Stone Junction

Dredneau said, ‘Igor only recognizes his name and a small number of commands, but he is extremely sensitive to any feelings of rejection, hostility, and – No!’ he barked, as the director offered his hand to Igor. ‘I don’t allow him to shake hands. He has no conception of his strength. I’ve seen him turn a baseball into a frisbee.’

Keyes laughed nervously. ‘Did you make him yourself or rent him from Hollywood?’

The director said quickly, ‘Hell, he looks real sharp to me.’

Dredneau smiled. ‘I’m sure you appreciate the relativity of intelligence’ – again glancing at Keyes.

Keyes said, ‘Perhaps we could discuss your friend’s infirmities sometime later and turn our attention to the investigation, which is already solidly underway.’

Igor began slapping his buttocks with his massive hands.

‘No!’ Dredneau commanded.

Igor immediately quit.

‘Jesus, what was that all about?’ the director said.

‘I’ve taught Igor to communicate his feelings to me through the use of gesture. He thinks Mr Keyes here is a rectum.’ Dredneau smiled at the director. ‘I believe you were sharing a similar perception as we arrived.’

Keyes took a step toward Dredneau and Igor took a step toward Keyes.

‘Stop!’ Dredneau ordered. They did. ‘Enough playful banter, even if it does mitigate a serious situation. To work, gentlemen, and my work is information and deduction. First, some information. Besides its obvious value as a gem, what is this diamond’s importance?’

‘The fact is,’ the director said, ‘we don’t know. We brought it here for tests. The diamond is perfectly spherical but, as far as we could determine, uncut or unworked in any way. And our scientists say the probability of natural occurrence is infinitesimal.’

Gazing upward as if into space, Dredneau said, ‘Have you entertained the possibility it might be from another part of the universe?’

‘Of course,’ Keyes said derisively. ‘Only an inhuman intelligence could have circumvented the security.’

Dredneau, still gazing upward, said softly, ‘You’re wrong of course, Mr Keyes.’ He pointed at a faint circle on the vault ceiling. ‘A member of an alien species with an advanced technology would not have found it necessary to hang from the ceiling on what appears to have been a common toilet plunger.’

‘Horseshit,’ Keyes said.

Dredneau ignored him. ‘Only two elements of this case truly interest me. The first, obviously, is the practical question of how our thief managed to open the vault door without sounding an alarm.’

‘We’re waiting,’ Keyes interrupted.

Dredneau continued to ignore him. ‘The second question is philosophical.’ Dredneau swept his arm grandly around the vault walls stacked with gold bars. ‘What sort of man, upon entering a vault full of gold, would have the presence to see beyond it?’

‘Yes indeed,’ Keyes said with mocking joviality, ‘that sure is some fascinating speculation, but we’re more concerned with things like who is the thief.’

Dredneau said wearily, ‘I’ve already deduced that.’

‘Good God, man,’ the director said, ‘tell us!’

‘He’s jacking us off, sir,’ Keyes said.

‘The thief ’s name’ – Dredneau paused – ‘is Isaiah Kharome. He was, and perhaps still is, driving a camper truck of some sort, posing as an itinerant preacher and the publisher of obscure religious tracts, but apparently affiliated with some ancient magical cult.’

Keyes said, ‘Just prestoed it right out of here, huh?’

‘Send it,’ the director ordered Keyes.

‘Sir,’ Keyes appealed, ‘you’re kidding?’

‘Now.’

Keyes turned to Dredneau. ‘How can you look at some dim circle on the ceiling here and not only detect it was left by a toilet plunger, but deduce the identity and disguise of the thief?’

‘Because I’m a genius,’ Dredneau said. ‘And now, I must refresh my faculties. If you find him, please notify me immediately at the Turquoise Hilton in Albuquerque, the only decent accommodations in miles. In the meantime, please send me a detailed outline of the security arrangements, as well as the vault blueprints. I’ll be available for further consultation. Good day, gentlemen.’ He turned on his heel and headed out the door, pausing to collect Igor.

Keyes said to the director, ‘You don’t really want me to put that Isaiah Kharome camper-truck bullshit on the wire, do you? Everybody looking for a phantom of Dredneau’s vanity?’

The director exploded, ‘Goddammit, yes! Send it. I’m not going to tangle assholes with the president over this. If you don’t like it, Mr Keyes – well, you fucked it up, you fix it.’

Melvin Keyes made three calls. The first was to issue the agency-only bulletin on Isaiah Kharome. Then he rang his staff assistant for complete record checks on Isaiah Kharome and Paul-Paul Dredneau, further instructing him to deliver the security system schematics to Dredneau, and to tell Dredneau a Seabrooke representative would be arriving within the day. The third call was to Gurry Debritto in California.

‘Yes?’ Debritto answered.