Melinda Duchamp
Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland
Chapter 1
Alice put the plate back into the picnic basket and then stared at Lewis, who was wiping a bit of lemon meringue from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. He noticed her staring and grinned. Alice forced a smile back.
She loved Lewis. And although she was only eighteen-years-old Alice believed she would marry him someday. But now that the picnic had ended, she knew what was coming next. And Alice dreaded it.
Lewis moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and snugging her tight. “The pie was lovely, Alice.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re lovely, too.”
He moved in to kiss her, which Alice gladly accepted. Lewis was a good kisser, with full lips and a soft, gentle tongue. His hands encircled Alice’s waist, easing her back onto the blanket they’d spread over the meadow’s grass, and kissed her neck. Alice closed her eyes and wished the moment would last forever.
But it didn’t. All too soon, as she’d feared, Lewis was reaching up to unbutton Alice’s shirtdress.
She lightly pushed him away. “I’m rather tired, Lewis. Can’t we just kiss and cuddle?”
“But I love you, Alice.”
“I love you, too. It’s just…”
Lewis frowned, then rolled away from her, onto his side. “I know. I’m not any good at sex.”
The sad way he said it broke Alice’s heart. But, unfortunately, it was true. While Alice enjoyed the intimacy of making love with Lewis, she’d never climaxed with him. She hadn’t even come close.
Truth was, Alice hadn’t had an orgasm, ever. She didn’t know if she even could. It didn’t bother her much, except for moments like this when Lewis wanted to fool around. Though she knew Lewis was inexperienced, Alice couldn’t help feeling inadequate. As much as he claimed he enjoyed their lovemaking, Alice knew, deep down, he was just as disappointed in it as she was.
Alice reached over, touching his shoulder.
“It’s not just you, Lewis. It’s me, too. I’m not any good, either.”
Lewis twisted his body to face her. “That’s why we should practice. To get better. Here, I got you something to help.”
He jack-knifed into a sitting position and dug into the picnic basket, pulling out a slender box wrapped in polka-dot paper.
“I was going to save this for your birthday, but I think now is the perfect time.”
Lewis handed the package to Alice, who took it cautiously. Normally, she loved receiving presents. But something about Lewis’s tone, and the strange shape of the box, made Alice uneasy.
“What is it? A candlestick?”
“Open it and see. It cost almost a hundred dollars.”
A hundred dollars was a lot of money. Especially for Lewis, who worked in a shoe store earning slightly over minimum wage. Alice ran her finger along the seam and tore the paper off, revealing a plain white box. And inside that was…
Well, Alice really wasn’t sure.
It looked sort of like Lewis’s manhood, with a shaft, and a bulbous head. But this was made of white plastic. Near the bottom were two large, rubber ears, sprouting out of the base where hair on a man would be.
“Lewis… is this a…” Alice searched her mind for a word she’d never spoken before. “A dildo?”
Lewis beamed. “It’s a vibrator, Alice. It’s called a rabbit. I found it on Amazon. com. They sell everything, and have the best prices. The buttons on the bottom make it rotate and vibrate, and those ears rub up against you.”
Alice immediately dropped the box as if it contained a live snake. “Why would you buy me such a crude thing?”
Lewis’s smile faded. “I thought it would help you to, you know…”
Alice immediately felt bad for her knee-jerk reaction. Especially considering how much it cost. She placed a hand on Lewis’s cheek. “Oh, Lewis. I don’t want plastic and batteries. It’s you I want.”
“Really?”
Alice nodded.
Lewis moved in to kiss her again, and Alice kissed him back. This time, when he reached to unbutton her dress, she didn’t protest.
A moment later, Lewis had his pants around his ankles and he was on top of her.
“You’re so hot, Alice.”
“Lewis…”
“God, I love your tits,” he said, his hand up under her bra.
“Lewis, you know I don’t like it when you talk like that.”
“Oh… Alice…”
“Why don’t we slow down a little? Then maybe I can…”
Too late. Lewis was already finishing up. It hadn’t been more than thirty seconds from beginning to end. Which, for Lewis, was a record.
“That was beautiful, Alice. And you’re beautiful. I love you so much.”
He kissed Alice again, then rolled off of her, onto his back, and tucked himself into his jeans. A moment later he was snoring.
Alice felt like crying. Everything about Lewis was so perfect, except for this. She had barely felt him enter her before he’d finished. Alice buttoned her dress back up, stared at the fluffy, white clouds overhead, and asked them how she could improve their sex life.
The clouds didn’t answer. Because clouds don’t talk.
Turning away from Lewis, Alice’s eyes locked onto the box he’d given her. The rabbit. A terrible gift, one that reminded Alice of her shortcomings.
“Oh, Lewis, what are we going to do?”
Alice wished, more than anything in the world, that she could be a regular, normal girl. She wanted to have those earth-quaking orgasms her friends told her about. She wanted to feel like a real woman, not like a broken doll. Alice truly believed Lewis was the man for her, the one she wanted to live happily ever after with. But she didn’t know of any fairytales where Prince Charming couldn’t make the princess climax.
“Someday my prince will come,” she lamented softly, “too fast.”
Then again, maybe it wasn’t all the prince’s fault.
Alice hesitantly reached for the box, then withdrew her hand before touching it.
What am I afraid of? Alice thought, chiding herself.
She glanced at Lewis again, making sure he was asleep. Alice couldn’t imagine how embarrassing it would be if he saw her do what she was thinking about doing. But Lewis was still snoring softly, and if the pattern held, he’d be asleep for at least another hour. So once again, Alice reached for the box. This time she did pick it up, taking a closer look at the rabbit.
If it was designed to look erotic, the designers got it wrong. This toy was decidedly unsexy, and Alice had no desire to get it anywhere near her private parts, let alone put it inside.
She pressed one of the buttons on the base, and almost dropped the rabbit when it began to undulate in her hand. Once the shock wore off, her original assessment remained. This thing looked goofy, not arousing.
