You Against Me

‘I do like you. Blame me if you want, tell me I’m a total tosser, but don’t tell me I don’t like you. I really like you, Ellie.’

She smiled, a small glimmer of warmth. ‘Liar.’

‘Truth.’

She sank to the grass. ‘Are they going to arrest me?’

‘I don’t know. They probably just want to talk to you.’

She buried her face in her knees. He went and sat next to her, stroked her hair, wanted her to know he was sorry.

‘Don’t.’

‘Please, Ellie.’

‘No.’ She pushed him away. ‘I’m thinking. Leave me alone.’

Above them, the trees were beginning to do their thing. All the leaves looked like mouths about to open.

‘I’ve got Jacko’s car,’ he said. ‘I could drive us somewhere.’

She didn’t say anything.

‘We could disappear.’ It was a brilliant idea. The shit would hit the fan later – with Karyn, Mum, just about everyone in fact, and Jacko would be pissed off about the car – but it would make today easier. ‘We could hide out at your grandparents’ place.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘I’ve got money. We can buy food, loads of it, and go and live there for a while.’

‘No.’

‘Think about it, Ellie – just until the worst is over.’

‘Are you insane?’ She took her hands away from her face. ‘It isn’t going to be over, don’t you get it? Someone’s family’s going to be ruined – yours or mine, that’s the choice. We can’t run away. This is real life, Mikey!’

She sounded like she was talking to a kid, or someone stupid from another planet. He hated that.

She lay back on the grass and covered her face with her arm. He got out his tobacco, made a rollie and lay next to her. They were quiet for ages. He wondered if she was coming up with some clever plan, or maybe she was considering the running-away idea. It’d be good holing up in that cottage. They could stay there for weeks, making fires, talking, touching.

When he’d finished smoking, he nudged her with his elbow, very gently. ‘How you doing?’

‘My bones hurt.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘And everything’s gone very bright and light, like I’m floating.’

‘Maybe you’re in shock.’

He leaned over and kissed her neck.

‘Don’t,’ she said.

‘Don’t what?’

‘Don’t do that.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because we only met six times and now it’s over.’

‘Seven, and it’s not over.’

She looked at him desperately. ‘I don’t want it to end.’

‘Neither do I.’ He took her hand. ‘I’m sorry I told Karyn. I completely fucked up. But it doesn’t have to end.’

She blinked at him. ‘I think it does.’

He leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose. Very softly. Three times. She didn’t stop him. He rolled her onto him and held her there. She gave him her weight, tucked her chin into his neck, so they were warm and tangled. It was sunny, maybe the warmest day of the year so far. Shadows lengthened across the grass as Monday lunchtime turned into Monday afternoon.

‘What will they do to me?’ she said eventually.

‘Talk to you, that’s all.’

‘Where?’

‘At the police station.’

‘What will I tell them?’

‘The truth.’

‘I want to speak to my mum.’ She rolled off, picked up her coat and bag. ‘My dad won’t be home from work yet.’

‘I’ll take you.’

‘No, I’ll walk. I need time to get used to the idea.’

‘Ellie, you don’t have to do this by yourself.’

She smiled wearily at him. ‘Go back to work, Mikey, I don’t want you to lose your job as well. I’ll walk along the river, so no one sees me. Don’t worry, I can follow it all the way home.’

He walked with her down to the path. It was cooler closer to the water. There were some ducks. A swan curved its neck down to feed. They stopped to watch.

After a few moments, Ellie took a breath and turned to him. ‘Can I have a hug goodbye?’

He held out his arms and she gave him a strange half-hug. It was clumsy and sad and not what he thought was going to happen at all.

‘I’m going,’ she said, ‘before I change my mind.’

He looked for fear in her eyes, but it seemed to have gone, replaced by a strange calm.

Forty-one

Ellie walked up from the river, through the gate and across the lawn. Her mum was kneeling on a bit of old blanket, pushing a trowel into the flowerbeds.

Tell her, tell her, you have to tell her.

She sat back on her heels when she saw Ellie. ‘You’re home early.’ She wiped the sweat away from her forehead with her sleeve. Her gloves were all muddy and she had bits of leaf in her hair. ‘Or have I lost track of time? I’ve been out here most of the day and it’s been fantastic. Feels like summer now, wouldn’t you say? Look at all these green shoots thrusting up.’

Ellie feigned interest, because this would please her mum, because it would delay things, because words were hard to find.

‘Those are tulips,’ Mum said, smiling, ‘and those pink ones are bergenia.’

Ellie squatted on the grass. ‘I need to speak to you.’

‘You’ll get wet sitting there.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘How was school? Was it OK?’

‘It was fine. I had Maths revision.’

‘Poor baby. I don’t envy you that.’

She turned back to her digging. ‘I’ve been tying things back and weeding. Look, I even planted some bulbs.’

When breaking bad news you’re supposed to ask the victim to sit down so they don’t bang their head when they collapse. You’re supposed to provide sweet tea, a blanket and a cool hand on the forehead. But what do you do when the person refuses to listen?

‘Mum, where’s Tom?’

‘Up in his room, I expect.’

‘And Dad?’

‘Norwich, trying to find a new law firm.’