'I'm not that kind of girl.'
'Speaking of cured ham,' Bobby said, gently poking Velma's rear with his cane. 'Velma?'
'She has a wooden leg, only it's solid,' Carney said.
'Clare, seriously now,' Bobby said, 'when the hell are they going to let me out of this upholstered cesspool?'
'Bobby, you got me,' Tweel said, shrugging Velma. 'No, actually, the dengs got me. For keeps.'
'They really going to cash in your chips, huh? Well, take plenty of weenies to roast.'
'I think they roast other stuff down there,' Tweel said. 'What can I say, Bobby? There's nothing I can do.'
'They got half of the city council here. Any more and we'll have a quorum and send out for pizza.'
'It never was your town, Bobby.'
'Shit, I know that. But damn it, being the mayor should count for something.'
'Didn't you get to cut the ribbon when they opened the sewage treatment plant?'
'Oh, and I still have wet dreams about it, but I mean, seriously…'
'It's their town now, Bobby,' Tweel said, moving on.
'They can have it! Just let me go home and get a shower, f'crissake!' Bobby watched them walk away. 'I'm tellin' ya, it's murder. I'm going to refer the whole thing to my lawyer. He needs a good laugh.'
Whistling, twirling the cane, Speranza strolled off down the resplendent mirrored hallway.
'How'd he get elected, anyway?' Tweel said. 'I can't figure it.'
'Didn't you buy that last election?'
'Yeah, and I can't for the life of me figure out why.'
As they rounded a corner, a deng leaning against the damask wall straightened up and took a toothpick from his mouth.
'The Boss wants to see youse.'
'Tell Ashtaroth I have a date with him at midnight, not before.'
The deng smiled toothily. 'You don't got much time.' The smile drooped. 'Now. Drop the broad.'
'Drop dead,' Tweel said.
The deng looked at Carney. 'You too.'
'I'm otherwise engaged, thank you.'
'Come on. I wanchu to meet a guy.'
'Well, if youse insist. Who's this Ashtaroth anyway?'
'The Boss.'
'Come on,' Tweel said. 'He's commandeered my office.'
Tweel's office was an expanse of blue-and-gold deep-pile carpeting and red leather furniture. A well-dressed deng sat behind the polished walnut desk. His eyes were soot-black, his tie whiter than a sacramental host.
'Come in, boys,' Ashtaroth said, cigarette in hand.
Tweel laid Velma down on the couch.
'John, nice to see you,' the demon said, smiling.
Carney approached the desk. 'Have we met?'
The deng said, 'We have mutual friends. Can I get you a drink?'
'Yeah, as a matter of fact, before I stuff you back into the stinking hole you came from.'
'Is that any way to respond to an offer of hospitality?'
'Deng, your leathery ass is heather, and I got Heathcliffe revving up the combine.'
Ashtaroth puffed impassively. 'Really. You're pretty drunk.'
'Things are not what they seem. I want you and your minions out of here in one minute, starting now.'
Ashtaroth plucked the cigarette from his bloodless lips. 'Hey, who do you think you're talking to?'
Carney reached across the desk and grabbed a lapel, pulled the huge body forward and took the other lapel, brought the deng's face close to his. Sparks flew from the points of contact.
'WHO THE FUCK D'YOU THINK I'M TALKING TO, FUCK FACE? THE FUCKING WINDOW?'
Astonished at Carney's strength, the deng desperately tried to detach himself. Carney pushed him away and sent him tumbling over the executive leather chair.
The deng rose, slapping at the tiny flames that had sprung up on the lapels of his shiny gabardine suit. 'You're dead. I don't care what kinda hocus-pocus you got working, you are one dead cookie, pal.'
Carney lanced a finger at him. 'I want you out of here, out of this town, and down your hellhole, pronto, or you're going to regret it.'
The deng came around the desk and strode toward the door. 'Get bent. I take no orders from you. Okay, so we can't get no leverage this time, but we're taking him ? and there's nothing you can do about that. We got a contract!'
Ashtaroth left, slamming the door.
'You guys didn't seem to hit it off,' Tweel said.
'Chemistry, you know.'
'Yeah. Shit, what am I gonna do?' Tweel sat and passed a meaty hand through his shiny black hair.
'Now you worry. Twenty-four years ago you didn't worry so much.'
'What can I say? I was a fool. The power, the glory, the shining chrome on the pussywagons, it blinds you.'
'Oh, don't make me puke. You got a brain, why didn't you use it? You knew you couldn't win.'
Tweel held his head in his hands. 'I know, I know. Jesus Christ Almighty.'
'Too late for that stuff. Boy, you really got your tit caught in a wringer this time.'
'What can I say, Inky? I'm basically an asshole.'
'I'd say you were an anal opening of the first magnitude. An asshole's asshole. Not only that, you didn't R.S.V.P. Dorcas's invitation.'
'Shit, I forgot. Tell Mom I'm sorry, okay?'
'You tell her when you get back to Perilous.'
'That's a laugh.'
'Don't worry about it. They're only local demons.'
'Their Hell is one of the best in the omniverse, I hear. Exquisite refinements. Really, they are very good at what they do.'
'Hooray for them.'
'Uncle Inky, what the hell am I going to do?'
'I dunno. I gotta take a piss first, then…'
'Ah, enough of this puling,' Tweel rose. 'I want to see Helen before they take me.' He picked up Velma again easily.
Carney said, 'Is there a bathroom on the way?'
Helen was staring into the fire, empty wineglass in hand, when she heard the door open.
'John!'
'Hi, Helen. I need a drink or a place to pee, or both, in any order.'
She got up and hugged him. 'It's so good to see you.'
'Nice to see you. They drag you here?'
'Sort of. I wanted to come. I knew he was in trouble.'
'He's in a pile of trouble.'
'Is Velma okay?'
'Yeah, one ruby grape of Proserpine and she was out like a light.'
'Why are you here, John?'
'To save this jerk's butt.'
'Oh, John, can you do it?'
'I dunno. I feel it's possible.'
She looked up. 'John, there's something like faint flame dancing around your head.' She drew back from him. 'In fact, around your whole body.'
'Aura. You read auras?'
