Thalia sighed. “Sam, you need to move on. You need to put the past behind you and not hide out here. You need someone permanent in your life. Any woman with half a brain would consider you a good catch.”
“That’s about sums up the type he dates,” Cooper rumbled. “Half a brain.”
Sam sneered. “Maybe you should take a look in a mirror, Coop. Or is this not your suite we’re in? And you could at least let me down from here? I’m starting to lose circulation to my hands.”
“I don’t think so, Sam, not until you’ve listened to us.” Thalia wheeled herself back in front of Sam, her head tilted back to look up at him. “Everyone knows you loved Jill. And no one would ever try to take her memory away from you or deny your feelings for her. But she’s gone-through no fault of your own, she’s gone. It’s time for you to accept that and move on.”
Why don’t you stick a hot poker in my gut? That would hurt less.
He tested the tackle again. A smattering of dust floated over his shoulders. One more good jerk, maybe two should do it.
“You think you should have been able to save Jill. Well, guess what. You couldn’t. It wasn’t your fault. People get killed, Sam. You can’t save them all. People have car accidents, they get cancer, they get shot. You can’t save everyone, and you can’t shut everyone out for fear of losing them. Let yourself love Rosie. Accept her love too. Don’t destroy this chance at love, Sam. You may not get another one.”
Damn, she wasn’t just stickin’ the poker in his gut, she was slicing his whole damned intestines out with it. “In case you haven’t heard, Thal, that boat’s sailed. Rosie moved out.”
“Rosie moved out because you ordered her to.”
“Because she threw herself over me to protect me. If Robert had been an assassin she’d be dead. We both thought I was being stalked, remember? I figured she’d be safer if she wasn’t in the line of fire. I was trying to protect her, not lose her.”
Like I lost Jill.
“Just like Jill.” Chad walked up behind Thalia, put his hand on her shoulder. “Thalia’s right, Sam. I understand that you want to protect Rosie, I do. And maybe we’ve gone about this the wrong way…”
“Ya think?”
“We couldn’t think of another way to get you two together after the date we’d arranged went nowhere.”
He’d wondered why it had been Rosie who had bid on him, but Jodi had said Mark didn’t think it would be proper for Thalia to bid. “How many times do I have to tell you, Chad, Rosie’s my employee. You know I was trying to protect Hauberk from a lawsuit.”
“It doesn’t matter now. If you didn’t know you weren’t being stalked, if Rosie worked for a different security firm who was protecting you, you’d have still found a way to push her away.”
“Bullshit.”
“Is it?” With a nod from Thalia, Chad walked behind him. The rope holding Sam’s hands above his head slackened and he lowered his arms with a groan of relief.
Thalia caught his hands with hers, chaffing them as the blood flooded back. But instead of undoing his handcuffs, she turned his wrists until his right hand was face up and rubbed his ring with her thumb.
“Then tell us why you still wear this, Sam. The wedding ring Jill bought for you? The one you’ve put on and never taken off since you got out of the hospital.”
Jeezuz, what more did she want? His entrails spread over the floor like a goddamned rug so she could roll over them? “You know it is, Thalia. Leave it alone.”
“I can’t. You deserve to find happiness, Sam. You lost more than I did that day, and it left you as crippled as me. But you have the ability to get up and dust yourself off and move on.”
“In other words,” Cooper said, “it’s time to get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
Damn it, why couldn’t they see what was going on? “I’m not keeping Rosie away because I feel sorry for myself. I’m doing it because she’ll be safe that way. I won’t see her hurt because of me.”
“Don’t you see? You are using the stalking as a way to keep Rosie at arm’s length. The same way you use the club. It’s a crutch, Sam. You don’t want to get hurt the way you were when Jill died, and you know that the women you meet here aren’t looking for long term involvement. So instead of taking a chance and meeting someone special, you spend your time here and avoid commitment.” Thalia paused, shaking her head. “Marriage, children, commitment of that type anyway. And the women you date…” she waved her hand toward the door, “…out there. They’re no better. I swear half the ones you date couldn’t find their way out of a hall with one door.”
“What in the hell makes you think I was looking for commitment? I’ve been coming to the club because I enjoy it. I love havin’ sex without my partner complaining that I’m too kinky. That’s the whole point of the place, isn’t it?”
“But Rosie’s different, isn’t she? You can see a life with her. And that makes you feel like you’re disloyal to Jill, doesn’t it?” When he didn’t answer, Thalia lowered her pitch assuming her Domme persona, the one that made him respond without thinking. “Do you love Rosie, Sam?”
“Yes,” he shouted. “Yes. I love her, all right? But that doesn’t mean she should stick around me. That doesn’t mean she should throw herself in front of a goddamned bullet for me. I don’t want to lose her like that. I won’t lose her like that. I’d rather she stayed safe. That she stayed alive.”
The door to the back room opened and Rosie appeared, her arms jammed on her hips. He relaxed to see her unharmed, unbound.
“Rosie, thank God you’re safe.” Desperation mixed with relief filled his voice. “I’m sorry if I got angry the other night.”
This morning she would have accepted his apology at face value. But she couldn’t now she knew the significance of his ring. That awareness created an ache in her heart, in her soul. Chad moved Thalia back to where Cooper stood so they no longer blocked her from Sam, but Rosie stayed where she was.
“Now that we know there’s no real stalker, you can move back in and we-”
“No. Sam.” The ache in her heart became a knife sharp pain. She blinked away the tears and held her head high. “I’m not moving back in with you. At least, not yet.”
Not while you wear that ring. Not until I come first.
He shook his head and tugged at the restraints then gave up with a sigh. “Look, I know I’ve been an ass lately. I know I reacted badly the other night but-”
“I’m not prepared to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me as much as I love them.” She wrapped her arms about her stomach. Andy put his hand on her shoulder, steadying her. “It hurts too much, Sam. Even if it’s only us in the room, I feel like there’s still going to be another person between us.”
“I don’t think of Jill when I’m with you, Rosie. You have to believe me, I love you.”
Why couldn’t you have said “I love you” last night. When you weren’t handcuffed and shackled and under duress?
“When we were making love,” her voice wavered so she took a couple of breaths before she felt steady enough to continue. “Sam, when you touch me and you’re wearing that ring, are you thinking of her?”
“No.”
“Then why do you still wear it?”
He looked away from her. “I couldn’t get rid of it. It’s all I had left of her.”
“Oh, Sam. Thalia is right. I hoped she wasn’t, but she is, isn’t she? Jill’s been between us every minute of every day. She’s been in every conversation we’ve had and every decision you’ve made.”
“What do you want of me? I can’t just stop loving someone like you’d flip off a light switch. What would that say of how I feel about you?”
What did he feel? she wanted to scream. Where am I in your life compared to Jill? Will I always be second? How much longer before you let go of her and see me standing right in front of you?
“I’ve never lost anyone I care about like that, Sam, so I can’t begin to understand how much losing Jill must have hurt. I’m not expecting you to forget her. But she died eight years ago. If we’re to have a chance, if that’s where we’re headed, you’ve got to put the past in the past. And if you can’t, well, I’m not prepared to come second to a ghost in any relationship.”
“What are you saying, Rosie?”
“I’m saying I love you, but I’m not convinced you’re ready to love me the way I deserve to be loved, the way I need to be loved.” She drew another deep breath, shuddering as she did, conscious of how quiet the room had
