how will we learn without going there?'
'Exactly!' a few of the committeefriends agreed with him.
'Yes!'
'They're being perhaps a little
'If our exuberance about our travels circulates as far as the castle,' Gubbeen explained uneasily, 'they come and personally invite the traveler to the castle. Just for a chat, of course!'
'They arrest people and take them in for interrogation?' I asked, aghast. 'Has anyone been harmed?'
'Er…' The Wuhses looked at one another. 'We can only say that the invitees often emerge with self-esteem issues.'
'They ask very hard questions,' Ardrahan put in, helpfully. 'It shows how very intelligent they are. That is why we invited them here to help us. But, if I may speak hypothetically, if one has certain material needs, and they are not being met as fully as they were before certain people came along, then would you call that a disagreement?'
In spite of my muzziness I managed to extract the kernel from the center of her statement. 'Shortages? What kind of shortages? It looks as though you have plenty of good food. And beverages,' I added, gesturing at the wealth of tea surrounding Zol and the range of bottles on the wall behind the bar. 'You're all well-dressed, and your homes seem to be in very good shape.'
'We have no money!' Wensley wailed. 'Barely a coin between us! Perhaps we do give the appearance of prosperity, but we have to beg for everything from Them. They store provisions for our shopkeepers, and release a day's worth of goods at a time. They lock up the warehouses at the factories. In the morning everyone has to ask for the stock to replenish their shelves. If a request strikes them as unreasonable they will not release the merchandise. And it's our merchandise!'
The others seemed at once horrified that he was speaking so frankly, and relieved that someone was saying what he was thinking. They were clearly terrified of the Pervect Ten, and afraid to speak openly.
'What's an unreasonable request?' I pressed. 'More food?'
'Oh,' Wensley began, a shade too casually. 'Suppose a silversmith had a lot of very beautiful pendants that the Pervect Ten were minding for him, and he wanted them, say, to trade for other, more rare items?'
'I'd say it sounded like normal commerce,' I shrugged. 'Why don't both shopkeepers go to the castle together and negotiate the trade there? The pendants could be put into the other guy's bin, and the silversmith could have access to the stuff he bought.'
'Uh, er… what if the other shopkeeper… didn't live around here?'
'Like in another dimension?' Zol asked. It was too direct a question. Not an eye met his. I nodded.
'You're afraid that they would cut you off from the rest of the dimensions.'
'If they can! But they can't,' Wensley insisted firmly. 'Not as long as we have the D-hopper! We will be free to visit everywhere!'
'Shhh!' the others chided him.
'But so many things we never see again,' Wensley went on in a whisper. 'They are entitled to their fee, but we believe that they are supplementing it with very generous self-assigned bonuses.' Robbing the poor Wuhses blind. I was appalled.
'But, and this is the most difficult thing for us to say,' Wigmore began, 'Wuh is such a pleasant place to live that it frees one to think about expanding one's base of operations…'
'They're planning to use Wuh as a jumping-off point to conquer other dimensions? How do you know this?'
'You know,' began Yarg, of Public Health, 'they do speak so loudly. Some of what they say might have been overheard by the sanitation supervisors ('Cleaning staff,' Bunny whispered.) in the castle. Quite by accident, of course.'
'Of course.' I shared a glance with Tananda, Bunny and Zol. I could tell the others were thinking the same thing I was. The Pervect Ten had to go.
'All right, then,' I agreed resolutely. 'We all need a good night's sleep. Tomorrow, my company and I will begin our investigation and see if we can figure out how to kick them out.'
'Er, eh…' Gubbeen began, raising a finger. 'Master Skeeve, if I may be so bold, we've been giving you our input all evening.'
I looked at him, puzzled. 'You've been telling us how we can get rid of the Pervect Ten?'
'Well… perhaps not direct suggestions,' Gubbeen coughed modestly. 'That would be presumptuous. But we would like to be able to guide you in your approach.'
'What?' I asked, then shook my head to clear it. I'd been awake far too long. 'Let me try and sum up what I've been hearing: What you're all telling me is that you want to tell us how to run our operation, is that it?' I prompted them. 'Hmm?'
I could hear wordiness bubbling up like soup about to boil over. I cut it off. 'I'd like a one-word answer, please.'
'I don't know whether the feasibility of a simple reply…' Gubbeen began.
'Yes or no?' 'Well,' Ardrahan ventured, 'er… yes?'
'No,' I stated firmly.
'No?' The Wuhses all stared at me. I crossed my arms.
'That's right. No. We're the experts you called in. We will take all of your advice, but we have to run this operation our way. If you could have ejected the Pervect Ten on your own, you'd have done it by now, wouldn't you?' I looked around at my audience. They were fumbling for a reply.
Ardrahan cleared her throat. 'Well, they know lots of magik, and we don't; we don't have the strength to reassert our interests.'
'But you have the knowledge of how to deal with very magikal opponents?' I asked, pointedly.
Cashel pursed his lips. 'We might have, if they weren't also extremely knowledgable about technology, too. Between the two…'
I cut him off. A rooster had just crowed outside. 'So what you're saying,' I began, holding up my hands to forestall any more interruptions, 'is that you
'Uh… well, not at present…'
'Good,' I beamed. 'Then you can leave the job to us. All right?'
'You'll, uh, let us know how you progress, won't you?' Gubbeen asked, very timidly.
'Of course,' I smiled. 'I'm not against consultation, but you have to understand I'm under no obligation to use your advice. With that in mind, then I think we have a deal.'
'Well said, Master Skeeve,' Zol applauded. 'Well said.'
To give them credit, the Wuhses looked relieved, especially Wensley.
'I think we all understand one another very well,' Bunny said, favoring the big Wuhs with her sexiest blue- eyed glance. 'Perhaps,' she purred, taking her cue from the traditional Wuh form of circumlocution, 'we should depart from this subject? Master Skeeve has a long day ahead of him tomorrow. Why don't we let him and my other associates go to bed? But I would like to talk to you all for a little while longer.'
'It would be our very dearest wish,' Gubbeen exclaimed.
'Good!' Bunny grinned, showing all her teeth and folding her hands on the table. 'Now, about the matter of payment…'
Gubbeen and the others shuddered. Suppressing smirks, Tananda, Zol, Gleep and I followed Montgomery towards the stairs to the sleeping rooms.
SEVEN
'Have I got a product for you!'
