“Yeah, well, here’s your chance to say, ‘Get out my way, you stupid son of a diseased camel.’ ”
Buck said something to the guy, but I didn’t hear the Arabic word “gamal,” which I knew.
Buck listened to the guy, then said to me, “He says he will provide security for us through these mountains to Ta’iz.” Buck added, “Five hundred dollars.”
“Tell him we’ll provide security for him. Six hundred dollars.”
“John-”
The guy said something, and Buck said to me, “He senses you are angry, and he believes you are insulting him.”
“Me?” I smiled at Captain Dammaj and said in a pleasant tone, “I’ll give you two minutes to get the hell out of our way.”
Buck, ever the diplomat, also smiled and said something to Captain Dammaj.
They chatted, maybe negotiating the deal.
Anyway, I’d really gotten myself worked up, maybe for no reason, and maybe I was being overly aggressive and making an annoying situation into a bad situation. But thinking back to what Buck had said in New York, the Yemenis didn’t like pussies. No girly men here. So I was just following Buck’s advice, though Buck didn’t seem happy with me.
Anyway, I could hear someone on my hand-held and I put it to my ear, and Buck did the same.
It was Brenner, who said, “What is going on there? John, I want you back here.”
Buck replied, “The officer in charge says this road is closed for security reasons. We’re trying to work out a deal. Over.”
Brenner said to me, “John, let Buck handle this.”
I replied, “Negative. Out.”
I could see that Kate had gotten out of her SUV and she was in a serious discussion with her friend Paul about something, maybe saying, “I told you John wasn’t a team player.” Or maybe she thought I was just trying to show her I was much cooler than Paul Brenner. That was totally not true. Well… maybe a little true.
Buck and Captain Dickhead exchanged a few more words, then Buck said to me, “He’ll take four hundred dollars-”
“Highway robbery. I know they get two bucks a man.”
Buck was looking a bit unsettled now, and he said to me sharply, “John, please calm down.” He told me, “The money is in the budget. It’s not your money, and you’re making this more difficult than it needs to be.”
“It’s not about the money, Buck. It’s about balls.” I reminded him, “You told me to be aggressive with these people.”
“No. I told you that if you look fearful, it invites aggression on their part.”
“Oh… did I get that wrong? Sorry about that.” I let Buck know, “We’re playing good cop, bad cop. I’m the bad cop. So you talk nice to this asshole and tell him I’m the boss and I’m being a prick, but I’ll agree to a hundred bucks.”
Buck seemed a bit frustrated with me, but he forced a smile and said something to Captain What’s-his- name.
As he spoke, I prompted him by saying, “Tell this clown the Yemeni government should be kissing our asses for being here.”
Buck interrupted his conversation with the captain and said to me, “John, shut up.”
“Okay.” I don’t think I’d make a good diplomat.
Finally, Buck turned to me and said, “Two hundred. That’s as low as he’ll go.” He reminded me, “In Yemen, it’s all about the deal. This man needs to save face now. And we’re not exactly bargaining from strength, and we don’t want to go back to Yarim, so I’m giving him two hundred dollars and we’ll be on our way.”
“Until the next shakedown.”
Buck said something to Captain Dammaj, who replied, and Buck said to me, “He’ll give us… let’s call it a laissez-passer, in diplomatic language. A written pass to Aden.”
Sounded like bullshit to me, but Buck was getting stressed, and the police were finished urinating in public, and they were getting restless, plus Brenner was totally pissed off, and Kate looked worried. Or pissed at me. Also, she was unveiled, and these clowns were giving her the eye. So… I said to Buck, “All right.”
Buck said something to Captain Dammaj, who nodded and smiled at me.
I asked Buck, “Do I hug him?”
“Just shake hands.”
So I extended my hand to Captain Dammaj, we shook, and I smiled and said to him, “You’re a thief.”
He smiled in return and said something that Buck translated as, “You are a brave man and a hard negotiator.”
I don’t know if Dammaj really said that-maybe he said, “You’re a total asshole and you eat goat shit”-but Buck was intent on smoothing things over.
Buck got on his radio and said, “We’ll be on our way in a few minutes.”
Captain Dammaj walked to one of the trucks, I guess to write a pass or something.
Buck said to me, “I could have handled this without your help.”
“I made it fun.”
Captain Dammaj returned with a piece of paper, and he and Buck exchanged the pass and the money. As Buck was reading the pass, I asked him, “Did he sign it Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves?”
Captain Dammaj smiled and said to me, in English, “You are not so funny.”
Whoops.
Buck almost dropped his laissez-passer.
Captain Dammaj said to both of us, “Be very careful on the road. And have a pleasant stay at the Sheraton.”
“And you have a nice day,” I said.
Before he turned to walk off, he said to me, “Go fuck yourself.”
Buck looked at me, but he seemed at a loss for words.
On the walk back to the Land Cruisers, I asked Buck, “Do you think there really is a security problem ahead?”
Buck replied, “We’ll find out soon enough.”
We got to the lead Land Cruiser where Brenner and Kate were standing. Brenner, showing a lot of restraint, said to me, “I appreciate your initiative, but it’s Buck’s job to handle these situations.”
I didn’t respond to that and kept walking.
Kate caught up to me and asked, “What is wrong with you?”
Sounded like a rhetorical question, so I didn’t answer, but I said, “You were told to stay in the vehicle. Follow orders.”
“Me? How about you?”
“I don’t take orders from Paul Brenner.”
She didn’t reply to that, but said, “I’ll see you later,” and kept walking.
I got in my Land Cruiser, and Mike asked, “How much?”
“Two hundred.”
“That’s about right.”
Clare asked, “Is everything okay?”
“We’re good to go.”
The police truck that was blocking the left lane moved over, and Brenner’s lead vehicle pulled out and led the way for the Land Cruisers to pass the stopped trucks.
I looked in my sideview mirror and saw that the police trucks were doing a U-turn. We were on our own.
Within a few minutes we were clipping along and the police convoy was out of sight.
About twenty minutes later, we were on a steep upgrade, and the road narrowed and turned through a mountain pass.
Brenner got on the radio and said, “Niner-niner”-meaning all personnel-“it gets interesting here. Spread out, but keep the vehicle in front of you in sight.” He added, “Stay alert.”
Goes without saying, Paul. But I wasn’t worried. We had a pass from Captain Dammaj.
