another session with the sheriff, who'd been angry when Dan told him they had checked out Corey Schneider and her alibi without talking to him.
'My adrenaline is pumping,' Maria said. 'I don't think lean sleep.'
'Then you'll come,' Dan said, starting the engine.
'You're forgetting something. My suitcase is in my room.'
'Forget it. I still have the same toothbrush you used last time. The pj's you wore are cleaned. You're all set. I'll drop you off back here in the morning on my way to work.'
'I have a favor to ask.'
'What?'
'Are you not sleepy, either?' she asked.
'Not really. Not after all that. But it's eleven o'clock, and I have to try to get to sleep at least by midnight.'
'So we have an hour.'
'Yeah? What are you thinking?'
'Show me Tess's grave.'
'What? Are you nuts?'
'I want to see it. And I want you to take me there.'
'It's dark. And…'
'Many cemeteries are lit at night. Isn't this one?'
'Well, I think so. Some.'
'Then take me.'
'Not tonight. Some other time.'
'What, you think I'm going to be stopping regularly for this?'
'Why do you want to go there? You never even knew her.'
'You did. You been there?'
'You know I haven't.'
'Frankly, it's Nate I'm thinking about. If you can't go there yourself, you won't be taking him there.'
'What is it with you and visiting graves?'
She didn't answer.
'You think I have some emotional hang-up, that I’m not grieving, or something.'
She said nothing, just looked straight ahead.
'You're all beat-up. It makes no sense to go right now, in the middle of the night.'
'Say no and stop with the arguing if you won't take me. You don't owe me an explanation.'
'Damn, you're stubborn.'
'I believe the cemetery is to the left up here. True?'
Dan pulled the wheel around and the tires squeaked as the car went left toward the cemetery. He didn't know what this would prove. He was reluctant, but many healthy people didn't go to graves. He took a deep breath. This was no big deal and it would make her happy.
There were soft low lights around the cemetery and along the paths, just enough so that visitors could find their way. A big sign said the gates would be locked at midnight and the lights turned off. He pulled in by the gate and stopped the car.
'You should go by yourself,' she said. It seemed that everybody but him thought he should go to the cemetery. Lynette, his mother, everybody who knew him, thought it, in one form or another. They thought he should make his peace with Tess's death. Or maybe it was that he should face it. Without saying anything, he got out of the car and began walking. He knew exactly where it was.
Sitting down on the grass next to the stone marker, he stared at the engraving: tess young-beloved wife of dan young and mother of nathaniel. What did he want to say to her? He closed his eyes and imagined her as he had seen her last: Nathaniel clinging to her leg, his cheek against her thigh; her eyes laughing at him as she explained that she wanted to steal him away to a desert island, where they would live off coconuts. It was almost as if she were right there in front of him.,
And before he knew what was happening, Dan began talking, the words pouring like water through a burst dam. 'I loved to listen to your heartbeat. I remember how it felt when you put your hand on my face, what your eyes did when they looked into mine.' On and on, he recounted his memories.
If she were here, what would she say? She had a practical side to her. 'Can you find something new, something different?' she'd ask.
In his mind he searched the face of his dead wife, for some sorrow, some torment, some anguish of soul, but found none. 'How do I accept this loss?'
She was someplace far away, or no place. If she were here, what could she say?
'I don't want to hope,' he said aloud. He smacked his palm with his fist and rocked. 'I don't want to hope for another you. I'm angry, and I don't want to hope.'
The car was parked near a streetlamp, and away from the deep shadows. Maria looked out at a large white Victorian structure that served as the funeral home. Down its sides ivy had been strung on trellises, and grown vigorously, forming luxuriant green carpets, making it seem more a place for the living than the dead. But for the frogs and the crickets, it was silent.
She reasoned that having just been attacked, she would not be assaulted again-for the moment. The logic was only slightly reassuring. Under ordinary circumstances Maria would have preferred not sitting alone on a dark street after just being assaulted. Additionally, there was her throbbing jaw and accompanying headache, not to mention the anguish from her bruised ribs. She would tell none of this to Dan Young.
It was midnight when she saw him coming down the path. He had been gone a long time. She unlocked the car, grateful for the company but nervous, not knowing what to expect.
He got in the car, looking completely composed.
'Well, I did it.' He turned to her, looking so relaxed it seemed odd.
'There is something I always wanted to tell her. But never did.'
'Do you want to tell me?'
'I don't know.' He sat silent for a time. 'After we'd been married maybe three years, there were still other women I would think about. Of course everybody thinks about other people. But I just… you know… would think about the possibilities.'
'I understand.'
'And I knew there was this certain closeness that Tess and I never had. So one night in bed, I held her close and I formed this mental image. It was like a mental game and I had to concentrate very hard. I imagined a big beautiful casket with a clear glass top. It sat over a hole in the ground. Tess and I were in the casket together. They closed it. Standing around was everyone we knew, especially the women I thought about. It was hard to focus on those women, to see their faces, to look into their eyes as we were being lowered. But I concentrated and in my imagination I made their faces clear. And the crowd waved and the other women threw flowers. And then they all slowly disappeared. You with me so far?'
'I'm with you.'
'This hole in the ground was like the Alice-in-Wonderland hole because it had no bottom. In my mind it came out in this Garden of Eden. And we were going there for the night. Just the two of us. So once I had watched everybody disappear, I began concentrating on Tess. My fingers were on her back, lightly, her body tight against mine. I'd say in my mind over and over, 'Just the two of us, just the two of us.' Every millimeter of my body was taken up with sensing her.
'Now when this was going on in my head I never said a word; I only held her and let my fingers run over her back. The first time I did it, she cried, happy tears, and asked me what I was doing. I said: 'Does it feel different?' She said, 'It's the most wonderful thing I've ever felt. What were you thinking about?'
'And I said, 'Just the two of us.' She said, 'That's all?' I told her I was concentrating on a particular mental image. 'What's the image?' she asked.
''And I waited a minute. Then I said, 'If I tell you, maybe it won't work.' I didn't want to get into explaining about the other women. And the looking in their eyes and watching them disappear. Or maybe I thought it would
