'Never denigrate yourself, tiger,' she said, leaning over and giving me a kiss on the cheek. 'It would rake most people years to make the progress you have in months '
'Awright, awright, awright,' Guido said, holding up his hands. 'Enough with the mutual admiration society. Tananda said youse agreed to a temporary cooperative venture. We ain't got much time until
zero hour, so all in favor?'
Chumley put up his hand. 'Aye.'
Tananda followed suit. 'Aye.'
'Aye,' Guido added, making it three. 'Okay, dat's unanimous. I mean, it's just a formality, Boss... I mean, Skeeve. We hadda decide in a democratic and fair fashion. That's the way we've been doin' things since you been gone.'
'Is everyone upset with me?' I asked. I knew I sounded plaintive, hut I couldn't help it.
'No! We thought you were upset with us.'' Tananda admitted. 'You haven't come around once since the time you dropped in. You didn't invite any of us to see your new office.'
I hung my head. 'It's not much. I thought you wouldn't really want to see it. I felt pretty awkward. I guess I didn't think about what would happen in the future if I came back.'
'Neither did we, what?' Chumley said.
'D'you mind?' Guido said, cutting short the conversation. 'We can have a real powwow later. We got a high roller comin' around in about three hours. We gotta work out a plan to deal with him.'
'And find the will,' I said. 'But that can wait until we get rid of the problem. What do you have on Narwickius?'
'Nasty,' Chumley said He plucked a pair of pincenez glasses from within a tuft of fur on his purple chest and placed them on his nose. He unfurled a scroll and spread it out for me to read. 'Pray skip the police blotter. I assure you it is as complete as I could make it.'
I whistled as I skimmed down the long parchment, over Incidents Precipitated and Alleged Misdeeds. 'I admire your research, Chumley,' I said, glancing up. 'This guy has caused trouble in over forty dimensions.'
'Yeah, he's tough. It's a shame that he hadda pick on a coupla harmless Imps,' Guido said.
'How many people does he have working for him?'
'I was able to discern the employment status of over 250 different mugs, thieves, grifters, shysters, pennyante crooks, leg breakers and other miscreants who have been used for jobs small and large,' Chumley said. 'He has a permanent staff of eleven. Two are powerful mages, a Vipe and a Pervert.'
'You mean Pervect,' I said automatically.
'I say, not this one,' Chumley corrected me. 'Read subsection three, if you would be so good.'
I scanned the details in the paragraph, and I felt the blood leave my face. 'Can you DO that with a camel?'
'I believe there were at least four witnesses,' Chumley said. 'The survivors said that the deed was at Narwickius's personal behest.'
'Nasty indeed,' I concurred. 'Well, what do we know we can use as leverage?'
'Not a lot. Titans move fast, and they carry a lotta firepower,' Guido said. 'Not to mention their natural
physical shape. You don't wanna get in a clinch with one.'
'People who move too fast often make mistakes,' I said thoughtfully, scanning the document again. 'Do you think we could bluff him?'
'I would greatly favor it to brute strength,' Chumley said. 'He who throws the first punch has lost the war of wits, what? Yet I have heard that nothing deters him.'
'What he said,' opined Guido. 'Not that we won't be ready for him. I gotta few things with me that could take out a charging whaleosaurus.' He patted his side pockets. The 'things' must have been fairly flat, because nothing distended the perfect cut of his pinstriped suit coat.
'We don't know how many of his hooligans he might have with him,' Chumley said. 'His gang acts as backup, but all decisions I can document were made by him. Most often, his successes have required nothing more than his implication that violence might follow a lack of cooperation. In the ninety percent of the cases where the situation has gone beyond parley, he has acted alone. Seldom have his employees been required to step in. He can inflict considerable damage without outside assistance. He has a reputation as, er, a control freak.'
I nodded.
'Good. Then, it's essentially a one-on-one situation. We can use that. If I know his reputation without having met him, then he might know mine. I can meet him and try to persuade him he doesn't want to go through me to get to Marmilda and Marmel. If he's heard of the Great Skeeve, he'll have some idea about what I'm capable of. That's not to say that you don't have formidable reputations, too,' I said quickly.
'It's all right, handsome,' Tananda said, with a wink.
'You were the top name on the letterhead. We can make use of that. Just slip into something formidable, and we'll take it from there.'
Illusionary disguises are easy for even a beginning wizard. I had learned the skill from Aahz, and it had served me well for years. All I needed to do was concentrate on the face I wanted to present to the world and superimpose it over my own features. Size wouldn't impress a Titan like Narwickius. As Tananda said, I was looking for a mien that would give the impression of unlimited power. People always said I looked too young to be a great wizard (and they were right), so I went for disguises that made me look at least fifty. In this case, I thought I had better look as though I had been around a lot longer than my opponent. I chose a gaunt, almost skull-like face, seamed with wrinkles. A thin, pointed beard and drooping mustache of steel gray framed lips that had never smiled or showed mercy. Sharp, dark eyes lurked under deep brownridges like monsters in a cave. A curved beak of a nose, a widow's peak of silver hair, .aid pale, bloodless skin completed the image. I considered the whole image for a moment, then transferred it to myself.
'How do I look?' I said, turning to Tananda. Unfortunately, one of the problems with casting an illusion on yourself is that you can't see it. When you look in a mirror, all you see is yourself.
'You'd never get a date,' she said, with a grin.
I grinned back. 'Perfect. Now, we wait.'
'Waiting is the hard part.'
With the Imps' help, we set the scene. I arranged myself at the very center of the family showroom in a gaudily gilded, thronelike chair borrowed from the old man's bedroom. When impatient fists pounded the doors, I used a handful of magik to throw it open with a bang. Marmilda and Marmel rushed in to serve me the best wine and food in the house from the finest of their silver-and-chrome dishes. I accepted a goblet from Marmilda, who dipped in a curtsy. I bent my head to take a sip and rolled it around my mouth with an expression of distaste. Narwickius rushed in and stood glaring at me. Under my eyebrows, I peered at the new arrival. The Titan was a big creature. I had never seen one before, but Aahz had insisted I learn as many of the dimension-traveling races as possible. He stood a good eight feet tall. His shock of silver hair nearly brushed the ceiling. His skin was a pale, metallic blue, and his eyes were charcoal gray. He wore a tunic of thick leather sewn with metal plates and a belt of braided strands that looked like hair. All kinds of hair. Like Klahd, Troll, Kobold, Whelf, and Faery.
'Well?' he demanded. He glowered at all of us. I felt, rather than saw, Guido put his hand inside his coat to touch the butt of his crossbow. Chumley merely crossed his arms. I deigned to notice the newcomer.
'Ah,' I said, delicately placing the wine cup on the Imp woman's outstretched tray. 'I believe you are Master Narwickius. I am pleased to see you here at last.'
'Dispense with the chatter,' the Titan said. 'What the Netherhells are you?'
'I am ... Skeeve the Magnificent,' I said, with just the right pause to ensure drama. Narwickius let out a loud snort.
