and followed him upstairs.
Once they got to the bedroom, he started to undo his shirt left-handed. “Damn it, I’m all thumbs.”
“Here, let me.” She flicked open the buttons of his shirt, loving the familiarity of the task. Her smile dimmed when she caught sight of the bandage over his shoulder. It was smaller than the one the doctors had originally placed there, but it still looked obscene.
Chad rested his forehead on hers. “Hey, it’ll heal, babe. I’ll be fine.”
“I could have lost you again,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have left my gun out in plain sight. I should have locked it up so he couldn’t get it.”
“And I should have remembered to re-arm the security system so we would have had a warning. Hell, I should have locked the front door, but I had other things on my mind and I let myself get distracted.” He stroked his thumb over her nipple until it beaded. “Stop blaming yourself. It’s over. Harris is dead, and Tom’s not a threat anymore either. We’ve got a second chance, babe. Let’s not waste it.”
“You’re right,” she decided.
“Of course I am. Now why don’t you get undressed and join me? I’ll let you be on top.”
She had to laugh at the exaggerated leer he gave her. “You’re incorrigible. All right, I’ll lie down with you, but we’re not going to do anything more than sleep.”
She hovered over him while he took his pain pills and lay on the bed with him. Within five minutes, he was asleep and she found herself staring at the ceiling. Two weeks ago she’d only dreamt that she’d be lying here beside Chad again, and now her dreams had come true.
Yet there were still so many things unsettled between them.
Chad rolled over, his arm instinctively seeking Lauren only to find…nothing. “Lauren?”
Had it all been a dream? He opened his eyes. The dent her head had left in the pillow was still there, the side of her bed messed. No, it hadn’t been a dream. So why wasn’t she still here?
Maybe she’d gone to the bathroom? Nope, the door was open and the light off. Where the hell had she gone?
His heart clogging his throat, he jogged downstairs, half afraid he’d find her bags missing. He pulled up short when he heard her talking in the kitchen.
“I meant what I said, Coop. I’m not coming back. I’m through with the Brigade.”
Cooper was here? What the hell else did that bastard want? He’d already visited Chad at the hospital and threatened him until he’d signed a secrecy agreement similar to the one that bound Lauren.
“No, I haven’t and I’m not going to either.” There was a pause which told him that Cooper wasn’t there in person, Lauren was talking to him on the phone. “No, you can’t talk to him. He’s sleeping…No, I am not waking him up so you can talk to him. He just got out of the hospital, damn it.”
He was half-tempted to go into the kitchen and tell Cooper to go stuff himself, but he enjoyed hearing Lauren defend him. Other than Sam, he’d had precious few people in his corner. Besides, if he showed her he was awake, she’d probably insist on making him lunch-dinner, he revised having a glance at the chiming clock on the wall. He’d slept longer than he thought. While he was hungry, he preferred for her to come upstairs to wake him so he could make a meal of her.
He headed back to the stairs then saw the file folder containing the photocopies of Lauren’s letters. Maybe he should read them before they made any long term decisions. He tucked the folder under his arm and headed back to the bedroom. Once he was stretched out on the bed, he steeled himself and opened the folder. From the looks of it, Sam had arranged the letters by the date they’d been sent.
April 26, 2002
Dear Chad,
I know you don’t understand why I left without talking to you, but I was afraid of what I might do if I didn’t get help right away. I’ve tried to be strong for you, but I just couldn’t get my head clear. I’ve checked myself into a private hospital under an assumed name so the reporters can’t attack you because of me…
The rest of the letter explained about Tranquil Pastures, and her diagnosis, just as she’d said. She’d pleaded with him to phone her or write her back.
May 11, 2002
…I love you, Chad. I’m so sorry for what I said during that fight. I know Emily didn’t die because of anything you did. It was my fault, all mine, and I cannot beg your forgiveness enough…
The second letter continued, with yet another plea for him to write if he couldn’t phone, to let her know he was all right, and asked if he’d consider visiting her until she was well enough to come home. So did the third. And the fourth.
The fifth letter wasn’t written by Lauren but by her psychiatrist.
Dear Mr. Miller,
It is vital to your wife’s recovery…
Chad crumpled the letter in his fist. Damn Tom Jenkins. Lauren had needed him.
Dear Chad, He checked the date, this had been written six months after her first letter. I’ve been praying that you’d get in contact with me after Dr. Maudsley wrote to you. Since we haven’t heard from you, I can only assume you don’t want me to come home to live with you when I’m released the day after tomorrow…
He closed his eyes. I would have come for you if I’d known, babe. Nothing could have stopped me.
February 13, 2004
Dear Chad,
I received the divorce papers from your attorney today. I had hoped that perhaps we could work on repairing our marriage, but Thalia tells me that you’ve been dating someone else for the past few months and that the two of you have moved in together. I hope she is stronger for you than I have been, and that she makes you happy because you deserve happiness. I will always regret that I couldn’t be the one to give it to you. I love you, and always will…
He had to read the last line twice, then re-read the paragraph again. Thalia had told Lauren he was living with someone? Lauren had said once that she’d heard he was living with someone, but not once could he remember her saying that it was his own sister who had lied to her.
His BlackBerry rang. A quick check of the caller ID had him answering. “I was wondering how long it would take before you called, Coop.”
“Lauren said you were asleep.”
“I was.” Yet you called me anyway. Arrogant ass.
Cooper grunted, which would be as close to an apology as he’d get Chad supposed. “I heard Sam came to visit you earlier.”
“You heard or are you having us watched?”
“I ran into him and Rosie at the club, and he mentioned he’d dropped by. I thought I’d better make sure you completely understand that agreement you signed yesterday means you can’t tell him anything about what you’ve learned.”
Since I was still half doped up when you made me sign that fucking paper, you mean.
“I haven’t said a word to him or anyone else.” Yet. “I want your assurance you will never use the club for anything related to the Brigade ever again. Because if I ever find you have put anyone at that club in danger, I am coming after you.”
“Just make sure you keep your mouth shut to Sam. And anyone else.”
“Considering you threatened to take me into custody if I didn’t, I don’t have much of a choice, do I? Are we done?”
“No. I want you to convince Lauren to come back and work for the Brigade. She doesn’t have to go back into the field, but I need her.”
Tough shit. So did he. So had he for the last ten years. “That’s not my decision to make, Coop. It’s hers. If she wants to come back, I won’t stand in her way, but if she doesn’t, I’ll support her a hundred and ten percent.”
