The Accidental Florist

and I don't think either of you would have the strength to do so. There is this tough old woman who teaches women how to better protect themselves. I thought

it would be useful to you and ease my mind about your welfare.'

'But Shelley and I don't go bar hopping at night. We know better than that.'

'That's not the point. And crimes against women don't always happen at night anyway.'

'Is it expensive to take these classes?'

'No, they're almost free. You only pay a couple bucks for the rental of the meeting hall.'

'When do they start?'

'Next Monday. Two a week for two weeks. And further lessons in self-defense if it interests you two.' He reached into a pocket inside his suit coat and handed her a sheet of paper. 'This is all the information. It would really ease my mind if you knew more about protecting yourselves when you're out and about.'

'I'll show this to Shelley,'Jane said, perusing the items on the list. 'It meets during the day, I'm glad to say.'

'She does night classes, too. For women who can't get off work in the daytime. I'm glad you're considering this.'

'I'm sure it will be interesting to both of us,'Jane said. She folded the paper and tucked it into her purse. She'd noticed that the waiter was hovering.

Stuffed to the brim with rolls, salad, and dinner, they strolled out and got into Mel's car. As he approached her house, Jane said, 'Could we stop for a few minutes at that little park down the block before you drop me off?'

He glanced at her, wondering why she wanted to do this, but did as she asked. When he turned the ignitionoff, Jane said, 'Do you just happen to have kept that engagement ring you tried to give me long ago?' Mel grinned. 'I did. Do you want it back?'

'Yes. It's time. Past time, in fact.'

'It's in my safety-deposit box. I'll bring it over tomorrow. Janey, are you sure you want it?'

She tried to hug him, but it's hard to do in a little MG. 'I'm absolutely sure I do.'

Mel stepped out of the car, came around, and gave Jane his hand. 'Get out of there right now. I want to kiss you without either of us getting hurt trying it in the car.'

Jane was very late getting home. She could see from outside that Todd's room was dark. She all but danced up the stairs.

The next morning Mel dropped in on his way to work. He didn't look quite as happy as he should have.

'What's wrong? Has the ring gone missing?' Jane asked.

'No, it's my mother.'

'She's missing?' Jane asked.

'I wish she were. I made the mistake of calling her to tell her the good news that we're getting married…'

'She didn't take it well, I guess,'Jane said, not the least bit surprised.

'It's not exactly that. It's…'

'Mel, spit it out and get it over with. She's refusing to come?'

'Far from it,' he said. 'Let me put the ring on your finger and we'll sit out on your patio and talk about it.'

They sat close together and Mel reluctantly explained. 'See, I'm her only son.'

'I know that.'

'But she says your parents have two daughters.'

'That's true. So what is the problem with it?' She was looking at the ring on her finger, smiling, and thinking she'd forgotten how beautiful it was. 'Your mother also has two daughters. She mentioned them that Christmas she stayed at my house.'

'It's this. I'll just hit you with it. And you can smack me upside the head for saying it. My mother will do the rehearsal dinner.'

'That's what she's supposed to do.'

'She wants to do the whole wedding as well.' Mel bent his head, waiting for her reaction.

Jane laughed like a loon. 'Do you think this is a surprise to me? I've met your mother, remember. It's just what I'd expect her to do. Roll over everybody with a tank.'

'You're not angry?' Chapter

THREE

J

ane said, 'No, I'm not angry. Before I asked you about the ring, I gave a lot of thought to a wedding. Here is how it's going to go. First, it happens when my parents can be there. They're in Denmark right now. Dad's translating for some Americans who want a contract to do something about drainage in Denmark.

'Second, when my parents come, we'll have the real

wedding in front of a judge with just family. Shelley, as my

matron of honor, my kids, I probably have to invite my

mother-in-law, Thelma, and whoever you want as best man.

'Third, Mel, there are things your mother cannot do.

That Christmas she spent here she asked me what the

green and white leaves I had in a bowl were called. I told

her they were ivy. She said she had some sort of the same

thing on a tree in her yard, but it was bigger, darker, and never got red berries. I had to explain that they didn't get berries. Those were red beads I'd glued on. She wouldn't know a lily from a rose. So that's why I'm going to make the choice of flowers for my bouquet, and the flowers on the dining tables. I'll write all this down so you can tell her about it. And I'll also pay for the flowers and mail her a copy of the rules for her fake wedding. So she can't choose the flowers for the wedding she wants to do. And she can't suggest what I wear.'

Mel, looking poleaxed, said, 'Could your uncle Jim be my best man? I've always admired him.'

'Good. That's who I would have suggested. He thinks the world of both of us.

'So that's settled.' She didn't want to get distracted from her main theme. 'There is a fourth set of rules. Your mother can foot the bill for the second wedding. She can choose the food. She can choose the wine and invite mobs of her professional friends. She can't add bridesmaids who are the wives, girlfriends, or daughters of her rich clients. Same for groomsmen. She doesn't choose the hotel or church where the wedding will be held.'

'She's not going to like this, Janey.'

'`Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,' to quote Rhett Butler. It's our fake wedding. And the bride and her parents make the decisions. I know they would agree with me since your mother has demanded to run the whole thing. You have to stand up to your mother on this or there's only the one wedding at the judge's chambers.'

Mel put his hands over his ears, and suddenly started laughing. 'Whatever you say. I wish you could be