'Melanie? Who's that?'
'Melanie McDaniel, the new Guest ? at lunch? Remember?'
'Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry, go ahead.'
'She wandered into a wild portal and it closed up on her.'
'Damn. That's tough.'
'It was my fault. I let her out of my sight.'
'What were you doing in a wild area?'
'We weren't! The portal popped up in one of the safest parts of the castle.'
Gene clucked ruefully. 'Well, it's been known to happen. Even the stable areas aren't one hundred percent.'
'And it had to happen to Melanie. Gene, we've got to do something. That's why I took the chance of coming here. I had to talk to you. I feel so awful. What are we going to tell that poor girl's parents?'
'Would they believe us? Nah, best to say nothing.'
'But we have to do something.'
'Like what? You know how the castle works, Linda. Wild portals can lead anywhere, any universe, and not necessarily one listed in the books. No telling where she wound up. That portal might never open again.'
'Gene, we have to take the Sidewise Voyager out and search for her.'
Gene sat back and let air into his lace collar. 'Linda, that's going to be a problem, seeing as how the thing's wrecked.'
'But Dolbert and Luster say they can fix it.'
Gene laughed mirthlessly. 'Those two. They've been fiddling with it for months.'
'It's not an easy job.'
'I'll say. The thing needs parts. Where're they going to get 'em? That thing was built in a universe that I'm not sure even exists in the ordinary sense.'
'Dolbert has been building some parts from scratch in the castle smithy.'
'I dunno,' Gene said doubtfully.
'Jeremy says Dolbert's a mechanical genius.'
'Yeah, well, idiot savant he may be, but he's still an idiot. Besides, I wouldn't stake my life on Jeremy's judgment. He's somewhat of a cretin himself.'
'That's not fair. Jeremy's ?'
'Forget it. That's not the point. The point is travel in the Voyager is risky, even at best. What does Incarnadine say?'
Linda looked downcast. 'He's disappeared again.'
'He'd probably say the same thing.'
'Gene, please. I'll never forgive myself. Never. That poor girl is alone in a strange universe. She might be in danger right now. She might die, Gene.'
Gene let out a long sigh. 'Oh, well. Trouble is my business.'
