‘By means of Dublin.’
‘Expensive?’
‘Depends on your perspective Inspector. Tea, coffee, vodka. No, hold the phones, I’ve a nice bit o’ Britvic.’
He smiled, said, ‘Perhaps the tea.’
I got that done, put cups, milk, sugar on a tray and some strawberry jam delights. Put the spread before him, he said, ‘Now, isn’t this cosy.’
And took a biscuit, bit cautiously, said, ‘Mm… m… that is good, Marks and Spencers?’
‘Sainsbury’s.’
‘First class. I might go another.’
And he did. Then said, ‘Bit o’ news you’ll find fascinating.’
‘Oh yeah, and what would that be?’
‘The Met are to be issued with longer acrylic batons. The Home Secretary wanted to know if the longer length made a difference in physical impact injuries and has finally approved them.’
‘That is fascinating. Acrylic eh, and machine washable.’
‘I doubt you’d pop them in yer local laundrette. Meanwhile, the villains load up on Uzis and M-11’s.’
‘I do appreciate your hoppin’ round to tell me, Inspector but you could have phoned.’
‘And miss these treats, I do believe I’ll have another. That your Astra outside?’
‘It’s a repo, I’ll drop it off later.’
‘Don’t doubt it for a minute. Who’s going to play silly buggers eh? The reason I wished to see you is, I wondered if you’d any new ideas on those robberies.’
‘Not a one.’
‘Mm… m… you’re not having tea.’
‘Bit early for me.’
‘We know it’s the same two men. They nick a car and hit at random, almost like they stuck a pin in a map. What do you think?’
‘No idea.’
‘Well, that’s my job eh, but I’ll pop round from time to time let you know how the investigation’s going.’
He stood up, noisily drained his cup, headed for the door. I said, ‘It isn’t really necessary you know.’
‘Of course I know it isn’t fuckin’ necessary Cooper. When it gets to that, I’ll send Quinn.’
Doc was close to shouting.
‘What did you do to antagonise the prick.’
‘Do me a bloody favour Doc, I gave him tea for crying out loud.’
‘And he definitely said WHEN not IF.’
‘You think I misheard him, that it?’
‘Fuck fuck fuck.’
‘That’s a big help.’
I was round at Doc’s place. He lived off the Clapham Road in an old draughty house that never got warm. Laura, his common-law wife, was doing household shit and noisily. A small intense brunette, she’d a vicious temper. I don’t think she liked me but it wasn’t personal. She didn’t like anybody, even Doc seemed to bug her and they’d been together eighteen years. He shouted, ‘Laura, for fuck’s sake, will you stop bangin’ things.’
‘When you stop bangin’ young wans.’
He gave a huge smile, said, ‘The mouth on that woman, strip paint off a gate. Hey Laura, wet a sup o’ tea.’
‘Wet it yerself.’
They had a sixteen-year-old daughter, currently at a posh boarding school. Doc said, ‘Everyone in this house- hold does time.’
Laura sighed, ‘But I’m the only one doing life.’
Round at Lisa’s, I’d called with flowers. The logo shouts ‘Say It With Flowers’. A bunch of pink roses, they didn’t have a whole lot of chat. Lisa said, ‘They’re lovely.’
What else could she add. She’d answered the door in nowt but a slip.
‘How does the postman react?’ I asked.
‘To what.’
Well fuckit, cancel the witty repartee. She gave me a large scotch and as I got behind that, I noticed she’d a gold chain round her ankle.
‘Why do you wear a chain on yer foot?’
‘It’s called a slave bracelet.’
‘That must set women’s rights back a few years.’
Not appreciated. Anger made her face ugly, blended with the knowledge she’d suspected the very same thing.
‘Are you calling me a bimbo?’
‘Whoa, slow down babe, you can hang it from your ass, see if I could give a fuck.’
She bent down to get a book, giving me a flash that hit like hope.
‘I read things you know. Look, I’ve got Carrie Fisher’s book.’
‘One of the greats.’
‘Do you read her?’
‘Bloody hell, I can almost quote her.’
‘Do you know this bit?’
“Here’s how men think:
Sex
Work
Food
Sports
Relationships.”’
She looked so eager as she read this. I felt a complete bastard but I’d signed on, so I said, ‘Not much escapes the bold Carrie. And, how do women score.’
‘Oh she’s so right, she says women think:
“Relationships
Relationships
Relationships
Work
Sex
Shopping
Weight
Food.”’
I said, ‘Wanna sit over here babe?’
‘OK.’
I got my hand under that slip and got hot. As we got to the deposit till, she pushed me off, said, ‘Don’t be so rough.’
Alas, I’d gone a tad too far down the jackpot road, was in the area of sexual bravado, whispered, ‘You’re a slave, do what the master commands.’
And she threw a drink in my face. I roared, ‘The fuck you think you’re doing?’
‘I want to be wooed.’
‘What!’
‘Romance – and the cinema. You don’t respect me.’
I stood up, headed out, added quiet, ‘Bolix.’ I wanted only Cassie, blind to all else.
The flowers were by the door but they’d nowt to add, not even goodbye.
Outside, I experienced the sense of being stalked. I had to figure it could be cops but it was too eerie. Physically shook myself to get back on track. Muttered ‘get real’, or failing that, ‘get real bloody vicious’.
