go back to school, everyone will stare at me too.’ She lowered her eyes and he felt the shame wash off her in waves. ‘They’ll look at me as if I deserved it. Tom Parker invited me to his house and I went, so how can anything be his fault?’ She pushed a handful of hair from her face. ‘That doesn’t even make any sense.’
He wanted her to stop talking. He felt a rising panic that if she didn’t stop right now, she was going to go on and on for ever. Maybe she’d even talk about the night it happened. He couldn’t bear to listen to that again.
‘I’m going to get him for you,’ he said. It came out loud and sounded very certain.
‘You are?’
‘Yeah.’
It was strange how words meant something when they came out of your mouth. Inside your head they were safe and silent, but once they were outside, people grabbed hold of them.
She sat up. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘I’m going to go to his house and smash his head in.’
Karyn pressed the flat of her hand against her forehead as if the thought of it gave her a headache. ‘You’ll never get away with it.’
But Mikey could tell by the sudden glow in her eyes that she wanted him to do this for her. He hadn’t done it and he should have done it. And if he did it, then she could stop hurting.
There was a bloke on the estate no one messed with. He’d got his son’s moped back when some kids nicked it. He knew people who knew people. That was the kind of man everyone admired. If you tried to hurt him, you’d bounce off. Mikey had never battered anyone before, but the thought of that bloke made him feel stronger. He stood up, certain of his plan. He’d go alone this time, take gloves and wear a hoodie. If he didn’t leave fingerprints, he’d get away with it.
He went to the kitchen and dragged the tool box out from under the sink. Just holding the spanner made him feel better – there was something about how heavy it was, how definite it felt to hold it in his hand. The feelings went into the object. He felt positively cheerful as he put on his jacket, rammed the spanner into his pocket and did up his zip.
Karyn looked at him, her eyes shining. ‘You’re seriously going to get him?’
‘Yep.’
‘And you’re seriously going to hurt him?’
‘I said so, didn’t I?’
And that’s when Mum staggered in, fag in hand, shielding her eyes like everything was too bright.
Holly was jumping up and down behind her. ‘Look!’ she cried. ‘Mum’s awake. She’s actually downstairs.’
‘Reporting for duty,’ Mum said.
It was like watching someone come up from a dive. She had to remember who she was, that she really did live here, that today was the bail hearing and this family really did need to get their act together.
Holly cleared a place for her on the sofa, then sat on her lap and rubbed noses with her. ‘Do I have to go to school? Can I spend the day with you instead?’
‘Course you can.’
‘No!’ Mikey said. ‘Karyn’s cop’s coming round, remember?’
Mum frowned. ‘Is she, why?’
‘Because that’s what she does.’
‘I don’t want her to come any more,’ Karyn said. ‘She asks stupid questions.’
‘Well, she’s coming anyway,’ Mikey snapped, ‘so Holly can’t be here, can she? You want a cop to notice she’s not in school?’
Light dawned on his mother’s face. She looked around the lounge and over to the kitchen. Both rooms were a mess – the table covered in junk, unwashed plates and saucepans in the sink.
‘You’ve got about an hour,’ Mikey told her.
She glared at him. ‘You think I don’t know that?’
Holly put the TV back on at top volume and music crashed around them.
‘Turn it off,’ Mikey yelled. It would send their mum back to bed. But Holly ignored him so he unplugged it.
Mum rubbed her face over and over. ‘Make me a coffee, Mikey.’
‘After this smoke I’ll wash up,’ Mum said. She took another puff on her cigarette, then looked right at him in that way she sometimes did, as if she could see right inside him. ‘You look tired.’
‘Looking after you lot, that’s why.’
‘Where were you last night?’
‘Out and about.’
‘Were you with that new girlfriend? Sarah, is it?’
‘Sienna.’
‘That was the last one.’
‘No, that was Shannon.’
Holly laughed long and loud. ‘You’re so
In his pocket the spanner hummed. He handed Mum her coffee. ‘I have to go now.’
‘Go where?’
‘I’ve got business.’
She scowled at him. ‘I don’t want you looking for trouble.’
She was a bit clever like that. You thought she was hung-over and wouldn’t notice stuff, but she often did.
‘I mean it,’ she said. ‘Keep your nose out. We don’t need any more hassle.’
But all he said was, ‘I’m going.’
‘What about Holly? She can’t walk to school on her own.’
‘Then you’ll have to take her. That’s what parents are for, isn’t it?’
She shook her head at him. ‘You know what’s wrong with you, Mikey?’
‘No, Mum, but I bet you’re about to tell me.’
She took up her fag, knocked off the ash and took a last deep drag, blowing the smoke right at him. ‘You’re not as tough as you think you are.’
Two
Down the stairs, two at a time. Past graffiti walls – AIMEE IS A SLAPPER, LAUREN SUCKS FOR FREE, CALL TOBY IF YOU WANT HOT SEX – and out the main doors into the street. Mikey swung a left, avoiding the takeaway wrappers and beer cans strewn round the bus shelter, dodging two old blokes with their shopping trolleys taking up all the room on the pavement, and started to run. Away from the estate, past the crowd of kids outside Ajay’s with their breakfasts of crisps and Coke, past the butcher’s and the card shop, towards the high street.
The sky was flat and grey. The air smelled of diesel and fish. He ran through the market. The stalls were going up, the crazy colours of the fruit and vegetables all chucked together. The usual group of lads hung about on the benches. He ran past a girl with a pram, a woman counting her change outside Lidl, an old man with a walking stick, an old woman clutching his arm, both tiny and hunched.
He was going to keep running until he got there. He was going to mash Tom Parker. Tom Parker would never grow old.
At the traffic lights, a bloke leaned out of his car window and whistled at a girl. ‘Smile for me, baby.’
The girl gave the bloke the finger, then saw Mikey and waved. ‘Hiya, Mikey.’
He jogged on the spot as she crossed the road towards him. ‘Hey, Sienna. I can’t talk now.’
She pressed herself close, gave him a quick kiss. ‘You’re all sweaty.’
‘I was running.’
‘Away from me?’
He shrugged as if that was too complicated to understand. ‘I need to go.’
She crossed her arms and frowned at him. ‘Will I see you later?’
