“Yes old boy, you are correct, you are about to be enlightened regarding Daylight Savings Time. For your information Daylight Savings Time is a means of providing more useful daylight hours. In early spring when morning begins to come earlier, a date and time are selected on which timepieces are set forward one hour. For late fall the process is reversed. In the common vernacular, by this method of time keeping adjustment, time springs forward in the spring, and falls backwards in the fall. You are not familiar with it, because at present these time changes are limited to official agencies. All jails are of course affected.”
This information made my head swim, and I said so. Holmes replied, “just stay with it, old boy, just stay with it.” And he went on about Daylight Savings Time.
“The date and time selected to advance the time is by coincidence the same as Mr. Fletcher’s abduction. At exactly 11:00 P.M. the clock at Cheltenham jail was set forward one hour, from 11:00 P.M. to 12 midnight. When Mr. Fletcher was clocked in there, at 12:10 A.M., only ten minutes had passed, because the real, astronomical time elapsed was from 11:00 P.M. to 11:10 P.M., just ten minutes. Mr. Fletcher transited from Woking to Cheltenham, a distance of 20 miles, in 10 minutes. Ten minutes is one sixth of an hour, and so Mr. Fletcher’s minimum speed must have been six times 20, or 120 miles per hour.”
Here Holmes paused a moment, to reflect on the even more amazing thing he was about to say next, and then went on.
“I say minimum speed, because there is the matter of the times elapsed. Time elapsed in Woking during his abduction, and time elapsed at Cheltenham, before he was clocked in at the jail. These elapsed times must be subtracted from the ten minutes that were available for him to transit from Woking to Cheltenham. Altogether I estimate only five minutes were available, perhaps even less, for him to travel from Woking to Cheltenham. The five minutes travel time makes his speed to have been 240 miles per hour.”
“But,” I protested, “even the fastest steam train travels at less than 100 miles per hour, and there are no train tracks between Woking and Cheltenham. There is no earthly way of doing anything like that, no earthly way of going anywhere near that fast.”
“Precisely, my dear fellow, precisely. You have hit the nail right on the head, as usual. No earthly way…”
I was nonplused by this amazing revelation from Holmes, rendered entirely speechless. Based on what he had told me, his logic was impeccable, his conclusion flawlessly inevitable. This was an example in action of Holmes’s famous dictum: “When all other possibilities have been logically excluded, what remains is necessarily the truth, no matter how unlikely it seems.”
Holmes saw I was struggling to accept the truth he had arrived at, astounding and impossible as it was. Evidently he decided it was better to unload the whole nine yards on me at once, rather than proceed bit by bit. There was still more to come, something even more astonishing, and come it did.
Holmes paused a moment, took a draw on his pipe, and looked at me to see if I was ready for his next and final revelation. Evidently satisfied, he began speaking, this time softly, in a low voice, as if to cushion the shock value of his words, or so that no one else could hear them.
“Watson, has it ever occurred to you, that there may be life, intelligent life, on other worlds?” This greatly surprised me, coming from a person who I knew had no use whatsoever for astronomy, but then this was a time of surprises, no doubt about it.
“Can’t say I have. Never gave the matter any thought. No reason to.”
“Exactly, old boy, exactly so. No reason. Very few people have any reason, and even fewer have any cause to do so. Unfortunate Mr. Fletcher was one such. His experience was very disturbing, very disturbing indeed. I don’t think they meant him any harm, and they did not intend he should die. But nevertheless that was the result.”
“But Holmes, who do you mean by they?”
“By they, Watson, I mean, to quote from Mr. Fletcher’s statement, the ‘little grey men with big egg shaped heads, no hair, noses or ears, and very large oval eyes, all black’” Holmes continued on.
“Their actions in this matter do not show a higher intelligence, but only a more advanced state of technology. They obviously desired secrecy, yet their actions readily brought this matter to the attention of the authorities, and to us. No doubt the last thing they intended. There was no intention to harm Mr. Fletcher, and yet he is dead.”
“But” I said, “what was this whole affair about? Why did they abduct him in the first place?”
“Obviously their purpose was to obtain Mr. Fletcher’s semen, and evidently they were successful in this. It was intended that Mr. Fletcher would recover from the experience in a locality where he was not known, making him and his strange story less credible when he communicated it to the authorities. In this they were also successful.”
“But why should this experience have resulted in Mr. Fletcher killing himself?”
“My dear Watson, for a man of principle who is a life long bachelor, and perhaps quite ignorant and inexperienced concerning sexuality, to be handled in this extraordinary manner must have necessarily been very disturbing. And then for him to also be arrested, and confined in Cheltenham jail, at night! You saw what a dreary, depressing place it is. Altogether it was just too much for poor Mt. Fletcher to cope with. He chose to escape into death.”
I was reasonably satisfied, but had one last question.
“Holmes, why did they take his semen? What did they want it for? What will they do with it?” Holmes paused in reflection, reviewed his thoughts, and went on.
“Watson, they are studying us. They are studying us, and not just from afar. Evidently they can breathe our air, and our force of gravity suits them. History on Earth repeats itself, the lesson it teaches is always the same, and I reasonably assume it is the same everywhere. First comes exploration, and then colonization. Evidently they are only exploring now.” Holmes paused a moment to consider this, and then went on.
“As to why they might want human semen, there are a number of possible reasons. Since semen is a reproductive fluid, they are studying our reproduction. And, certain infectious diseases are transmitted through the sexual fluid. Concerning this possibility, we shall have to wait and see whether at some time in the not so distant future, a new, sexually transmitted disease appears, as if out of nowhere.”
Sherlock Holmes, the world’s best and most famous detective, paused for a long moment to sum up the situation, and then said this.
“Watson, at present we can only speculate further. To speculate publicly on this matter would only bring disbelief, followed by disrepute. Since nothing more can be deduced from the available evidence, there is nothing more to be done. Write this case up as usual, and since the circumstances of Mr. Fletcher’s death have been established, it can be considered closed.”
After a brief pause for consideration, he then continued on.
“However, due to the loose end of the matter relating to his abduction by space aliens, for no doubt that is what they were, I am far from satisfied, and think it best that the matter be closed at this time. To this end, the case is not to be published. It is closed, but not to my satisfaction, not to my satisfaction at all. It does not merit publication, and it is best that it not be published at this time.”
Everything proceeded just as Holmes had predicted. The coroner’s report stated, “The specific cause of death is unknown, but death is due to natural causes following alcohol intoxication.” Mr. Fletcher’s strange experience was ascribed as due to “alcohol intoxication,” and quickly forgotten, just as he, being a bachelor, was also quickly forgotten.
There was no scandal, and Miss Hotchkiss was very grateful. In addition to a large cash honorarium, we both received honorary Theosophical Society in London memberships, entitling us to attend any and all educational programs without charge. I could hardly wait, and said so to Holmes. The case of Sherlock Holmes And The Alien Abduction was closed.
It was closed, however, as Holmes had clearly stated, “not to my satisfaction, not to my satisfaction at all.”
I was instructed to withhold the case’s publication until 100 years after Holmes’s death, and this has been arranged.
Mr. Fletcher’s handwritten signed statement now graces Holmes’s study, along with many other curious mementos of other cases. On occasion Holmes’s gaze comes to rest on it, and his reaction is always the same; he lifts his eyes up to beyond the ceiling, obviously looking into the heavens above, while attempting to wrest more information from that uncooperative source, and failing to do so.
So Ends The Case Of Sherlock Holmes And The Alien Abduction.
