celebrity autobiography. You're not happy about it, but isn't it up to the living to find their way out of their own jams? You had your shot. It's up to them, now.'
Matfany cleared his throat. 'Your highnesses, I have given my word to these out-of-towners that they are allowed to commit some temporary depredations on our fair country for a time. I will hold to my word. That is the only honorable thing to do. I ask that you hold back from causing trouble for them for the period of the contracts.'
The flames went into a huddle.
'His word? What if he did give his word? What's that got to do with us?'
'Well, if we have no honor, then we have nothing,' Tinian said. 'I did trust this fellah enough to give him the top post. That means that his word is my word.'
'But what about his temper? I don't like it that he can boil over like that and cause such a constitutional crisis all at once. The royal house is the royal house. While a scion of it is living, she is the rightful monarch and should be back here at home where she belongs, not hiding out in some Klahdish manor house that calls itself a castle.'
Possiltum, I thought with a smirk, filing away the fact for future use. Maybe I should arrange for a mob of adoring fans to descend on her there. Hemlock hates crowds. She'll throw Hermalaya out faster than that week's trash. That'll show Skeeve.
'It's a pretty smart thing to do, getting people to pay for nothing.'
'I don't like anybody messing up our mountains and piers like that.'
'Well, you see how it backfired.'
'That boy couldn't have known It would.' King Tinian said. 'The mistake he made was over my daughter.'
'That's true. Lucky for him that's the easiest thing to remedy.'
The huddle broke, and the ghostly figures drifted toward us.
'So, what's the good news?' I asked, heartily. 'Let us finish up clearing your books, and in no time Foxe- Swampburg will be back to its good, old tourist-trap self. How about it?'
The deep-voiced ghost came to look me straight in the eye.
'Well, Mister Per-vect, we can't undo what has been done, but we can prevent any further mistakes being made by the same people, namely you all. When you don't come back, another generation of problem-solvers will arise in Foxe-Swampburg. We will guide them, but as you say, it's up to them. I hope they will be able to restore the pride that our kingdom has had in itself all these generations.'
'Wait a minute,' I said. 'What do you mean, when we don't come back? We're not staying here. This was a courtesy call. I don't need your cooperation. You can keep throwing Salamanders off walls if you want to, but I will find a way to get Foxe-Swampburg's finances back in order, with or without your help!'
'I think you can say it's without our help,' King Tinian said.
The long-nosed female smiled at us fetchingly. 'You all should make yourselves just as comfortable as you can. You're going to be here for a while.'
Cold water rolled up onto my insteps. I felt the semi-solid mass under our feet start to dissolve. I tried shifting to another part of the hummock, but it slid away. Hastily, I felt around for anything solid I could stand on. Guido, already up to his knees, held Tananda in his arms, keeping her up out of the mud. Matfany, out of my reach, was also starting to sink.
'Get us out of here, Tananda,' I said. 'I lost my D-hopper on the hill.'
'I'll try. There's some weird interference here.' She clapped her hands together. Nothing happened. She looked dismayed. 'Something is sapping my magik. There's plenty of power here, but I can't get to it.'
'It's no use fighting,' said the deep-voiced ghost. 'Your time in the material plane is ended.'
'Hey!' I yelled at the royal spirits. 'What about all that we've done for your people! Doesn't that count for anything?'
'No, sir,' the voices said. 'We believe you have done enough for Foxe-Swampburg. Now, this won't hurt a bit. It may feel kind of odd, but after a while you won't even remember about it.'
The glimmer dissipated, leaving us alone in the dark.
My weight pressing into the slime was beginning to turn my trouser cuffs inside out. I'd been in mud and quicksand before. It was better to go horizontal, as disgusting as that was, and spread out my weight, than to remain vertical and let it drag me under. I flattened out with my arms spread.
'Try and lie on the surface,' I said. 'We can try to swim to the edge.'
'Ugh!' Tananda exclaimed, bobbing next to me. 'I'll never take mud baths at the spa again.'
'Somethin's got my foot!' Guido said.
'Mine, too,' Matfany said.
'What lives in these swamps?' I asked.
'Crocogators, but what you really have to look out for are the marsh squids. They'll wrap you up like a holiday bundle and eat you a piece at a time.'
'That's what I saw on back there,' Guido said.
As soon as he said it, a huge tentacle broke the surface and threw itself over Matfany.
'Swim for it, friends,' he said, as it wrapped itself around his shoulders. 'I'm doomed.'
'No, you're not,' Guido said. 'We don't let clients get eaten by invertebrates.' He splashed toward the Reynardan. Tananda kicked after him, drawing a dagger out of who knew where in her clothing. I groaned and followed, but I didn't get far. The next tentacle that erupted wound itself around my leg. It dropped back into the mud and started to pull me down with it.
'Tananda, get out of here,' I said, struggling to stay on the surface.
'I can't go and leave you!'
'You're the only one with enough magik to escape. Beat it! Get help! Hurry up!'
The last sound I heard before my ears filled with mud was BAMF!
'Money isn't everything.'
I felt pretty miserable after Aahz confronted me in the office. I could put up with his bombast and his ridicule, but not false accusations. He wasn't playing fair! It really hurt that the others seemed to believe him more than they did me, I wasn't used to that.
Maybe I really should go back to the inn in Klah when Hermalaya was back on her throne. It was lonely, but I wouldn't have to worry about being lied to by anybody but merchants. I could trust Gleep and Buttercup to be my true friends while I figured out exactly what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Bunny could stay in Deva, or go wherever she wanted to. She was a much more social person than I was. She didn't need to share my exile one more time. I was grateful for all the time she had devoted to keeping me sane.
In the meantime, what Hermalaya needed far outstripped my need to lick my wounds. As soon as I could, I started making the rounds again of the people who had turned me down for an interview when the Aahz-inspired Cake knockoffs started coming out.
I was getting used to doors being slammed in my face, so much so that when Elliora, a Leprechaun financier from Ayer, said yes, I almost walked out anyhow. She dropped a loop of magik around me and hauled me back to her desk She was a plumpish female about half my height with an upturned nose, tilted green eyes, and shining silver hair pulled back in a long braid. Freckles were scattered across her nose. The gold that the Leprechauns were so famous for was evident in her parlor. Bureau knobs, inkwells, even picture frames were made of solid gold.
'Are you talking about Hermalaya of Foxe-Swampburg, then?' she asked me.
'Yes,' I said.
