The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

the silky folds of his beard where, amongst the ribbons and the luxuriant hair, something shiny seemed to be lodged. The Captain eventually prised it free. He held up a large nugget of metal. It gleamed white in the evening sun, and the pirate with a scarf whistled in admiration.

'Ruthenium!' said the albino pirate.

33 Ruthenium is one of the ultra-rare 'Platinum Group metals'. It has a melting point of 2250°C and a boiling point of 39oo0C, 44 protons, 44 electrons and 57 neutrons.

'Aaargh. That it is. Atomic number forty-four. Most valuable metal in the world.³³ Better than gold - and you know how highly I rate gold, so that's saying something.'

All the pirate crew cheered their Captain, and then they went downstairs to do some shantying.

And with that, the pirate boat sailed about for a bit.

Comprehension Exercise

Answer all questions to the best of your abilities

1. What do you think the themes of this book were? Several commentators have described the main theme as 'pirates'. Another theme might be said to be 'ham'. Would you agree?

2. Which do you think is more important to the Pirate Captain - ham, or his luxurious beard? If you had to choose which was more important to you, which one do you think you would pick?

3. On The Late Show, one of the critics, who has a face that looks like it's made of mallow, said to Germaine Greer, 'I wish there were more of Black Bellamy in The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists, he was the best character ever.' Would you agree with this assessment?

4- Apart from Brian Blessed, who do you think should play the Pirate Captain if they were ever to make a movie of this book?

5. Do you think the section in Chapter Five when the Pirate Captain forces several pirates to walk the plank is included to show that life at sea had a harsh edge to it? Or do you think the author has some other motives?

6. Choose the letter that best represents your feelings:

'Upon completion of The Pirates! In An Adven­ture With Scientists, I would describe my mood

as _.'

(A) angry (B) restless (C) excitable (D) sleepy (E) afraid

7. Scientifically speaking, who do you think the tallest pirate in the world is?

THANK YOU

WORDS TO KNOW:

lubber pirate starboard

ham sloop galley

_{ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS}

Firstly, to Richard Murkin, because this book is the product of us knocking about for the last ten years. Thanks also to Helen Garnons-Williams for her ace editing, Claire Paterson for her ace agenting and Caitlin Moran for actually sending it to Claire in the first place. I should mention that David Cordingly's Life among the Pirates and Bodenstandig 2000's Maxi German Rave Blast Hits Vol. 3 both came in very useful when I was writing this.

Plus (for a load of different reasons): my mum, Sam Brown, Chloe Brown, Rob Adey, Nicola Hughes, Dr Jack Button, Danny Garlick, Sherhan Lingham and Rebecca Andrews. And Ruth.

A surprisingly successful boat raid leads them to the young Charles Darwin, in desperate need of their help. And so the pirates set forth for London in a bid to save the scientist from the sinister scheming of an evil Bishop. There they encounter grisly murder, vanishing ladies, the Elephant Man - and have an exciting trip to the zoo. Now a major motion picture from Aardman Animations - featuring the voices of Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, Imelda Staunton and Brian Blessed -The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists is the least historically accurate book you'll read all year.

'A short, deliriously funny novel about incredibly stupid pirates and ham . . . I've had to grow a luxuriant beard to conceal the grin that's been compromising my dignity since I read it' Ardal O'Hanlon

'Very funny, very silly and highly original' Esquire

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Примечания

1

'Shanty' probably derives from the French word 'chanter' meaning to sing. Most shanties tended to be about frisky mermaids who loved putting out for sailors more than anyone.

2

It was Francis Drake who had first made the Spanish Main a popular target, back in 1571. A replica of his boat, the Golden Hind, can be found today next to London Bridge.

3

Captain Johnson's General History of the Pyrates tells us that most pirate ships had a set of Articles, by which the crew had to adhere. Article 3 states 'No person to game at cards or dice for money', so Black Bellamy is showing his maverick colours here.