‘It’s not,’ he assured her.
Even though Daniel left by his private exit and went around the back, he still couldn’t get away. He had to cross a long, terraced patio thronged with people. Just below them, on the beach itself, a nude coed volleyball game was in progress. That stopped him. In the intense, late-October light, every naked body seemed young, tanned, perfect, and doomed to perish.
‘Sweet Jesus,’ Bad Bobby suddenly groaned beside him, ‘stark-naked volleyball. Seems California just gets stranger and weirder every time I pass through.’
‘I’m going for a walk,’ Daniel said. ‘If it’s all right with you, of course.’
Bad Bobby looked out toward the horizon. ‘I made me a deal with the ocean when I was a scrawny little twelve-year-old cracker-ass kid – no folks, no kin, nowhere. I’d scraped my way down to the Gulf because I’d heard about the ocean, but I’d never seen it; and I wanted to see it real bad. And I stood there gawking at it, water as far as I could see, and I said real fast, “Ocean, let’s work out a deal. If you don’t fuck with me, I won’t fuck with you.”’
‘Sounds fair,’ Daniel said. He took a step to leave.
‘Goddamn, Daniel!’ Bobby boomed, stopping him. ‘Don’t matter how big a snit you’re in, it’s piss-poor manners to be holding a bottle of whiskey in your hand and not offer a thirsty man a drink.’
Momentarily disconcerted, Daniel remembered he had a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in his hand. ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, offering the bottle.
Bad Bobby unscrewed the cap and lifted the bottle: ‘May you get ’em when you need ’em, and sometimes when you don’t.’ He took a long swig.
Daniel nodded to acknowledge the toast. He realized he was tired of looking at Bad Bobby, tired of his voice, his strong and constant presence.
Bad Bobby handed the bottle back. ‘There’s a hell of a card game shaping up inside. If you need to find me, start looking there.’ He turned and walked away.
Daniel fumed as he walked down the beach. ‘He’s
Heading up the beach, he was forced to admit that Bad Bobby was simply sharper – more experienced, more aware, more determined – and Daniel arrived at the understanding that if he played cards heads-up with him, Bad Bobby would hand him his ass. The understanding didn’t cheer him up.
When he was out of sight and sound of the party, Daniel sat against a wave-smoothed drift log and drank slowly and steadily. He watched the ocean, each wave driving him deeper into depression. Even the fiery sunset seemed bleak. He felt like he was trapped inside himself, a ragged rat in a maze.
He stood up shakily and took off his clothes, the night air balmy against his skin. He waded out in the creaming surf and dove into an oncoming wave. As he felt himself tumbled in its force, his depression vanished. He swam out till nearly exhausted and then floated on his back, watching the stars, giving himself to their vast indifference. It was exactly what he’d been missing – stars, rock, water, wind. For over a year he’d been living sealed in smoky rooms, perfumed suites, and moving cars; rootless, wired to the action, tightened down to the turn of a card. Too small, too narrow. It wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to expand, to roar. He wanted to be a furnace of light.
Every clear night at Nameless Lake Wild Bill had spent at least half an hour staring at the night sky. When Daniel had asked him if it was some sort of meditation he was doing, Wild Bill had claimed that the stars were actually alchemists’ forges and he just found it reassuring to see so many souls at work.
Floating, Daniel tried to see the stars through Wild Bill’s eyes, but couldn’t. He tried to imagine he was the first primitive man who’d ever looked up and beheld them. With an oblique leap, he thought of a warm autumn afternoon when Johnny Seven Moons had showed him how to play Indian stick gambling. Stick gambling was clean and simple. Which hand held the stick. Left or right; right or wrong. Pure intuition, the grace of guessing. Daniel smiled at the starry heavens. He had his game. It eliminated Bad Bobby’s major edge in cards, his years of experience. Daniel doubted if Bad Bobby, despite that experience, had even
Daniel swam back in slowly, riding the waves, then sat on his log drying off. He felt fresh, happy, confident – an actual sea change. He could see the lights from the party far down the beach. He decided not to go back. Scooping a hollow against the log and rolling his clothes into a pillow, he curled up and in moments fell asleep.
He dreamed for the first time since the explosion.
A card was dealt to him face down across the green felt table. He flipped it over. The jack of hearts, the knave, the hook, the sweet bastard himself. He focused on the image. It was Guido’s face. He turned the card upside down. Now it was Bobby’s face. He ripped the card in half.
Another was dealt immediately, skimming face down across the felt. Slowly, he turned it over. The jack of hearts. He ripped it in half.
Another was dealt. Jack of hearts. He tore it in two.
And another, and another, and another, the invisible dealer sending them as fast as Daniel ripped them up.
The next card he turned over was blank. Stunned, he stared at the glossy white surface. A bird cried. He touched the card. It turned into a window. He strained to see through it but he was looking into an empty sky.
He touched the glass, and when he lifted his finger he saw a black stone hurtling toward him. But as he watched, entranced, he saw it wasn’t a stone at all, it was a bird, a raven, and it had a small, brilliant object clasped in its beak, a spherical bauble of some kind, a glass bead, but no, it was too brilliant, too clear. A diamond, a slender spiral flame burning in its center, and then the bird hit the window and it froze into a mirror and he heard his mother scream, ‘Run, Daniel, run,’ but there was nothing he could do, he was falling toward the mirror. He curled into a ball to protect himself, then changed his mind, opened himself, arms spread wide; the instant before he hit the mirror he saw it was empty.
The mirror shattered into a million diamond splinters and Daniel floated on his back in the moonlit water, watching the darkness and the stars.
