‘I dunno.’
‘Well don’t.’
‘All right, Tom, just chill!’
‘Ellie!’ Mum turned in her seat.
‘All I did was smile at him!’
‘Well don’t.’
Ellie slumped back down. She wished she was old. She’d swap her life to be in a life that was nearly over, so long as she didn’t have to be here.
They’d made her wear the skirt and blouse she’d got for Granddad’s funeral. The skirt was black nylon and stuck to her tights with static electricity. The blouse was dark grey. She’d studied herself in the hall mirror before getting into the car.
‘I look like a nun.’
‘You look perfect,’ her mother had said.
They wanted holy. Not red-hot nail varnish, purple lipstick and a flaming orange mini-skirt stretched tight around the thighs. Those were not good girl’s clothes.
Tom suddenly sat upright. ‘Who are all those people?’
A small crowd walked through the gate. Nine or ten teenagers heading for the main door.
‘Are they here for us?’ His voice was edged with panic.
Ellie pressed her nose against the window. The little crowd had stopped at the bottom of the main steps. One of the girls looked at her mobile. Two of the boys sat down.
‘The doors aren’t open yet,’ Ellie said. ‘They can’t go in.’
Tom peered past her. ‘That girl in the blue coat,’ he said, ‘I know her from college. And the one next to her!’
He was panicking properly now. He looked desperate and hot and he didn’t seem to care if they all saw him like this. Ellie tried to think of words that would help, but all she could think of were tight, angry words like
‘Don’t let yourself be intimidated by that mob,’ Dad said. ‘Come on, Tom, pull yourself together.’
Ellie felt a strange calm descend. If Tom couldn’t cope, then maybe they could go home. Perhaps he’d actually go insane and they’d call an ambulance and then her and Mum and Dad could go for coffee and cake somewhere lovely and forget all about him. Tom took several deep breaths and blew them out again as if he was blowing smoke rings. Maybe he’d hyperventilate. Could you die from that?
‘Why are they even here?’ Tom said. ‘Why would they bother?’
‘I don’t know,’ Dad said. ‘It’s madness. Anyone can come to a public hearing, but what that rabble hope to get out of it, I don’t know.’
Anyone could come? Why the hell hadn’t he mentioned that before? He said it was going to be boring, purely procedural, just barristers shuffling paperwork, over in an hour.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she said. ‘Why didn’t you say it’s a public hearing?’
Her dad swung round in his seat. ‘I didn’t think it was relevant, Eleanor, so don’t you start getting hysterical. The chances of anyone turning up were almost zero.’
‘Look,’ Tom hissed. ‘I know her as well.’ Another group had come through the gate and he stabbed a finger at the window. ‘She was at the house that night. She’s Karyn’s mate. Is she even allowed to be here?’
It was Stacey Clarke. She walked right past the car, so close her coat brushed the front bumper. She was with her friend from the day of the fight and a couple of other girls from school. They joined the first lot on the steps and they all stood there together. It felt like drumming under Ellie’s skin.
She clawed at the back of her mother’s seat. ‘I’m not going in. I can’t.’
But before her mother could respond, someone tapped on the window.
‘Barry,’ Dad said. ‘About bloody time.’
Ellie had met the solicitor once before. He was short and blond and younger than her father. This morning he’d gelled his hair back in a school-boy slick and was wearing a suit and tie. He didn’t look as if he could save them.
‘Can I hop in?’ he said.
He got in the back, squashing Ellie into the middle between him and Tom.
‘How are we doing?’ Barry said.
‘Fighting fit,’ Dad blustered. ‘We just want to get on with it now.’
‘There are a lot of people here that Tom knows,’ Mum said. ‘We wondered why.’
Barry dismissed the crowd on the steps with a wave of his hand. ‘Ah, I wouldn’t read too much into that. People often think formal hearings will be more interesting than they are. They’ll be bored to tears in five minutes.’
Dad turned round in the front seat and smiled at Tom. ‘You hear that? You simply need to put a legal slant on it. It helps to see through a solicitor’s eyes, eh?’
Tom nodded, but he looked pale and shaken and his eyes were still locked on the crowd at the steps.
‘It’ll probably work in your favour,’ Barry said. ‘The very undramatic procedure will put them all off, so they won’t bother turning up for the big one.’
He launched into a little speech then. He sounded cheery and certain as he wittered on about prosecution statements and lists of evidence and how a trial date would be set for about three months’ time. The barrister was inside, he told them, talking to the judge in his chambers. Ellie imagined them both wearing dressing gowns and slippers and smoking cigars. There would be wigs on a stand and a lollopy dog on a rug.
‘Right,’ Barry said, ‘I think that’s everything. So, are we ready?’
They had to get out of the car and into the glare of the sun that splashed across the car park, they had to walk past the crowd and up the steps.
Tom ran a hand across his head, backwards and forwards. ‘This is it,’ he said. ‘This is actually it.’
‘Yep,’ Dad said.
Barry nodded.
Mum turned round in her seat. ‘Soon be over.’
But her eyes were a tired shade of blue and she didn’t sound convinced.
Ellie wanted rain as she got out of the car. She wanted a low charcoal sky with great dark clouds blotting out the sun and thunder rumbling low above the court house. Instead, the sky was blue with a few drifting clouds the colour of old piano keys. She felt a weight settle on her shoulders and the back of her neck.
Barry marched ahead with Tom and Dad, as if hurrying would solve anything. Ellie and her mum followed a few paces behind. Ellie touched her mother’s sleeve to slow her down. ‘I’m scared.’
Mum put an arm round her and held her close. Ellie wanted her to say,
But she said, ‘Try not to let them bother you. Come on, love, Tom needs us.’
Then she took her arm away, tilted her chin at the crowd and kept right on walking towards them.
In that moment, Ellie realized no one could help her, because every member of her family had to save their strength and resolve for themselves. They were all alone in this, like four separate islands following Barry across the car park.
She felt self-conscious, as if her legs were spindles, as if her clothes were being judged, as if her body wasn’t coordinated. She slowed right down, hyper-aware of every movement, every glance, every word from the group of teenagers on the steps. They had an alert energy, as if they were ready to leap. They whispered behind hands, unblinking, nudging each other. Ellie could imagine what they were saying.