‘So we leave him standing on the doorstep, do we?’ Her mother’s lips were trembling as she knocked the last of the wine back. ‘Go on, go away if you’re not going to answer the door. And don’t bother coming back until you’ve learned to control yourself.’
Ellie’s breath came hot and quick as she ran across the lawn. She felt like she had a fever, like that time she had tonsillitis. Perhaps she was sick, properly sick, in her body as well as her head. Maybe this is what a nervous breakdown felt like – feelings spilling out of you. She sat on the bench under the walnut tree fighting back tears.
There was a boy in her school called Flynn whose parents had been woken by the police at three in the morning and told that their son had been arrested. They said there must be a mistake, he’s safe in his bed. But when they checked, he was gone. He’d climbed out of his window and gone tagging. He was caught with spray cans and a load of weed in his coat pocket.
Parents don’t know their children at all.
No one knows anyone, in fact. Her brother could be a rapist. Mikey could be a hero.
It was raining heavily now, splattering off the leaves above her. Even the grass, dark blue in the half-light, looked like water rippling. She pulled her knees up and hugged them, closed her eyes and tried to think of nothing.
It was only a few minutes later when Barry appeared on the lawn.
‘Mind if I join you?’ he said.
He had her mother’s little fold-up umbrella, which he closed when he reached the shelter of the tree.
‘I was given special permission to smoke in the house, but I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. You OK if I smoke here?’
Ellie nodded, too stunned to say anything. He pulled a pack of Silk Cut and a Zippo from his coat pocket and sat beside her. He lit up, and together they watched the smoke curl away into the rain. Ellie’s heart was beating fast.
‘I’ve just been talking to your mum,’ he said, ‘and she thought it might be a good idea for me to have a little chat with you about the court case.’
Hadn’t Mum told Ellie to shut up and stay away? And now she’d sent the lawyer out to talk to her. What the hell was that about?
He said, ‘I think the most important thing to remember, Ellie, is that you’re the expert. You were the only other person in the house when the alleged assault occurred, so you already know all the answers to any questions you’ll be asked in court. That might be a useful way of looking at it, don’t you think?’
She shrugged. She didn’t want to hear how easy it was going to be, or how she simply needed to stick to the truth. Those things wouldn’t help her at all.
‘What about if I fill you in on procedure a little bit?’ He tossed his fag end across the grass and twisted himself round to see her better, taking her silence as consent. He talked about her statement, which would be read out in court, about the witness box and how she’d have to stand in it, about the barrister and all the very easy questions he’d ask – who came back to the house, what time she went to bed, if she heard any noises in the night. As he spoke, his face faded to darkness as the sky got gloomier and the rain fell more heavily around them. It was like hearing someone talk through a fish tank. He said, ‘You simply have to repeat what you said in your statement, that you heard and saw nothing suspicious. That seems pretty straightforward. You think you can manage that?’
At the other end of the garden, through the window, she could see her father in the kitchen. He was standing by the sink looking out and his mouth was moving, like someone on TV with the sound turned down. Her mum was behind him with a pacifying hand on his shoulder. If Ellie was close enough, she’d be able to see the alarm in her mother’s eyes, her desperate need to make everything all right.
She thought she’d sorted it. She thought Ellie’s words were a temporary blip, that she merely needed a talk with a professional and everything would be fine.
‘It’s hard for you,’ Barry said, ‘we all see that, but it’s important for your brother that you help him. No one else can help him as much as you can.’
He was fiddling with his Zippo, running it up and down his trouser leg so that the little lid at the top opened, then shut again.
Ellie felt strangely calm as she turned to him. ‘I told Tom that Karyn was only fifteen.’
To her surprise, Barry smiled. ‘Is that what’s been bothering you – that Karyn wasn’t old enough to give consent?’
‘He’s going around saying he thought she was sixteen.’
Barry’s face fell into something she recognized from her father when he wanted to explain a concept she might find particularly complicated. ‘Ellie, people often forget things they’re told, especially when it’s late at night, or they’ve been drinking. It was noisy, the music was loud, it’s not impossible he didn’t even hear you.’
‘He definitely did.’
‘Well, he clearly has no recollection, so I think we can safely rule it out as a piece of evidence.’
‘You mean, let’s pretend I never said it?’
‘It wouldn’t stand up in court, Ellie. You’d get a grilling from the prosecution for no reason. Tom would simply say he didn’t remember you telling him, and anyway, unless Karyn can prove he forced himself on her the age difference is so small between them it becomes immaterial.’
There was something in his eyes, a way of looking at her blankly through a smile, as if he was adapting what she said to suit him. She hated him suddenly.
‘Karyn was really drunk,’ she said. ‘She was so drunk that when the boys carried her upstairs between them, she couldn’t even speak. Did Tom tell you that?’
The solicitor frowned. ‘Carried her?’
‘And shoved her on Tom’s bed.’
‘Do you mean the other witnesses, Freddie and James?’
‘Yeah, them. James had the stick that opens the blinds and was lifting her skirt up with it. She was completely trashed and the three of them stood around laughing and taking pictures of her on their phones.’ Ellie’s voice sounded loud – the rain didn’t dampen it, but made it ring clear. She wondered if she could be heard from the house. ‘I told them to leave her alone.’
She felt Barry tense beside her. He leaned forward and stared down at the grass, as if something amazing had appeared there.
‘Freddie and James went home, but Karyn was too drunk to move, so we left her on the bed and Tom went downstairs to sleep on the sofa.’
She wanted Barry to react. She stared at him, willing him to understand that Karyn couldn’t possibly have consented to what happened next. But instead, he turned to her, a tight smile on his face.
‘This is obviously quite an awkward situation for me,’ he said, ‘so I’m going to stop you there.’ He stood up, hands in pockets, a shadow between her and the house. ‘I don’t want to be getting information from you that could compromise your brother’s position.’
‘So I can’t talk to you?’
‘Why, was there something else?’
Her hands on her lap were startling, not quite her own, lying there so passive while her head was whirling.
‘There’s a lot more.’
‘Ellie, you told the police you saw and heard nothing all night.’
‘I didn’t want to get my brother into trouble.’
He sighed deeply. ‘Then I suggest you seek legal advice.’
‘You mean get my own lawyer?’
‘I think that would be a good idea.’
‘But you asked me to talk to you. You came out here and asked me questions.’
‘I’m your brother’s solicitor and I can’t get into any situation where it looks as if I may have advised you.’
‘So, you’re not going to do anything?’
‘I’m going to talk to your brother. Then I’m going to advise the barrister we don’t call you as a witness.’
