'Wine cellar. But forget it. You wanna come, you come.'
Now she could feel herself squinting, suspicious that she was being tricked.
'When you do that, it makes each little line in your face get deeper,' he told her.
They smiled, and she inexplicably knew that he wouldn't trick her again. She held his gaze for as long as she dared. In his eyes she found a knowing strength that reached to her core. On the kitchen table his large brown hand contrasted with the whiteness of hers. She wished to feel his rough hand moving over hers. Such a simple thing, she imagined, would be so pleasurable. But she felt guilty for the wish. Each move they made toward one another, each little intertwining of emotion and personality, would in the end be undone, leaving neither the better for it.
''Frank Bilotti,'' she blurted out without really having made up her mind to do so.
'Who?' he asked.
'My boss.'
'Yes,' he said after a long pause in which she struggled to gather her thoughts.
''And Grail is my best friend from way back. I would have trusted either of them with my life. No question. You gotta understand. Frank was my mentor. We never crossed the line, but we felt deeply about each other-or I thought we did. After I introduced them, Gail had an affair with him. He's married to Eva. First big mistake.'
Kier's eyes scrutinized her.
'Got your attention, didn't I?'
He nodded slowly.
'It had been going on for months. Frank is rich, by the way. Frank inherited lots of money, and unlike most of us, he doesn't need to work. The Bureau was an interesting hobby in more ways than one. He was bringing her travel brochures and talking honeymoon when there wasn't even a divorce in sight. He said they could take their honeymoon even before they were married. I begged Gail, pleaded with her to forget him.'
Kier's eyes were somber, intent. She could feel herself about to cry, and tried to hold everything still from her stomach to her lips. 'Gail, my dearest friend, was such a schmuck.' Now tears were running hot down her cheeks. She paused to catch her breath. 'She just ignored the facts. He was never going to leave his wife. She actually began thinking I was jealous. And maybe I was, but not the way she thought.
'See, I couldn't work with him like I used to. All his help, all his insight, the coaching about how to deal with the bureaucracy.. it was gone, dried up. I suppose my disapproval about the whole situation was just oozing out of me. My respect for him disappeared, and he could feel it.
'I was supposed to meet Frank and two other agents at his summer home for a brainstorming session on a tough case. They were going to raid a place I had identified electronically. Anyway, I show up unexpectedly early by several hours, and even from the patio I can see that Frank and these two guys are watching this video.
'I'm a little quiet, wanting to surprise them, and they're so busy watching the TV they don't even see me. The window is cracked an inch and I can hear them. At first I think it's like an X-rated film or something. I'm embarrassed. Then I'm horrified. It's a video of Gail having sex with Frank, and these three guys are watching. And get this-Frank is commenting on it, and it's sick. All of a sudden I realize he's this cold detached bastard who's just using Gail in the crudest possible way. Frank's face is conveniently blurred on the tape, some special effect, but Gail's isn't. And believe me, from Frank's commentary for the boys you know it's Frank. And you knew Gail never had a clue about this.'
Jessie had finished her coffee long ago, but she held the empty cup in a death-grip.
'I blew sky-high, barged in and told them what I thought of them.' She stopped for a moment. 'Frank turned on me. Just like that. My mentor, this man I would have trusted with my life, says that if three top agents say it didn't happen, it didn't happen. Then he threatens me. He actually threatens me if I say anything.'
'What did he threaten you with?'
'You know this case we were supposed to be meeting about?'
Kier nodded.
'I had done some sweeps on the computer that required permission from above. Frank had given me the authorization. It's like a wiretap sort of, only with respect to a hacker's computer. I didn't do much of it, but another gal in our section did, and he was going to say it was all my doing. That I was trying to get ahead and it was all unauthorized. He said I'd get a failing performance review because of it. He would tell everyone that I had concocted this crazy story about the tape when all they were doing was watching an adult movie to pass the time.'
'Usually the truth comes out.'
'Oh yeah, right. Sure it does. But you've got no idea how somebody as powerful as Frank, with as many friends as he has, can screw up your career. And in the end I didn't have the tape. When I grabbed it, they took me down. Beat the shit out of me.'
Jessie pushed the coffee cup aside and looked away.
'So what did you do?'
'It got bad, Kier. I had to use my gun to get out of Frank's summer home. Then I just walked out of the New York office, took a leave of absence, and came up here, but not without telling Frank's boss, Grady White. He's the head of the region. I told him the whole thing-off the record. He's sweating like hell. He believes me, but he says I gotta make up my mind: Do I want to leave this for Gail to deal with or file a formal report?'
'What does he think you should do?'
'I think he just feels sick, and trapped, and he probably thinks I should come forward and nail the bastards. Either destroy their careers or let them destroy mine. Without me, there probably won't be anything official. I'm not sure Gail would or could do it alone. If I talk, a holy war's gonna break out in the ranks of the Bureau. We can't all survive, but we could sure all go down.'
Kier leaned back in his seat. ''After all that, you think there's no way the government could have sold out to Tillman?'
'I promise you, Kier, this is different. This is three guys and their twisted sex lives. It's hormones. It's not bribery. It's just not the same. And Frank Bilotti is not the institution.'
Kier nodded as if he understood. 'So when I met you on the road, when we were in the barn, all this time you've had this inside you. And you've kept it there.'
''Yeah. Until now.'' She let herself begin to cry, completely weary of containing it. The fear, the anxiety, the heartache, the lost affection for Frank, it all wanted to squeeze its way out through her eyes.
She knew that Kier's hand would not move. At the other cabin he had rebuked himself; he would not allow himself to be drawn to her again. Sorrow and depression had replaced desire and settled over her. But now there was something worse than Frank Bilotti and his betrayal. Jessie could see the disappointment in all of her tomorrows: the mornings she would awake and wonder if she were in bed with the wrong person. Of course, she realized, that would be the lucky result. Just as likely, she would die-die missing this last opportunity to finally connect with this man, this guileless man. And outlive her cynicism, if not her singleness. She did not know how to begin.
In his fingers Tillman held the picture of Jessie, and his eyes periodically darted to it. A great pressure was building in his mind. Outside he saw a faint movement in the blackness. It was the llama wandering across the front porch. A man went quickly by the table, obviously trying to avoid him.
'When's somebody gonna butcher that damn llama?' Tillman asked. 'Walking around like that gets the sentries used to movement. It's dangerous.'
'I'll see that she's put in the barn, sir.'
Tillman grunted as if he was half satisfied. Obviously the man had developed some ridiculous attachment to the animal.
Ready at last to talk, he called for Doyle, who came immediately with his mug of coffee. Doyle sat heavily as though the struggle were equally his.
'So what will he do?'
'I think he'll come.' Doyle spoke without hesitation. 'You've got his family and he's smart enough to know it. But I don't think he'll come when he says. And he won't come peacefully, that's sure. He'll come to take you.'
'When do you think he'll get here?'
'Tonight sometime.'
